To The Girl Who Is Validating Her Worth Through External Sources

To The Girl Who Is Validating Her Worth Through External Sources

I've been that girl, time and time again. I have been a slave to the scale, to the mirror, to the comments and likes on social media. I know the feeling all too well.


Last week, I was entering the locker room after my workout. I walked past another college student weighing herself. Stepping on the scale, shaking her head at the number, stepping off, then trying again, as if the number may have been wrong or would change. By her expressions, I knew she wasn't happy.

I sat in class later that day and got back a 70% on my Chem exam. To others, that may be a horrible grade, but to me, it was like all my hard work paid off. I exhaled a sigh of relief. I could relax. I did well.

I open Instagram and see transformation pictures of girls losing the freshman 15, or the muscles they've gained. Or their new haircut or eyelash extensions. Their picture is full of compliments in the comment section. I bet they go to bed feeling satisfied that they are being acknowledged.

I know because I've been there.

I've been that girl, time and time again. I have been a slave to the scale, to the mirror, to the comments and likes on social media. I know the feeling all too well.

I want you to know that you are not alone. If you're waiting on a text from a guy who seems to never call, turn off your phone. If you're stuck staring at a number on a scale that seems to never budge, no matter how hard you work, throw that f**king scale away. If you don't get as many likes on a selfie as you had hoped, for the love of God, don't delete it! Leave it up there, you are beautiful.

If you need to hear that you are strong, empowering, amazing, intelligent, loving, giving; you are all of those things. You are those things because you know the type of person you are.

You know you work hard to make money on the weekends while studying your ass off all week. You go out of your way to hold the door for people when you're in a rush and pay for the person's coffee behind you in line. But yet, you feel unnoticed. Maybe even invisible and unappreciated.

You do things out of the goodness of your heart. You do it for the smile you put on others' faces. But when actions go unnoticed or are not reciprocated, it's easy for us to fall into the trap of blaming ourselves.

It's human nature to second guess our worth, as unfortunate as it is. In order to solidify our worth, we seek validation through others. When are we going to start seeing ourselves for the amazing people we are, without worrying about others' opinions of us?

What other people think of you, or their actions towards you, should never affect how you view yourself. I know that seems nearly impossible, especially with the society we live in, but we should strive for assurance through self-love.

Keep doing the things that make you happy, and fill your heart with joy. Regardless if others notice what you're doing or not, don't do it for them. Don't shirk yourself in order to make others feel conformable. Do these things for you.

At the end of the day, if you're satisfied with the person you are, your confidence will radiate. Whether that attracts people or pushes them away, is not on you.

So, the next time you take a picture that you love, post it. The next time you don't do so hot on a test, there will always be another chance to show your intelligence. The next time you feel unappreciated or overlooked, show them what they're missing.

You are incredible, I hope you know that.

Popular Right Now

Learn How To Be Single

I know people that just can't live without being in a relationship, and it's time for that craziness to end.


Sure, falling in love is amazing. Humans are social creatures, so it makes sense as to why we love to hype up the idea of being in love. We feel worthy and validated if we constantly have someone that makes us feel special. What I have noticed throughout my teenage and young adult years, however, is some of my peers really do not know how to function when single. They have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend constantly. Y'all need to learn how to be single!

1. Fight Loneliness Head-on 

Obviously, everyone hates feeling lonely. When you are in a relationship, it's super easy to not get lonely. You consistently have someone to talk to and provide you with attention. However, when you are single, you have more time on your hands, which may often be spent alone. On the other hand, you can also spend this time with your friends, family, or on making new acquaintances. You can give your attention to a much wider span of humans, and through this learn that you don't need a special someone to prevent you from feeling lonely (you can have many someones).

2. Explore Your Personality

I've noticed a lot of my girl friends with boyfriends find their identity in their relationships. They transform their personalities according to what their boy prefers. This is just not healthy at all! We all have unique likings and personalities, and we develop these by interacting with a large range of people, not just one romantic partner. By branching out on your own, you learn so much more about yourself than if you are constantly spending your time with just one person.

3. Learn to Love Yourself

By spending time alone, doing things you enjoy, and forming platonic relationships, you begin to truly see your worth and find that no one can take that away from you. On an airplane, they tell you to put your own oxygen mask before helping others. How are you going to love someone when you have no love for yourself? How are you going to have any love left when that person leaves? Like I said, falling in love is amazing and being in a relationship can be a perfectly healthy way to spend one's life. But if you don't know how to be single and satisfied with yourself first, the relationship is not going to be built on a strong foundation. Next time you find yourself single, meditate on that time before scrambling to find your next mate. I promise you, it's important.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

To The Girl Who's Sick Of Being Told She's 'Too Much'

Don't worry... You're not.


I can't begin to tell you how many times I've been told I was "too loud, "too opinionated", "too open", "too sensitive", "too out there" or just plain "too much."

We're convinced from such a young age that we need to "dial it down" and sit back and watch as the world passes us by. But I have news for all of those people telling us these things: we're never changing. We can't just sit there and not express ourselves, not care, and do as we're told. In today's society, your voice and self-expression are your most important accessories and your most powerful weapon.

Use them as you please.
If someone ever tells you to dial it down, you take your "dial" and turn it to the max! You are strong and independent and the only people that should matter to you are the people sitting front and center for whatever you have to say, do, or feel.

Always remember to take pride in what you bring to the table and never be afraid to sit alone at that table. The only thing you should ever be afraid of is whether or not you're truly expressing yourself. Nobody's opinion matters more than your own. If you want to wear that new outfit that's not "in style", where it and add some hoops! If you want to speak out against something you don't feel is right, bring a megaphone!

If you want to follow your dreams and move away to a new city, pack your bags girl and walk straight ahead with your head held high! And when you're ready to take over the world, don't forget to wear your cutest pair of shoes. Never forget to put yourself first. Your happiness and peace of mind are so important, and the only way to truly gain both is to make sure nobody stands in your way.

You are powerful. And if power equates to being "too much", so be it. I personally would rather be "too much" than just enough any day.

Related Content

Facebook Comments