"My life is not my own."

I realize this is not something everyone lives by. In today’s society, we are taught that we make all of our own decisions, our life is as good as we make it and we can be and do whatever we set our mind to. I have chosen to give that up. My life does not belong to me. I am not in control.

The summer before my freshman year of college was one of the hardest summers of my life. My family had decided to move away from my home, I had broken up with my boyfriend, my two best friends were moving across the country for school and I was mistreated by someone I never thought would ever treat me the way he did. Everything I knew was changing, my plans were turned upside down. I felt lost and uneasy about going to school, but I was also excited. I was eager to start new, and I told God early on that I wanted Him to be in control.

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans." - Proverbs 16:3

I reminded myself daily how I would get through college with this verse. I would give my next four years over to God. I was determined to follow His will and allow Him to determine my plans. So, what happened the summer before coming to college was a blessing. If my life had not been turned upside down, I would have not surrendered my life and plans to God, and who knows what I would have gotten myself into. It took some drastic measures to shake me out of feeling as though I was in control, and that my plans were better than God’s.

First semester started, and I felt like things were going well. I was serious about my faith, trusting God with His plan, allowing Him to bring new people into my life and to mold me into the person I would be in this new stage of life. I felt as though my life was a blank slate, and God had the freedom to create this new person.

I then became comfortable. I had a solid group of friends, was in a very committed relationship, and had declared a major, but that’s when things changed. When I became comfortable, I stopped relying on God. I started making plans on my own. I became prideful and thought that I “had it all figured out.” In reality, though, God was waiting for me to surrender my plans back to Him.

Months went by and it took some more drastic changes to surrender my life back to God. I had done it again. I had gotten so self­-dependent, that God had to take things away in order to bring me back to Him. I had to realize what was truly important and who was actually in charge of my life.

I am not perfect. I don’t have everything figured out. I have learned my lesson twice now, but that’s not to say that I won’t fall back into feeling like my life is my own, and need to learn the lesson again. God wants more than anything for me to surrender my life and plans to Him. And when I do, my life entirely changes.

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails" - Proverbs 19:21