I Had One Goal In College And That Was To Make A Best Friend

I Had One Goal In College And That Was To Make A Best Friend

Darn right I achieved that goal, and this person is the best person ever.

Prior to starting college, I did this week-long leadership boot-camp type thing. At the end of this week-long boot-camp, I made a goal to achieve by the end of my freshmen year. When I made this goal seemed like it would be an easy one to complete, but in reality, it was the hardest and most-time consuming goal of my life.

This goal was hard to achieve, but the reward that came with achieving it was amazing. While trying to achieve this goal, I went through the ringer several times and I felt like I wasn’t ever going to achieve it. Well, one day after a date that didn’t happen because I got stood up, I realized that goal was achieved.

No, my goal was not to be stood up, my goal was to have a true and genuine friendship in college. There were many moments when I thought that this goal was accomplished with certain people, but after some time those people weren’t good people in my life and they left my life. All throughout my freshmen year, I was searching for that best friend that everyone around seemed to have found already.

It was depressing, and one day when I was feeling down, one of my friends said that it takes time to build that level of friendship. No true friendship comes from a 20-minute conversation, just because people look like they are best friends, doesn’t mean that they are behind the scenes. That friend that told me this advice is the person who I consider a best friend now.

We met at this “leadership boot-camp”, and then we started grabbing breakfast with two other people from this “boot-camp” in the fall semester. We started texting and getting close, then this semester we joined the same sorority. Our friendship continued to grow because we are into the same things.

This friendship took a long time to develop and flourish because we are both incredibly busy people. However, I still made an effort to keep in touch with her because I felt comfortable around her and she is one of the only people at college who I feel that level of comfort with. Also, whenever something good happened in my life she would be the first person from Delaware that I would text with the good news.

Then when I didn’t get an opportunity that I really wanted, she would be one of the first people I texted, and she would lift me up. She would give me this second-wind to continue putting myself out there for opportunities. This person is such an amazing person.

Throughout all of this, she was being this true friend and we were developing this friendship that I have been craving for forever. She was a true and genuine friend that had my back, and I wasn’t realizing it at the time. When I was writing my book, I would send it to her and she would comment on how good it is, making me feel good for writing it.

I’ve recently started to read my book, and I can tell you that it’s not that good. However, her being the good friend she is, she made me feel good for writing this book. This person makes me feel empowered and confident in the things I venture out to do.

Anyways, there was this fateful Friday night that I realized she was that friend I had been looking for. It took all year, but better late than ever. This also showed me that everything happens for a reason.

On one Friday night, I was supposed to go on a third date with a guy who I had been talking too on and off. We went on two dates before, life got really busy and we would talk here and there. He seemed wishy-washy and throughout the moments that we talked and saw each other, I was never confident that he interested in me.

This guy said he was, and even calling me girlfriend material one random night. Then he wouldn’t follow up with it, and it was this mind-game that I didn’t pay any attention to because I did not have the time to pay attention to his game. I was simply living my life just trying to manage it.

One day we saw each other after that time he called me girlfriend material, and I remembered how cute he was. We would send a text here and there, and one day I wanted to reconnect with him, so I asked him if he wanted to go on a date. He said a yes and we scheduled that date.

The day of the date is here, and I go to the place where we agree to meet. I texted him that I was there, and he never shows up. I got stood up, and I was feeling a lot of emotions. The place where we agreed to meet had a Dunkin Donuts in it, so I grab some coffee. Then I see some people from my sorority, I start talking to them and we began to laugh.

This was a great way to get my mind off of it. However, when I went back to my dorm I was really lost and kind of upset. I began texting my friend, and she’s angry at him.

I wasn’t there yet, I was more distraught and upset. No, my friend was pissed off, and it felt good that she was pissed off because, in the weirdest way possible, it made me feel better. Having someone be pissed off for you shows that they care about you, and that they don’t want to see you upset, that feels really good.

As this was happening, the boy texted me saying that he “just woke up” how convenient. I sent this to my friend, and we decided that I am going to leave this boy on read and that he was trying to make me a backup plan. I am sorry, what?

No girl should ever be a backup plan, we should be number one choices. All girls should be first choices and that’s a fact of life.

Anyways, this conversation turned from me sulking to be one of the most empowering conversations I have had in my entire life. All because of my friend, and that’s when I realized that this friendship was a true and genuine friendship. I have this girl’s back, and she has mine.

Realizing on a night when you get stood up is amazing because I am the person that values friendship over having a romantic relationship, and that night was the perfect example as to why. The good and true friends will stick around in the dark moments, and boys just can be really sucky at times.

To this friend, thank you for being my true friend. You’re a gem of a human being and I cannot wait to see the amazing you’re going to do with your life. Delaware is incredibly lucky to have you.

Cover Image Credit: Author's photo

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To The Girl Who Had A Plan

A letter to the girl whose life is not going according to her plan.
“I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.” - William Ernest Henley

Since we were little girls we have been asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” We responded with astronauts, teachers, presidents, nurses, etc. Then we start growing up, and our plans change.

In middle school, our plans were molded based on our friends and whatever was cool at the time. Eventually, we went to high school and this question became serious, along with some others: “What are your plans for college?” “What are you going to major in?” “When do you think you’ll get married?” “Are you going to stay friends with your friends?” We are bombarded with these questions we are supposed to have answers to, so we start making plans.

