Grandpa,
Last year, I was so numb during the holiday season because we had just lost you. This year, I have such a bittersweet feeling. The holidays are supposed to be the happiest, most wonderful time of the year, but something's missing.
Maybe it's your smile and laugh, the anxiety you had while waiting for the food to finish or for us to arrive, or the undeniable sense of joy you brought to the atmosphere. You always had a way to make the room a little warmer and the lights a little brighter. Without you, things are nowhere close to being how they were. Yes, the holidays are still joyful, but if you were still here, they'd be even more so.
Whenever November and December roll around, I wish I could have one last holiday season with you. But they say if you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to want some milk. I can say I would be content with one more, but I know I would want more. I want a lifetime more holiday seasons with you. I know that's entirely selfish of me, but I can't help it. I have so much to be thankful for around Thanksgiving, but I also have a hole in my heart from losing you.
I miss all of the traditions we shared and the memories we made. I will always cherish Christmas Eve and Christmas morning memories with you and Mammy. Every time we sit down together for Thanksgiving Dinner or Christmas Eve gifts from "Santa" when he would come a day early to your house, I imagine you in the room, sitting in your spot, and what it was like when you were with us. I know you're still here in our hearts and memories, but I long for you to be physically here. It's just my being selfish again.
Looking back, I wish I had cherished the holidays together more because now I would do anything to share laughs and light conversation about sports and food one more time.
When we lost you, I knew things would never be the same. When it's time for the holidays, when the snow falls on the ground, when Christmas songs start playing, the sense of not having you grows stronger than ever. When Thanksgiving rolls around, I have a somewhat sense of dread. People always say you would hate seeing me sad during this time of family and lightheartedness, but it never helps the fact that you're no longer sharing these memories with us. I try my absolute best to stay as happy and positive as possible; I remember how things were when you were around and I look back fondly on those memories. But, it also makes me miss you with my whole heart.
I know you're always with me and watching over me, you have such a special place in my heart that only grows so much larger during the holiday season. I hope the holidays in Heaven don't even compare to the one's here on Earth for you. I know you'll be with us at the table, so we can continue to celebrate together.
I love you always and I'll always remember the holiday traditions and memories we shared and created over the last 20 years.
Always remember, I love you more Handsome.
Love always,
Grandpa's girl