This past week, I suffered my third severe allergic reaction. My body went into anaphylactic shock. My heart began beating about a hundred miles an hour, I had terrible nausea, my entire body was covered in hives and I could barely speak. My world was closing in, and I nearly passed out. As cliched as it sounds, in that moment, my life flashed before my eyes. I could do nothing but pray that the pain would pass; pray that God would let my body pull through one more time.
You see, friends, I could have easily died. God could've called my number, and my life on earth would have been over. He spared me one more time. His work for me is not yet finished. I am so thankful that God heard my call for help. He delivered me when I called on His name.
However, though I recognize God's mercy and grace, I am human. I am human, and I am so scared. I am scared that this allergy, which seemed so trivial when I was a child, will take my life. I am scared that something so small could end it all.
I suppose that's the cost of living -- dying. In the midst of my huge mix of thankfulness and fear, I have been reminded that no matter how careful we are in life, God has the ultimate say.
God has given us common sense, but common sense is not necessarily boxing ourselves in. It is not always standing in one place. When it is time for me to die, I am going to die. That's a hard pill to swallow, but it is the truth.
"And as it is appointed unto man once to die, but after this, the judgement." Hebrews 9:27.
When it is time for us to go, we are going! No doctor can prevent God's will. Y'all, I know this is a difficult topic. I struggle to write these words, but I feel as if I must say them. The knowledge that God holds all things in His control gives me such comfort. The understanding that God has a plan for me gives me hope.
Finally, my dear readers, I will take care of this body. I will do my best to treat it well. I will be careful, but I refuse to be careful to the point of hiding away and sheltering myself from life. This is a good life, and I intend to live it. However, this life doesn't hold a candle to what God has waiting for me in glory. When it is my time to go, I pray that my soul is ready. I pray that I am ready to stand before that judgement throne. I pray that I will make Heaven my home when on this earth I cease to roam.
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
Psalm 23:6