I've never dated before. Ever. I've been on like maybe two dates back in high school but they never led to anything. Guys didn't pay much attention to me and I felt that there was something wrong with me. That feeling of self-loathing temporarily disappeared after meeting you. I remember the time and place exactly; I was in the cafeteria with my best friend and we were talking about how we both needed to step out of our comfort zones and try meeting new people. My friend dared me to go up to someone I thought seemed the most harmless and that ended up being you. I invited you to sit with us and we realized we were in the same biology class. Before long we exchanged contact information and in that moment I was naive enough to think that we could become great friends.
We had biology three times a week, everyday after class it became a habit for us to get lunch together. One day, I asked you to hang out with a couple of my other friends. That was the night we both realized we had feelings for each other. A week or so went by before I asked you how you felt about me. Asking you was pretty awkward at first but you made it feel easy. We didn't officially start dating until a few days later when you came to my dorm room on the pretense of using my phone charger. I remember how you leaned in to kiss me and I ruined the moment by bursting into hysterical laughter. Moments like these I sometimes wish to go back to.
Our little romance or fling or whatever you want to call it was short lived. For the time we were with each other we were inseparable. When we would be together the rest of the world didn't seem to matter and when we were apart it was like a piece of me was missing. Our relationship wasn't healthy. All the time we spent with each other none of it involved communicating. Before we started dating I could talk to you easily about anything, afterward, I found that to be difficult. I soon realized how different we were as people but I chose to overlook our differences because I so desperately wanted to be with you. You didn't feel the same way.
The day before we broke up I could sense that you were distant but I never could've imagined that it would be the last time I would ever get to kiss you or even be that close to you. The next day you texted me asking me what time I got out of class and already I knew what you had to say though I kept telling myself otherwise. You finally showed up outside my dorm after I waited for you for nearly twenty minutes. You seemed lost. You weren't your usual self and I dreaded having to hear what you had to say. I'm glad that you kept it short, simple, and straight to the point. All the typical, "it's not you, it's me" and "we just aren't compatible" crap. I don't really remember what happened after that, I just remember running to my friend's room and crying for what seemed like hours. When I finally had the courage to talk to you, I told you how I thought you took advantage of the fact that I've never been in a relationship before and that I felt uncomfortable with some of the things we did. All you had to say was that my idea of a relationship was bull**** and that maybe you never liked me to begin with.
It only took you three weeks to find someone else and it took me months to get over you and even now I'm not sure that I fully am. The countless hours I spent in therapy sessions was all because of how worthless you made me feel. Every moment we spent together...it was like none of it mattered. I felt like I was never going to find anyone else. I felt so hopeless. We see each other almost every single day but it's like we never even met. I can see that you're not the person I once thought you were. You lied just to get in my pants. I'm not the person you once knew, either. I'm not afraid anymore. You leaving taught me how to be strong. I'm not sure if you regret being with me but I know that I don't regret anything. It was a great learning experience. I got to learn things about myself I never thought possible. Trust me when I say I'm not jealous that you're with someone else. You broke up with me, you have every right to move on, I honestly don't care anymore. I just want to say thank you for being my first boyfriend. You taught me a lot about life and no matter how much I want to hate you, I can't bring myself to feel that way. We've gone our separate ways and it was for the best. I'm genuinely happy with my life, I hope you are too.