Lately, I've been thinking about who I am and how I got to where I am today. One person specifically kept coming to my mind.... Some people called her Alice, but I called her Grandma.

My grandma Alice was such a prominent figure in my life, and I hate to even think about where I would be if I hadn't had her in my life while I did. Growing up, my world revolved around her. She was always back and forth between staying in my hometown and Springfield, IL and I was always heartbroken when she wasn't home. I remember always dreading winter because I knew that's when she would leave for Arizona until the spring. I was always a mess without her.

I remember when I was little and couldn't sleep, she would always get up with me and make me strawberries with sugar. Looking back on it now, I laugh at the fact that she would give 5-year-old me sugar when I couldn't sleep. Every morning, she would make me "coffee" which was practically just milk with a little bit of coffee. But it always tasted the best and always made my days great.

Finally, she moved to my town for good and I moved in with her. Her and I were just so close and I didn't want her to be by herself. Then, devastation struck. I noticed my aunt visiting a lot more from Indiana and staying for longer periods. Sure, I was curious, but I didn't think that much into it. One night when I was watching TV, I moved a couch pillow and found a pamphlet with information on how to help family members cope with cancer. My heart shattered, but I acted like I hadn't seen anything. I knew that she would tell me on her own time.

That day came, but when she tried to tell me, I couldn't look up from my phone because I couldn't stand to hear her say it. I became numb to the pain. As she became weaker and weaker, I pushed her farther and farther away. I guess looking back at it now, it was my way of coping with everything, but my God, it was the biggest mistake of my life. I wasted precious time with the person most important to me. I can honestly say I hate myself for doing that, but we learn from our mistakes I suppose.

My grandma Alice was the most selfless person I knew and I still haven't met anyone like her. She would give anyone her last dollar without hesitation if they asked for it. She protected me when I needed it, and she always tried to give me the best life possible. I'll forever be grateful for time she was in my life. I can only dream to be half the woman she was.

So thank you Mamaw. Miss you always and forever.