So, you've been kicked down yet again. The "perfect guy" that you had just let break down all of your walls turned around and hurt you, or you didn't get that job you were really wanting. Or maybe it was both, or more than a few things. Maybe you just can't catch a break these days and you just don't know when anything is ever going to improve. I can honestly say that I completely relate to your struggles. Nothing in this life has come easily to me and I have had to let go of many things that I wanted simply because it wasn't in God's plan for me.
Did my parent's divorcing when I was six totally rock my world? Yup. All the kids who called me fat during my childhood didn't make matters any easier. Was I crushed when I didn't get the first part time job I applied for? Absolutely. How about when I failed my learner's permit test on the very first try after studying for three weeks? That broke my heart too. Saying goodbye to my grandpa right before my second semester of college was excruciatingly painful. During my last two weeks of high school, I managed to lose the contest for "Senior Class Poet" and not get this award that I really wanted for involvement in my school even though I was in a special program, was a cheerleader, editor-in-chief of the yearbook and more.
Every guy who's walked into my life has left without so much as a "sorry" and I'm not anywhere near my ideal weight. I didn't have a date to a single dance in high school and I spent my junior and senior years on a team with people who literally didn't want me there because I wasn't their definition of good. They even voiced their opinion and made me feel like I was less than them pretty much every day. In fact, one of my former teammates actually laughed in my face when she ran into me in the hospital where my grandfather lay dying (little to her knowledge, but still). Pretty awful, right? I also would literally give anything to be about five inches shorter, I get selfishly tired of hearing that I'm tall. But you know what? I keep the faith. I keep believing that one of these days, one thing that I really want will work out for me somehow. God doesn't keep closing all of these doors for me for no reason, one day, I will get something that I really want. Does it suck watching all of my friends have wonderful things happen to them while I'm stuck cleaning up the pieces of my latest tragedy? Yeah, but I've become good at celebrating for them, so hopefully when it's my turn to celebrate for me, I'll be genuinely happy.
As hard as parts of my life have been for me, I always try to see the best in people, no matter the circumstance. Sometimes, I tend to give people that I care about more chances than they deserve and end up getting taken advantage of. I'm not going to tell you that I'm perfect, because I'm far from it, if anything I'm anti-perfect. I can be a complete mess, my baggage has baggage, and the only thing I'm completely fixated on for the time being are my dreams, because no one can take those away. I've been let down, heart broken, disappointed and forgotten more times than I can count on one hand, but I'm still trying. I still believe that this life could be something so rewarding and incredibly beautiful, and no matter how many times I've been pushed down, I continue to get back up and keep on trying. I have breaking points, too. Sometimes, I just can't take anything else going wrong and I just blow up.
Is there a chance I'll end up unmarried and living with 40 cats? Of course there's a chance. I might even be the walking version of the statement "always the bridesmaid, never the bride". I may never get my dream job or live in my dream city. I'm sure there will be a hundred or more things in my life that I'll want terribly but not get, and I'll feel just as helpless and lost as always. But through it all, I will never fail to turn to God. As He closes doors, I will continue to praise Him in the hallway until the next one finally opens, I'll keep being optimistic. People will still hurt me, because that's just a part of life, but I'll be strong enough to get through it. To the girl who relates to this all too well, I leave you with this advice: God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers, I encourage you to never give up, to keep holding on and to never surrender.
I challenge you to flourish off of the healthy relationships you have with your friends and family and to always try new things. Always shoot for the stars, no matter how many times your rocket completely blows up and you plummet back down to earth. After years of darkness, there can still be light. Going through the struggle you are going through right now will make you the strongest person you have ever known. Trust in God, but also trust in yourself, know that you can get back up again, and that you will.