As the youngest person in my family, I've always hated it when other people would baby me or try to do things for me. I always wanted to be independent, and that has carried over to me being a pretty responsible and hard working teenager.
Currently, I'm at a crossroads in my life. I've had to make so many decisions in the past year that it's honestly made my head spin, and being the control freak that I am, I've thought deeply about every choice, making sure that it was the one that I wanted to do and not just the one that everyone else thought I should do.
However, that has gotten me into some trouble.
You see, although I enjoy making decisions, it's hard to know which one's the right one. Often I choose to hang on to something for just a little bit too long, or I think that I can fix a problem even though I've had so many chances to just walk away because it was no longer adding any benefit to my life.
Growing up, my parents always made sure that God was present in my life. I've gone to Sunday school since before I can remember, and my mom helped lead the children's ministry at my church, so I was always involved with whatever was going on.
My first friends were made at church, so I had a great group of people surrounding me growing up. And that community has stood behind me in whatever I've done for the past 18 years.
Unfortunately, one of the biggest hindrances to my faith and trust in God has been that independent mentality. So many of the choices I've made have ended up being extremely stressful, hurting me mentally and emotionally.
When I was stuck in these situations, it didn't make any sense to me. When things were great, I was so thankful to have God in my life blessing me with the happy times. But I didn't trust him when things weren't so great, which was one of my biggest mistakes of all.
Growing up, I've always been told that God always has perfect timing. I always thought that meant that he'd protect me from any and all sadness and hardships because I was so young in my faith. Instead of trusting that he had a process and a path for me, I blamed him for not warning me that I would be there.
When I hit my lowest point, I was stuck on the side of a highway with an exploded tire after what was the absolute worst week of my life. I was crying alone in my car at 10 p.m., and yet, something in me felt different.
Instead of sitting there with the "why me?" mentality that I had been sitting on for months, I knew that I wasn't alone.
Besides knowing that things could only get better from there, I felt like I was supposed to be there. The feeling washed over me that there was a reason that my entire life had fallen apart in the span of a week. I realized I had cut ties with so many people, places and things for a reason.
Since then, my faith has gotten stronger. I'm on a path that I know God has paved for me with love, and instead of making decisions based on what I want to do, I'm slowing down and asking him to help show me the way.
I know that sometimes things have to fall apart before they all come together, and no matter what, He has the perfect timing. Even when you don't understand it.