I'm sure you're a bit confused by the title of this article - but, it perfectly describes how I've been feeling for the past few months of my life. When I started playing the piano and writing stories, I was always proud to say I was a pianist and a writer. Although, I only do both to very modest degrees (I'm an intermediate pianist and I have managed to accumulate around 500 reads on Wattpad).

For some reason, I just happen to be one of those people who thinks perfection is key. Ever since my childhood I've felt if I wasn't the best (or at least, the best I could be) at my craft, there were no reasons to continue whatever brought me joy (aka, my passions for playing the piano and writing).

Fast forward to now, I'm a college freshman with double majors in psych and business; so, saying I'm extremely busy is an understatement. I often don't have hours a day to dedicate to bettering my muscle memory or the ability to make my characters seem more multi-dimensional; therefore, with my "all or nothing" mentality, I don't feel I deserve the right to call myself a musician or a writer.

Lately, it has felt like I'm coping with the loss of something; whether that's the comforts of living with my family or missing not having to wear shower shoes, I don't know. Yet, it's painstakingly clear that I am going through a major life adjustment. Self-expression was my bread and butter. As a very introspective person, I often ponder on what it is that is keeping me going, what motivates me to be my best. Nowadays, the answer to that question isn't what it used to be. Music and Literature bring me joy; but, my "oxygen" is no longer my passion. My "oxygen" is my family.

If it wasn't for my family, there are many dreams I would've given up a long time ago - including playing the piano and writing. There were many times I felt I couldn't compare to the version of "perfection" I idolized. Currently, I have come to the conclusion that you don't always have to be perfect at what you do. The only mandatory thing about having a passion is loving that passion.