To the “funny friend,"
I know how you feel. You're hurting. You've put up walls, so no one can see through them; so no one can get through them. You think that if you make people laugh, they will think that you're happy. They'll think that you're okay. They won't worry about you, because that's the last thing you want. You think that maybe if you're the one cracking all the jokes, everyone will think that you're okay. You're scared to let people know how you really feel, because you don't want them to judge you.
You don't like to feel vulnerable. You don't want to be a bother to your friends, because you're scared that if they see how you really feel they won't want to be there for you anymore. You're scared that if they see behind your walls, they will distance themselves from you. Sometimes, it's not an act and you're truly happy; but other times, you're struggling to even show up.
However, that is far from the truth.
Your real friends won't leave you just because you're going through a rough patch. If anything, they'll love on you and give you encouragement. If your friends aren't like this, they aren't your “real" friends and you should probably try and find some new ones.
You'll look back on this one day and wonder why you ever let these thoughts pop into your head. You'll wonder why you ever let opinions of others control your decisions. One day, you'll rise above all of this and be truly happy. One day, you'll be who you were destined to be.. so until that day, hold onto this: you are beautiful, you are strong, and you will get through this.
Sincerely, your future self.