For the past two weeks, I have left my story unfinished. The Texas shooting and my anniversary mattered more than the back nine of my story, so I wanted to write about them first. But without further ado here's my story from 16 until now.

So at 16 I thought I had my life figured out. I had everything going for me; I had good grades, a new relationship with an amazing woman, and a what I thought was an unshakable faith in Jesus. I do not think I can put into words how fickle our hearts are as humans. We can be totally committed to something one day, and abandon it the next.

And that is what I did with my faith. I thought I was all that and a bag of chips without Jesus, so I turned my back on Him. I got a job, which wasn't the reason for my fall, but it didn't help that I was working almost 40 hours a week as a junior and senior in high school. This meant that I suddenly "didn't have time" to go to church, or read my Bible, or pretty much any other thing that could've helped my spiritual life.

So my faith suffered, and I doubted the existence of God because I chose not to try to find Him. Through my faith falling, and the stress of work and school I fell into a minor depression. Which then led to me isolating myself from others, which spiraled the already mess of my life into further apathy and bleakness.

However, what I am most ashamed of is the relationships I led down with me. When my faith in God wavered, I then led my relationship with Emily downhill. I allowed us to take Christ out of the middle and put ourselves in that void instead and that led us to take our relationship in the wrong direction.

I also let other mentors in my life down, as I continued to avoid submitting to God and insisted on living my own way. I failed in leadership positions, and allowed my doubts to invade others lives, which then made them doubt. I had fallen infinitely far from grace and I drug others down with me, and in my head I knew I should turn back to God, but I didn't really care.

Until I started noticing people reaching out to me. The truth is, people were reaching out the whole time, but I chose to either ignore them or reject them, but they were there. Just as Jesus was always there, extending his arm in love on the cross, as I continued to pretend He didn't love me. What woke me up was Christ showing Himself through people in my life, and the unrelenting love they had towards me.

In the summer of 2016, Christ pulled me back to himself and begin stitching up the self inflicted wounds on my heart. I got a fierce desire to know the Word of God, so I began to heavily study it. In my redemption, however, I was not free of consequences. I had to deal with my failed leadership both in my church and my relationship with Emily. My year and a half of darkness did not go away nicely.

I still had some serious doubts that I had to work through, and some damage to others I had to work to repair. But, I learned that Christ's death and resurrection is sufficient for me, no matter how far I strayed. When I truly turned and started limping back to God, He welcomed me with open arms. Like a good father discipling a child, there was a since of severity in the wrong I had done, but I was not abandoned by any means.

So here I am. I'm not proud of everything I have done, but I am proud and thankful for Jesus. I would be wrong to highlight my sin, but I can highlight the beautiful redemption that comes through Jesus Christ and following Him. I've been on both sides of belief and trust in God, and I can testify with whatever authority Christ has given me. My prayer is that people see Christ and the power of his resurrection, and that they choose Him first, before they hit rock bottom.

So here's my story, or Christ's story through me, out in the open. Y'all be good, and give a like and a share if this was inspirational in any way.

Also, shoutout to Shelbi Renaldo and her photography company for the awesome pictures of Victoria Falls. https://shelbirainesphoto.wordpress.com/