For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with acne. I started using topical medicine and creams in elementary school and every day since then. I was always jealous of people’s perfect skin and wished so hard that I could wake up each morning and not have to wear a single drop of makeup to class.
When I entered my freshmen year of college, the struggle grew worse. I was used to my parents and sister seeing me with all my red bumps but having my friends see them too? That was scary. It was inventible though as I shared a community bathroom with 38 other girls so I soon came to terms with the fact that people would see my acne and all its glory. My friends always told me that they never noticed my zits, but I always did.
I spent the next 2 ½ years obsessing over my skin. I rarely looked anyone in the eye when they spoke to me, scared they would be only looking at my acne. I would wake up 30 minutes earlier on school days just so I would have time to put on full coverage makeup. I also spent a good deal of time looking up weird home-made remedies for my skin (most of which were unsuccessful at working).
It wasn’t until my third year of college that I decided enough was enough. I was tired of worrying about my skin when there were much bigger things to be worrying about. With a lot of research and back-and-forth, I finally decided to go on Accutane, also known as Isotretinoin. This was a decision I didn’t take lightly as this severe acne treatment plan can be dangerous.
For those that don’t know, Accutane is a Vitamin A derivative and helps shrink the sebaceous gland, which is what causes acne. By taking the medicine for 5-6 months, a patient will see a complete reduction in the amount of cystic acne they have. However, the 5-6 month treatment period is pretty sucky (for lack of a better word). Knowing how bad the side effects could be, was why I was so nervous about taking it. However, I decided that for me it was worth a little suffering to get the end result that I wanted.
I made sure going into the 5-month process that I had realistic goals. I knew that everything I wanted to happen wasn't necessarily going to happen. I told myself from the beginning that even though I wanted to be completely acne free that in reality, I probably would have some breakouts. My main end goal of Accutane though was to be able to go to class without makeup on. To many, this may seem like the strangest goal, but for a girl who has spent the better 7-10 years of her life wearing makeup every day, this was all I wanted! I didn't want to feel like I had to wear makeup every day, I wanted to have the choice and to enjoy treating myself on special occasions with makeup.
To say the 5 months on Accutane was a breeze would be the biggest understatement of the year. It was a hard couple of months. My side effects were pretty intense. I had extremely dry skin, itchy hands, eczema, mood swings, and you can’t forget the monthly blood work checks (always a joy). I also cried a lot more than usual. The thing that kept me from stopping though was seeing how much better my skin was getting and seeing my confidence slowly growing. For the first time in my life, I was excited to look in the bathroom mirror to see the changes on my skin. Plus, I had a great support system behind me. My friends, boyfriend, and family were all there cheering me on every step of the way!
I ended my round of Accutane in February of this past year, a few weeks before my 21st birthday (a true gift). My skin is clear but nowhere close to perfect. I still have occasional breakouts and rosacea on my cheeks, but I have truly come to terms that there is no such thing as perfect. I know I won’t have the perfect skin and I’m learning that I just have to be okay with that. Some days are harder than others to tell yourself that. I know I'm still not always super happy when I have a breakout, but who really is? All I can say is Accutane helped me get to a point where I am finally 100% comfortable in my own skin, I can go makeup free to class and I can actually look people straight in the eye! No longer do I feel trapped by my skin, but free.
I can’t tell you that Accutane is the right choice for you, but it was the right choice for me. 😊