To The Girl Who Never Gets What She Wants

To The Girl Who Never Gets What She Wants

You are not alone in this seemingly never-ending battle.
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So, you've been kicked down yet again. The "perfect guy" that you had just let break down all of your walls turned around and hurt you, or you didn't get that job you were really wanting. Or maybe it was both, or more than a few things. Maybe you just can't catch a break these days and you just don't know when anything is ever going to improve. I can honestly say that I completely relate to your struggles. Nothing in this life has come easily to me and I have had to let go of many things that I wanted simply because it wasn't in God's plan for me.

Did my parent's divorcing when I was six totally rock my world? Yup. All the kids who called me fat during my childhood didn't make matters any easier. Was I crushed when I didn't get the first part time job I applied for? Absolutely. How about when I failed my learner's permit test on the very first try after studying for three weeks? That broke my heart too. Saying goodbye to my grandpa right before my second semester of college was excruciatingly painful. During my last two weeks of high school, I managed to lose the contest for "Senior Class Poet" and not get this award that I really wanted for involvement in my school even though I was in a special program, was a cheerleader, editor-in-chief of the yearbook and more.

Every guy who's walked into my life has left without so much as a "sorry" and I'm not anywhere near my ideal weight. I didn't have a date to a single dance in high school and I spent my junior and senior years on a team with people who literally didn't want me there because I wasn't their definition of good. They even voiced their opinion and made me feel like I was less than them pretty much every day. In fact, one of my former teammates actually laughed in my face when she ran into me in the hospital where my grandfather lay dying (little to her knowledge, but still). Pretty awful, right? I also would literally give anything to be about five inches shorter, I get selfishly tired of hearing that I'm tall. But you know what? I keep the faith. I keep believing that one of these days, one thing that I really want will work out for me somehow. God doesn't keep closing all of these doors for me for no reason, one day, I will get something that I really want. Does it suck watching all of my friends have wonderful things happen to them while I'm stuck cleaning up the pieces of my latest tragedy? Yeah, but I've become good at celebrating for them, so hopefully when it's my turn to celebrate for me, I'll be genuinely happy.

As hard as parts of my life have been for me, I always try to see the best in people, no matter the circumstance. Sometimes, I tend to give people that I care about more chances than they deserve and end up getting taken advantage of. I'm not going to tell you that I'm perfect, because I'm far from it, if anything I'm anti-perfect. I can be a complete mess, my baggage has baggage, and the only thing I'm completely fixated on for the time being are my dreams, because no one can take those away. I've been let down, heart broken, disappointed and forgotten more times than I can count on one hand, but I'm still trying. I still believe that this life could be something so rewarding and incredibly beautiful, and no matter how many times I've been pushed down, I continue to get back up and keep on trying. I have breaking points, too. Sometimes, I just can't take anything else going wrong and I just blow up.

Is there a chance I'll end up unmarried and living with 40 cats? Of course there's a chance. I might even be the walking version of the statement "always the bridesmaid, never the bride". I may never get my dream job or live in my dream city. I'm sure there will be a hundred or more things in my life that I'll want terribly but not get, and I'll feel just as helpless and lost as always. But through it all, I will never fail to turn to God. As He closes doors, I will continue to praise Him in the hallway until the next one finally opens, I'll keep being optimistic. People will still hurt me, because that's just a part of life, but I'll be strong enough to get through it. To the girl who relates to this all too well, I leave you with this advice: God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers, I encourage you to never give up, to keep holding on and to never surrender.

I challenge you to flourish off of the healthy relationships you have with your friends and family and to always try new things. Always shoot for the stars, no matter how many times your rocket completely blows up and you plummet back down to earth. After years of darkness, there can still be light. Going through the struggle you are going through right now will make you the strongest person you have ever known. Trust in God, but also trust in yourself, know that you can get back up again, and that you will.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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A Senior's Last Week Of High School

The bittersweet end.
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Well, this is it. This is what we've worked so hard the last four years - who am I kidding - basically what seems like our whole lives for. This is the very last week we will set foot as a student in our high school's hallways. As most schools are getting ready to set their seniors free at last, it all begins to set in - the excitement, the anxiousness, and also the sentiment and nostalgia.

For seniors, the years since our first day as a freshman at the bottom of the high school totem pole have seemed endless, but as we look back on these last few weeks, we realize that this year in particular has gone by extraordinarily fast. It was just yesterday that we were sitting in our classrooms for the very first time, going to our 'last first' practice, and getting our first taste of the (very real) "senioritis". With all that's going on in our lives right now, from sports and clubs, finals, and the sought after graduation ceremony, it's hard to really sit down and think about how our lives are all about to become drastically different. For some it's moving out, and for some it's just the thought of not seeing your best friend on the way to fourth period English; either way, the feels are real. We are all in a tug of war with the emotions going on inside of us; everything is changing - we're ready, but we're not.

