I would generally not consider myself to be an aggressive person. I hate conflict, I hate calling people out when they're wrong so that I may further avoid conflict, and I even hate admitting when I'm frustrated or annoyed with someone because it creates an unsteady sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Even if I've been seriously taken advantage of or physically harmed, it is incredibly hard for me to confront another person, so I swallow the negative emotions and continue with my life.

The problem with this, of course, is that I can be too passive and whilst I'm wallowing in my passivity, the anger slowly starts to build up inside over a long period of time. I do not have a healthy way to let out these frustrations that don't involve ultimately lashing out at someone (who doesn't deserve the full force of what I've pent up) or I end up crying, not quite in hysterics but not quite gracefully, into a pillow while listening to the most emo playlists that Spotify has to offer. I store and then I purge and up until recently, I thought that was the way it always had to be. Until I decided, on a whim, to attend an skate session hosted by Philly Roller Derby.

For some background on the sport, roller derby is an extremely competitive contact activity that is typically played by women (although men's teams do exist). It involves lots of aggression and teamwork, let alone the ability to balance and stop successfully on roller skates. Surprisingly, I found that while I was able to balance and skate with relative ease, the aggressiveness of it and need to work as a part of a cohesive team are not two of my strong suits and that was exactly why I wanted to do it. Or, at the very least, give it a try.

I arrived at "The Roller Jawn" one Sunday afternoon with my own pair of skates and equipment, including an old bike helmet that I stole from my brother. Myself and the other new participants were told to warm up and skate around for a bit before the session started and at first, I was a bit overwhelmed. Why the hell did I think I could do this? I'm not threatening in the least bit and if I ended up telling anyone about it they'd probably just think I was crazy. Bella in a dance class? Sure. Bella on roller skates? What a dumbass.

Luckily, most of my fears were soon put to rest as the coordinators began giving us directions. I quickly began to realize that every woman there was at a different level of skating; some holding onto the wall as they eased themselves onto their wheels, and others effortlessly zooming around the track. I began to feel more comfortable, situated somewhere in the middle of those skill sets, and relaxed a bit.

We were coached through different exercises, some different stretches, learning how to stop effectively mid-skate, and how to safely fall onto our kneepads and get back up again. At one point we were even told to partner up and have one person push the other from behind while the person in front steered with their skates! It was a challenge for me, both in socializing and skating, but by the end of the 2 hours, I felt so accomplished.

True, to this day, I have only attended that one session, but I fully plan to attend more, hopefully over the course of the summer. During those 2 hours, even though what was mainly covered were basic skills, I felt empowered. I tried a new activity, in a new place, with new people, was initially completely intimidated, and ended up truly enjoying myself. Does it seem like a simplistic goal in the grand scheme of things? Of course. But did I come out of it feeling better about myself physically than I have in a long time? Rejuvenated and ready to jump in headfirst? Absolutely.