I have sat in silence... for weeks. I have said nothing about it, haven't processed or felt the tingle of sadness that tapped at my heart.

Had time waited... had time withstood the ridicule and misfortune. Had time been kind or wavered at the signs of falling. Had time been there for her, perhaps there would have been more. It is always sad to see one of my own go, someone struggling so hard to survive and be loved. If only she knew how truly loved she was by those that knew her.

This soul, this soul was gentle. This soul just wanted the world to accept her. This soul was that thing that people often argue isn't real... this soul was trans. So this one... this one is for her

Goddess knows...

Goddess knows too well

the beat within my chest.

The time I borrow

The unsettling unrest.

Goddess knows me well,

enough to say... that she loves me

she'll guide me,

and shape me on my way.

Perhaps I am sad.

Perhaps I am coined as "Depressed"

But Goddess knows me well enough,

saves the best for last.

It was cold

when I was hiding.

Pretending I was him when she knew me better.

Goddess knew.

Knew the confines of my broken heart.

Saw the tears drain from my face.

How much I wanted to be myself.

To be seen

to be heard

to feel complete...

My partner couldn't understand.

Never knew what to say -

be a shell of a person

and eventually... it would be ok.

But Goddess knew...

she knew... this wasn't the plan.

Stand the test.

Change your fate.

Be yourself.

Finally, seal the date.

It was satisfying.

Glorifying.

in an instance...

It was me.

In a millisecond...

I was completely free.

Goddess knew me best.

She always had.

Saw past the sadness

the broken pieces

and filled what I had.

Goddess protect me.

Goddess hear me call.

I'm sorry for not being myself

for being in someone else's skin for so long.

I won't lose it.

I won't lose this little piece.

Goddess you knew me...

even when I couldn't see myself.

Goddess,

I am no longer shroud in darkness.

I no longer cower in someone else's feet.

A Vanni by any other name would sound as sweet...

but Goddess,

things are still dark.

Still closing in on me.

I feel your light

but please heal me.

Goddess protect them.

Protect them from where they will be.

Remind them

To see light

when all else is grey...

and remember Goddess

to tell them

You molded me and them

from Rainbow Clay.

The world will desperately miss a ray of Maize and Blue. Vanni you will be missed by the people you couldn't see. You will be dearly missed by those that loved you and appreciated your quirks. Rest easy sweetie, nothing can hurt you now.