Christmas is stressful. We’ve got gifts to buy, boxes to send, parties to go to, cookies to bake, and Christmas cards to mail. There’s always so much going on, that I often lose sight of smaller things. Until this morning, my head was mostly focused on seeing friends and baking cookie for family and friends (but then eating a solid amount by myself).
I saw a Walmart commercial that featured men going to their buy-online, pick-up in store feature. After dozens of men go through line, one woman goes into the que to pick up those last-minute gifts. The female Walmart employee then says hello in a quizzical way, shocked that a woman would leave these things to the last second.
I then thought of a conversation I had this weekend with some friends, who stated that girls are just so much more thoughtful than guys.
I then ruminated on that thought, and why it bothered me.
This past semester, I was fortunate enough to take a very thought provoking class called ‘Sociology of the Family’. I took it while abroad in Denmark, which made it all the more interesting. I was able to examine the conventions we hold for our families in America, and compare them against those in Europe.
What I learned shocked me not only in how progressive Scandinavian countries are with gender equality, but how behind the US seems to be in many respects. It didn’t surprise me that other countries had better maternity and paternity leave than the US, because it seems that that isn’t hard to do. It didn’t surprise me that many fathers in European countries have always had more active roles in parenting and housework.
In class, we talked about how we emphasize different types of intelligence for young boys and girls. Boys are praised for their academic prowess - for being good at math, getting good grades, and taking leadership roles. Girls are praised for their interpersonal intelligence - being able to recognize when someone is sad or left out, when they leave a good impression, when they can sense someone is feeling good or bad. Young girls then master ways of demonstrating that emotional intelligence - leaving notes of gratitude and thanks, getting gifts for special occasions, and being all-around thoughtful.
Don’t misunderstand me. Men and women both have these types of intelligence. But there is a premium put on both for men and women, separately. It seems unusual to have young girls not be in-tune with their emotions, but there is justification in some way for boys that it’s usual. It seems to be a joke we hold as a society that for every forgetful husband, there is a thoughtful wife. And when you watch a commercial that reinforces the notion that men are inherently more forgetful than women, it’s hard to get over this gendered stereotype.
Around Christmas, for all those who celebrate it, there’s something that we’re drawn to. The spirit of Christmas Time only exists because people feed into it, because people believe in it. It’s a spirit of generosity and kindness that is rooted in gift-giving. The most meaningful gifts are the most thoughtful gifts. That is something that should and does transcend notions of gendered notions emotional-intelligence.
Girls aren’t more thoughtful than boys. It’s not inherent. It’s something we’re taught.