THE GOOD. Our lives are about to begin! There is a constant whirlwind of excitement. Senior awards, getting out of school early, parties, and of course Graduation. We are about to be thrust into a world of all new things and new people. Calling our own shots and having the freedom we have so desperately desired since the teenage years began is right around the corner. Maybe the best part is being able to use these new things surrounding you to grow and open your mind and even your heart to ideas you never could before. We get the chance to sink or swim, become our own person, and really begin to find ourselves.

Things we don't even know yet are in the works with new people we haven't even met yet. These friendships we find will be the ones to last us a lifetime. The adventures we experience will transform into the advice we tell our own children and will become the old tales we pass down to our grandkids when they come to visit on the weekends. We will probably hate the all night study sessions, the intensity of finals week, and the overpowering stress and panic of school in general, just like we did in high school... But it will all be worth it for the memories we make that will outlive the stress of that paper due in that class you absolutely hate. As we leave high school, remember what all the parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors are telling you - this are the best times of our lives!

THE BAD. The sentimental emotions are setting in. We're crying, siblings are tearing up, and parents are full-out bawling. On that first day, we never expected the school year to speed by the way it did. Suddenly everything is coming to an end. Our favorite teachers aren't going to be down the hall anymore, our best friends probably won't share a class with us, we won't be coming home to eat dinner with our families...

We all said we wanted to get out of this place, we couldn't wait, we were ready to be on our own; we all said we wouldn't be "so emotional" when the time came, but yet here we are, wishing we could play one more football game with our team or taking the time to make sure we remember the class we liked the most or the person that has made us laugh even when we were so stressed we could cry these past few years. Take the time to hug your parents these last few months. Memorize the facial expressions of your little sister or brother. Remember the sound of your dad coming home from work. These little things we take for granted every day will soon just be the things we tell our college roommate when they ask about where we're from. As much as we've wanted to get out of our house and our school, we never thought it would break our heart as much as it did. We are all beginning to realize that everything we have is about to be gone.

Growing up is scary, but it can also be fun. As we take the last few steps in the hallways of our school, take it all in. Remember, it's okay to be happy; it's okay to be totally excited. But also remember it's okay to be sad. It's okay to be sentimental. It's okay to be scared, too. It's okay to feel all these confusing emotions that we are feeling. The best thing about the bittersweet end to our high school years is that we are finally slowing down our busy lives enough to remember the happy memories.

Try not to get annoyed when your mom starts showing your baby pictures to everyone she sees, or when your dad starts getting aggravated when you talk about moving out and into your new dorm. They're coping with the same emotions we are. Walk through the halls remembering the classes you loved and the classes you hated. Think of the all great times that have happened in our high school years and the friends that have been made that will never be forgotten. We all say we hated school, but we really didn't. Everything is about to change; that's a happy thing, and a sad thing. We all just have to embrace it! We're ready, but we're not...

Cover Image Credit: Facebook

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Why Ignorance In Our Country Is Not Bliss

And it never will be.

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The saying ignorance is bliss is a bunch of crap. Ignorance is ignorance.

With everything going on in our country, I think it is very important for us to be educating ourselves.

You don't trust the news? Do your own digging.

You don't understand? Do some research.

You don't have the same perspective? Share it.

You only have your religious beliefs to base your knowledge? Learn before you judge.

We live in a scary world today. People judge others they've never met or before they've ever heard their story. People involve themselves in matters that they shouldn't be involved in. People are trying to regulate other people's bodies.

People don't want to learn about the issues they so strongly believe in. People don't want to hear the other side. When did party affiliation become more important than being a human being? When did men get the power to decide what women can do with their bodies? When did we stop being compassionate? When did we stop being decent human beings?

I don't want to live in a world where I have all these questions.

I don't want to live in a world where a judicial system will convict a woman who got an abortion after she was raped, but won't convict her rapist.

I don't want to live in a world where my social media timeline makes me want to cry.

I want to live in a world where everyone's opinion matters, not just the one you agree with.

I want to live in a world where everyone's voice is heard equally, not just the one's in power.

I want to live in a world where everyone's story is taken into consideration, not just the one's the government wants you to hear.

I want to live in a world where I can raise a young girl and not be afraid for her.

I want to live in a world where we do good.

I want to live in a world where we have differences, but that doesn't make us any less equal.

I want to live in a world where we don't judge before we know.

I want to live in a world where religious beliefs are respected.

I want to live in a world where it doesn't matter what political party you are.

I want to live in a world where people see right from wrong.

I want to live in a world where I am not afraid.

What kind of world do you want to live in?

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