To The Girl With Divorced Parents, It's Not Your Fault

To The Girl With Divorced Parents, It's Not Your Fault

Mourning the life they gave up.

I grew up thinking divorce was a dirty word. That kind of stuff didn’t happen to families like mine. We were a Christian family. Except for the Sundays when my sister or I had volleyball tournaments, we would go to church. We celebrated Christmas knowing the real reason to celebrate is that Jesus Christ was born. We studied bible stories together and prayed before every meal.

I grew up thinking my parents loved each other and it would always stay that way. The bell jar broke in high school and nothing has been the same since.

There’s so much involved in a divorce. Maybe you have a new home. Maybe there’s a new struggle to pay for that home. Picking a side? Websites with their “professional opinions” recommend you not pick sides, but it’s almost harder not to.

I used to think that it was my fault. I thought the way I treated my parents and the way I responded to the stress from home life contributed to their decision.

I want you to know, it's not your fault. No matter what you’ve done, you did not ruin the marriage.

Divorce is ugly.

It’s war and you do not need to appease both sides.

It has greater effects on you than you think. It happened when I was a senior in high school. I grew up never expecting it to happen. But it did happen. One day I woke up in my own home and later that night I went to bed in a hotel knowing that I was never going back.

Change is inevitable. Your life can turn upside down as fast as Taylor Swift’s switch to a new genre. It’s normal to feel like you’re mourning a death. You’re mourning a lost life that you used to have.

It’s okay if you are having a hard time moving on. There’s nothing simple about a divorce. There’s nothing right about a divorce. It’s wrong and they shouldn’t be normal events in life.

The inevitable “daddy issues” don’t have to be inevitable. The beauty of being in your shoes is learning first hand what not to do in life.

Regret, hate, anger, depression, you’ll feel it. But it won’t last forever. And when you wake up to realize that one day you’ll have the chance to not make the same mistakes your parents did, you’ll be grateful for what you’ve been through.

I’m sorry this is happening to you, but I’m not sorry it happened to me. My senior year of high school was less than normal. I finished school online, got a job, and I moved to live closer to my sister. But in that year of disruption, I learned some cool things. I learned how to file taxes, how to change a tire, how to disassemble furniture and how to pack a U-Haul by myself.

To the girl with parents in the middle of a divorce, I want to say that we are in this together. I found my strength in Jesus Christ. Life will never happen the way you want. But it’s not like we deserve this life anyways. Life is God’s gift to us and when bad things happen, all we can do is pray.

Cover Image Credit: Owen J Fitzpatrick

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A Thank You To My Boyfriend's Family

Because you are so important to him, you are important to me.

This one isn't easy to sit down and write because nothing I could say would do all of you justice in the way that I would hope I could. These are just words, but I hope that I am able to always show my thank you to you by treating him like the prince he is.

I can replay the moment of meeting each and every one of you all over and over in my head like it was yesterday. I was so extremely nervous every single time and I was trying to gather all the "right" things to say that would leave a good, first-lasting impression and that at the end of the day, you all would like me.

I think one of the most important basis and hopes in my relationship is that my significant other's family likes who I am. This is so important to me because whatever is important to him is equally important to me and your thoughts of me are crucial to our relationship.

The second I walked in the door, I was overwhelmed—overwhelmed with such a love. I had no idea at that point in time just how much you would all mean to me and how thankful I am for all of you!

Thank you for constantly making me laugh and feel at home.

Whenever I'm coming over for a family gathering or just to hang out, I know right off that I am walking into a world of laughter and good times are right beside that. You are all so entertaining and always have a good story to tell me. I can't name one time where I didn't feel like I was home.

And I appreciate the sweet, embarrassing photos and stories about my boyfriend that you all share with me! Even if it is by a photo, I have a glimpse of what his life has always been like thanks to each and every one of you individually.

Thank you for sharing your special moments in life with me.

You don't ever have to, but you invite me anyway. Whether it's just a family gathering, a birthday, or a holiday, I am thankful to have spent those times celebrating these moments in life alongside such amazing people. It's humbling and heartwarming to be a part of memories so unforgettable that you all share and that you have welcomed me to be a part of. They are days that I will never forget and have a place in my heart forever.

Thank you for always being there for him.

Since we have started dating, I have watched the way that you guys love him. I have watched the individual relationships and moments that you share with him make a difference in who he is. I have seen you all love and support him, no matter what he was doing.

With everything that comes along in life, this has been a simple reminder of an unconditional, loving, sacrificing family that is also the best support system. You are not only impacting him, but me, too.

Thank you for welcoming me in like your own.

Whenever you have to brave up and meet your significant other's family, I can say, for myself, that I didn't know what to expect. As I'm sure, none of you did when meeting me. Today, I catch myself wondering why I even worried in the first place. You all have welcomed me in your own ways and made me feel right at home. It is not always easy to do that with just anyone, but you have all taken the time to get to know me. And now I know that if I ever needed anything, I can call one of you.

Thank you for letting me date him.

I am most thankful for this. Thank you for sharing him with me and giving me a chance to show you all how important he is to me. I never thought that I would luck out and meet someone as special, kind, and wonderful as he is, but I did.

You have supported our relationship, given me a chance to love him, and welcomed me to new adventures in love and family. I have the upmost gratitude for each of you. You are the most wonderful, welcoming, and loving family. I am overjoyed to be able to experience just a glimpse of this life with him and with all of you.

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5 Things You Understand if You Are The Baby of the Group

That's okay, have fun without me

If you are one of the youngest members of your friend group, then you know just how it feels when everyone starts turning 21. Here are 5 things that only the babies of the friend group understand.

1. Always the DD

Once your friends start turning 21 and decide to go out, guess who gets to pick them up? That's right. You. The one that still isn't 21.

2. The mom

You may be the youngest, but when your friends come back from a good night out, you are the most responsible and mature one of the group. You are the one that has to take care of them.

3. Being left out of things

Well, if you aren't 21, you can't go to that cool bar that everyone else is talking about or on that wine tour.

4. Home alone on the weekend

While everyone else gets to go out and have fun on the weekend, you get to sit at home in your pajamas, watching TV. Sure this isn't a terrible thing, but when you are getting snapchats, and seeing your friends post about the fun they are having, you feel left out.

5. By the time you turn 21, your friends are over the hype.

You are finally 21 and you invite all of your friends. You are so excited, and they are excited for you, but after that night, you wanna go out and have fun, but your friends don't wanna go out as much because the hype of them turning 21 has faded.

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