Ever had intrusive thoughts? I have. I do. Often.
Anything from your head telling you "you're hungry, eat" to "you're ugly don’t go out."
Something I’ve taken away from my own set of intrusive thoughts for a few years now is that no thought is permanent and with practice, you can tell your head to shut up.
Like I said, with practice. I am however, still practicing.
There’s this misconception that the choices you make in your life define you. In some cases, sure. But in others, absolutely not.
Relative to intrusive thoughts, making a decision is not only that much harder but causes that much more anxiety if the wrong choice is made.
As a 19 year old college student, I often times find myself feeling small and powerless. On top of that, any bad decision I have made has this giant impact on me when it really should not.
It's silly but life is short and those little things do not matter.
Ask yourself this, will it be relevant in 5 years? Even 5 months? If the answer is no, drop it and move on.
A few days ago, I took my first trip home since the semester began.
As soon as I walked through my front door, a sense of relief rushed over me. I knew this was going to be a good weekend because I needed a break.
A break from class, going out, and being a real person. I needed my bed and a home cooked meal.
But here's the issue, why did I need a break so early on? It had only been 3 weeks.
The first three weeks of my second semester thus far had been filled with too much drama and harsh self expectations. causing me to lose my mind.
I realize half of this was brought on by my own intruding thoughts but still, I was on the road to crazy. Well I already am crazy but the road to super crazy.
For the past three weeks, I was forcing myself to do and say things I thought were normal. First off, I am far from normal. When have I ever conformed? Never.
So, I'm sitting at home and I'm having this conversation with my mother and I'm explaining that it's hard to be yourself sometimes because you just want to fit in and be normal but her response really hit home because it was true.
Being what you're not is only going to cause more unhappiness. Putting out negativity into the universe is only going to bring you more negativity.
So, I was being negative about me and doing things to fit the norm when in reality I needed to be putting positivity into the universe and be myself no matter the circumstances.
It comes back to the five year thing. One little mistake or ballsy move will not matter in 5 years so why was I letting my now have so much impact on me? It was as if the present was defining my entire life.
That little voice in my head telling me to do the opposite of what I wanted to do and was literally driving me to insanity.
So, to tie all of this back together, my take away. First off, I need to get out of my head. Goodbye intrusive thoughts. It creates more issues for me. It also makes me come up with irrational scenarios and explanations which are just not true.
My intrusive thoughts and unrealistic explanations for situations have caused me to ruin friendships, relationships, and my own sanity and I am done.
I decided I'm shutting down my intrusive thoughts. Saying goodbye so I can make decisions and live my life with clarity and not regret anything.
If it wont matter in five years, don't stress it.