First, I wanted to begin by sharing my personal experiences involved with cheating and how the infidelity has changed various aspects of my own life. I, myself, have been that girl. I have been that person who was cheated on and played by the ones I care about and trust most. I felt more betrayed than I ever imagined possible.

I have also witnessed what cheating did to my brother’s marriage, and how he changed dramatically after the divorce. I saw the pain he experienced that transferred to almost every realm of his life. I have also been recuperating from what my dad did to my stepmom--left her for his sister.

While this situation is the most difficult to share and explain, the consequences that the modification inflicted onto my family are never-ending. Especially when my stepmom was someone who helped my sick mom up until the months that she passed. The pain, confusion, anxiety, and other emotions that have arisen will never be feeling that I can eloquently describe to portray exactly what I have dealt with.

What have I felt through every one of the situations? I have doubted myself, that I will ever find happiness and someone who is faithful. I have blamed myself for not only those relationships, but any relationship that does not work out. I have questioned my character because if someone cheats on me once, who says that it will not happen again? I have lost self-confidence because I believed I was not good enough, over and over again.

However, are my stories and past experiences an exact replica of your situation? Of course not, but the emotions tend to be similar. I know the pain I have felt and can believe that even a sliver of them is parallel to others in the same place. Perhaps, the woman who you broke cardinal girl code with and do not regret it. My heart truly goes out to her.

So what do I have to say to you after your proclamation about breaking girl code? After the pain you inflicted? After you knowingly made a decision that would hurt someone else? After you seemingly showed no remorse for the ending of their relationship?

Thank you.

Thank you for being honest with how you feel. Thank you for acknowledging the decision you made. Thank you for being brave enough to tell a story that you are not one-hundred percent proud of, but are learning to accept. Thank you, for being you.

Most people are going to hate you, but I refuse to. Most people are going to come at you with harsh sentiments, but that is a waste of my time.

Most people do not want to understand what you did, but I know you are a human and make mistakes. I know people will remain stubborn to the concept that you ruined lives, but I have to take my own accountability for what has happened in the past too.

I read your article over a dozen times, and I tried to understand the decision you made. I cannot say I would have done the same, but I also realized that I still do not know you, all of you. You do not provide specific details of their relationship, so I will not jump to conclusions about how things were between them.

I am not sure if they were married, or separated, or just dating. Yes, they had kids, but were they happy? I truly do not know, I was never a part of the relationship. I also was never in your shoes at that moment, and that is why I choose to have patience with you.

What I will say is, you are right. Especially when you state, “Everything happens for a reason.” The pain, the tears, the hurt--they all occur for a meaning. We do not always see the meaning behind what we are experiencing, but we have to trust that others’ decisions, our decisions, and the world’s decisions have a purpose greater than ourselves. I cling to this belief because the bitterness and hatred towards the pain of the past have consumed too much of my time and energy, and they do not deserve that power.

At this point, most people are rolling their eyes at me. And that is okay, their misunderstanding and alternating perceptions are fine with me. But I believe that everything happens for a reason because who knows if I would have been happy with the guy who cheated on me?

Maybe we were too young, too immature, and not able to stay in a committed relationship anyway. Maybe the band-aid was ripped off at the perfect time before I got even more caught up in the romance. Can anyone say that my brother would have always stayed happy with his ex-wife if she did not make that decision to cheat while he was overseas? I personally do not know, but what I do know is that he would not be married to another beautiful and amazing person if they were not divorced.

My brother is now authentically happy, and that path led him to his current position. Can you guarantee that my dad would have been content with my step-mom permanently?

I know they had their issues like anyone else, but I applaud him for still attempting to make the best of the situation and chase his own happiness. He deserves joy, even if he is not proud of his past actions and the pain he inflicted upon this family.

So what am I trying to state through all that has happened? You do not have to feel regret for your decision. I know you feel bad for having caused pain to the other woman, but you should not feel like you have to regret your choice. You deserve to be forgiven, not only by yourself but by others too, even if they refuse to do so.

You deserve happiness. You deserve to find that happiness. You deserve to accept the situation and make the best of what has happened. You deserve to live freely, without everyone jumping down your throat the second they heard a snippet of your story. You deserve understanding, and I hope the most important people in your life provide you with that opportunity.

You deserve love, and I hope you have found it.