His phone lights up.
The screen shows a name that I know all too well...
For a brief moment, I wonder why you're calling him. Even though I try to convince myself not to care or to think a second thought about it. I don't want you to get into my head, consuming my thoughts with "what if...," getting the best of my insecurities that think that you could once again waltz back into his life and make him happier than I can. But, most importantly, bring up old feelings and memories in his mind of you, the person who once had his heart.
The contact that you try to initiate with him is unnecessary.
It isn't right.
He has moved on from the heart break that you caused him just as I wish you could move on and heal form the hurt that I know he caused you. But, in order to move on and assure you that his heart is in good hands, there are a few things I want you to know.
To the girl he loved before me:
This is probably a letter that you never expected to receive but life has a crazy way of doing things that we least expect. Even though you and I have never actually met, I feel as though I know you (at least a little bit). After all, we have to have at least a similar taste in men to have fallen for the same man. Maybe we're more alike than what meets the eye or the pixilated images that I see when I browsed your Instagram a time or two to see what the girl who had his heart before was like.
This letter isn't meant to tear you down, disrespect you, or embarrass you in any way. I actually just wanted to say thank you - yeah, thank you. (I know that isn't what you were expecting).
There are so many things that I could tell you thank you for but I'll just acknowledge the big few:
Thank you for seeing how incredible he is. You know as well as I do how smart, sincere, sarcastic, and skilled he is. You saw the things that make him unique and so special. While you were with him, you saw the more personal, more vulnerable layers of his being that not everyone gets to see or he even realizes about himself.
Thank you for loving him in the way that you could love him. While with you, he learned how to treat a girl, how to make her smile, and how to make her feel adored. But, best of all, you showed him how to respond to our girly whims, mood-swings, and constant need for love and attention.
Thank you for being difficult. While he was with you, it wasn't always easy (no relationship is) but you taught him the importance of fighting for someone that he didn't want to lose. He realized that relationships take time, effort, and communication if they have any hope of working.
Thank you for breaking his heart. You left the boy who would do anything to make someone smile. I can't tell you enough how thankful I am that you broke his heart because now I got to meet this amazing man, discover all his quirks, and help him to mend his once broken heart into one that is hopeful and ready to love again.
There are a lot of things that I have to tell you thank you for and you may not believe just how thankful I am that you love the man who has stolen my heart before I had the chance to do so. I'll never be jealous of the time that you spent with him just as I hope that he isn't jealous of the time that I spent with the boys of my past. I'm thankful that you had the time that you did with him and loved him the best way that you knew how to, tried to make it work, and ultimately, realized that even though you were both trying that the love both of you had to give one another wasn't enough. The broken road that he was one after it ended between you both led the amazing man of your past to me.
He is the biggest blessing that I could have ever received even though when I first met him I didn't realize that he was God's answers to my prayers.
He makes me happy.
He makes me feel beautiful and understood.
I adore him.
He means so much to me. I hope you realize that. You once loved him and I know that there is still a place in your heart that still loves him and always will because those feelings don't just disappear. So, if you still love him at all then you'd want him to be happy - let him be happy. Let him be happy with me.
I try not to be possessive of him and jealous of the contact that you keep trying to initiate but, just listen...
Every time I see his phone light up with your name on it whether it be a phone call, text, or snapchat my heart stops and my mind begins to think the worse. I want to believe the sensible part of my brain that says you're just being a friend who wants to say "hey" but I don't know you; I don't know if you have an ulterior motive. To me, you are the girl who once had the heart of the man that has now stolen mind. I try to fight the insecurity that occasionally creeps into my heart and mind but it's hard to stop all the time. I'm only human. I'm only a girl who wears her heart on her sleeve and wants to love the man that she never saw coming but now doesn't want to imagine life without.
So, from one girl to another please respect him and his right to happiness. You had your chance to make him smile and be "his girl," but that time has passed. Please, be a friend from a distance or be someone who encourages when he doesn't believe in himself. You know him better than many people; therefore, you know how big his heart is. Don't take his loving heart and kindness for granted. Every time you reach out to him, you know he's going to respond or feel the need to because that's the kind of person he is. He never wants to hurt anyone, especially those he cares about. So, for his happiness, please, be a friend but respect his space.
The girl he loves now