“Give them (children) the opportunity to explore and enjoy life without being constrained to a pink box or a blue box.” (source)

It’s no surprise that we place people in boxes; hell, we place everything in boxes. Human beings have the tendency to organize every aspect of their life, because this is what we’ve been doing for thousands of years. We’re reaching a point, however, where movements are erupting across the globe challenging traditional “box placing,” such as the practice of assigning gender at birth.

Here’s the basis of the argument: a fetus does not know what gender is, and children typically do not understand what specifies gender during the first couple years of their life. So why should we be holding gender reveal parties, assigning gender specific names, and generally enforcing gender as a way of life BEFORE children can even understand it?

I understand the argument, but I don’t agree with it completely. Now let’s keep in mind that I am a straight female and have never struggled with understanding my “gender fluidity”. Navigating life in regards to gender has been very easy for me, and I feel deeply the pain of those who have faced adversity and discrimination solely based on who or what they decide to be.

However, I do believe that gender itself is not harmful. Classifying human beings from birth based on genitalia is something that makes sense to me, because it has a basis in anatomical facts. I do not think that children really care whether they are called a girl or a boy before they’re even born, or whether they have a traditional boys, girls, or gender neutral name at the beginning stages of their life. It’s about how you treat the concept of gender that can really mess up a child. If you tell a little girl that she’s destined for house work and an MRS. degree, or tell a little boy that he better not cry because men shouldn’t show weakness, you’ve screwed them over for life.

Now let me give you something I think is even more harmful to shove into your children's faces from the moment they’re born; religion. First off, religious beliefs are still an iffy concept. God has not been proven to exist (scientifically), Vishnu has not been proven to exist (also scientifically), Jesus Christ may not have been able to perform miracles (none of us were there to witness it!) I completely understand that spirituality is very very important to many people, and facts probably mean something different to those who have dedicated their lives to their spirituality or religion. Who am I to say that God is not real? Truthfully, we could go back and forth all day and you all know it. That isn’t the purpose of this argument. Instead, I want to focus on comparing why the harmful effects that have been brought up thus far of assigning gender at birth are the same as the harmful effects of assigning religion.

We know that a fetus doesn’t understand the traditional ways of society. They may hear their mother’s voice, somewhat grasp their surroundings, and do other cool things that only fetus’s do, but they do not know what religion or gender is (since we’re focussing on these two social aspects.) So you baptize your child, shave their head, circumcise them, pierce their ears, or assign them godparents. The child has no idea what’s going on, for one. And typically, they have no choice. They grow up surrounded by religion, and all the while may not question it until they are old enough to truly understand what it is they’re worshipping, or why they have to get up early every Sunday or Saturday morning.

As parents, you feel okay raising your child into the religion you grew up with. You want them to experience the community, the magnificence of spirituality; you want them to begin life with a purpose. This practice is so normal we rarely question it, but I personally see it as being more harmful than assigning gender.

I see kids chanting hymns or mantras, and I feel very strange. Most of the time they have no idea what it is they’re saying, or why. Either that, or they are given limited information such as “God created the world and all the creatures in his image, which is beautiful, right kids?” No mention of evolution, no mention of the fact that some creatures are freaking SCARY and VIOLENT. I don’t want to be too harsh, but how is this not a mild form of brainwashing?

I babysat a child who believed that animals don’t have brains. Why? Because God told her. We know that animals have brains, and she probably does too, but she used God as a way to protect her argument. I’ll leave you as a reader to make your own assumptions about this. (And yes, she is just a child, and has an imagination. But understanding that animals have brains is, like, way too important to brush off.)

Let’s allow children to mature before we force them to believe in a religion or to feel a spirituality. Let’s buy them hundreds of books that talk about multiple religions and spiritualities, and give them a chance to look at the pictures and read the stories. Let’s ask them if they want to go visit a church, a synagogue, a temple. Let’s practice meditation with them if they want, or pray with them at night if they ask. Most importantly, let’s provide them with information and answer their questions. Don’t hide things from them; their innocence should only be protected until it blinds them from important realities, and usually, they'll be able to figure it out if you're not telling them something. If me, being an Atheist, raises a child, born as a male, who grows up to become a transgender Mormon, but on their own terms, I will have done my job right.

All children need is guidance. Teach them right from wrong, how to defend themselves, that throwing food on the floor and screaming at people is not a proper way of communication, the benefits of sharing, who Gandhi AND Hitler are (on your own time), and how to show love to all creatures. No need to stress; they will probably rebel in the future either way.