Plans, like going to college with our best friends and getting a degree we’ve been dreaming about. Plans, to get married as soon as we can. We make plans for how to lose weight and get healthy. We make plans for our weddings and children.

SEE ALSO: 19 Pieces Of Advice From A Soon-To-Be 20-Year-Old

We fill our Pinterest boards with these dreams and hopes that we have, which are really great things to do, but what happens when you don’t get into that college? What happens when your best friend chooses to go somewhere else? Or, what if you don’t get the scholarship you need or the awards you thought you deserved. Maybe, the guy you thought you would marry breaks your heart. You might gain a few pounds instead of losing them. Your parents get divorced. Someone you love gets cancer. You don’t get the grades you need. You don’t make that collegiate sports team. The sorority you’re a legacy to, drops you. You didn’t get the job or internship you applied for. What happens to you when this plan doesn’t go your way?

I’ve been there.

The answer for that is “I have this hope that is an anchor for my soul.” Soon we all realize we are not the captain of our fate. We don’t have everything under control nor will we ever have control of every situation in our lives. But, there is someone who is working all things together for the good of those who love him, who has a plan and a purpose for the lives of his children. His name is Jesus. When life takes a turn you aren’t expecting, those are the times you have to cling to Him the tightest, trusting that His plan is what is best. That is easier said than done, but keep pursuing Him. I have found in my life that His plans were always better than mine, and slowly He’s revealing that to me.

The end of your plan isn’t the end of your life. There is more out there. You may not be the captain of your fate, but you can be the master of your soul. You can choose to be happy despite your circumstances. You can change directions at any point and go a different way. You can take the bad and make something beautiful out of it, if you allow God to work in your heart.

SEE ALSO: To The Girl Patiently Waiting With An Impatient Heart

So, make the best of that school you did get in to. Own it. Make new friends- you may find they are better than the old ones. Apply for more scholarships, or get a job. Move on from the guy that broke your heart; he does not deserve you. God has a guy lined up for you who will love you completely. Spend all the time you can with the loved one with cancer. Pray, pray hard for healing. Study more. Apply for more jobs, or try to spend your summer serving others instead. Join a different club or get involved in other organizations on campus. Find your delight first in God and then pursue other activities that make you happy; He will give you the desires of your heart.

My friend, it is going to be OK.

Cover Image Credit: Megan Beavers Photography

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Change, Change, Go Away...

Come again some other day!


Change sucks.

I've gone most of my life convincing others (and myself) that "I love change!"

Or saying "I like to think I'm adaptable, so spontaneity is something I love."

To give you the cold, hard and honest truth: All of that is a bunch of shit. Aside from when I still wore diapers, I have never been more full of shit than when I say these things.

There comes a time in life when we grow tired of our own lies and until that point, nothing generally changes. Except, change sucks, right?

I like when the weather changes from freezing cold to invitingly warm.

I like when someone else changes my sheets for me and I don't have to jump and sprawl my 5'3" body to secure the fitted sheet onto the farthest corner of the bed (which generally ends unsuccessfully).

I really like it when the stoplight changes from red to green (because I have a need for speed).

I even like when someone asks to change seats with me on a flight because the reality is that there is no such thing as a good seat on a flight. If you're on the window, you can't get up easily (but you can rest your head) and if you're on the aisle, you can sit there and get up as much as you want, as long as you don't mind your elbow being taken out from under your head while you sleep every time the drink cart passes by.

The point is, these trivial changes are fine, expected and some can even be enjoyable.

It's the changes that we do not expect, the ones that go against our status quo and our life flow, that knock us off balance and send us into a spiral of confusion, excess chocolate consumption and challenge.

As I've mentioned in previous articles, I am a big believer that all stress is a result of something being different than what we want or expect.

Big changes are no exception to this stress.

The coolest, most amazing, incredibly awe-inspiring part about life is that change is possible. Everything around us, at all times, is constantly changing. Unfortunately, this means that we too are subject to this change.

So, what kind of change am I talking about?

Am I talking about the change in your pocket you thought you lost and then found? No.

After all, nobody likes to lose anything besides weight these days.

And to that point, our bodies are constantly changing too. Our hair, our face, our skin, everything physical about us. These are the types of changes I'm talking about. Our relationships change, our jobs, our friends, our understandings of life, all of this changes. These are the big guys, the "uh-ohs," the "I didn't want to learn another life lesson this week" kind of changes.

However, despite the fact that I am 21 and those of you reading this are a range of ages (which I am so grateful for), one of the many qualities that unite us is that we have all experienced change.

Individuals of all ages experience loss and grief. Death plays no favorites and spares no ages. Physical changes happen to all age groups too. Life changes that alter our emotions and mental states are constantly happening to everyone, at all times.

The last three years of my life have been laden with changes. More specifically, the last six months have mentally worn me out but there's a quote that I keep going back to that my mom shared with me over the summer, it says: "an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming."

If you want to rearrange it, you've got to change it.

My hope is that we realize that we don't have to love change. In fact, we don't even have to embrace it because some changes are just too tough. What we do need to do is hold on and keep aiming and acknowledge the fact that we all are constantly going through changes.

Whether we talk about those changes or not, they're present because they are a sure fact of this wildly amazing life we live. One of the few things that remain constant in this life is the fact that things will constantly change.

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