We live in a world where a lot of people meet online, and conversations happen online and over text message. This is a part of society that adds a lot of confusion to the dating world because it adds so many problems with it. Especially with the concept of not responding, more specifically ghosting someone.
Last year, I was ghosted by someone. I was really interested in this person, and I even expressed that I was interested in them, and we had made plans to go out another time. However, they never followed up again. Even a couple of days after our last text messages were sent, I would send him Snapchats of myself and he would leave me on open, whereas prior he would respond, and we would have a conversation over Snapchat.
Not going to lie, I was really hurt by this and I felt this huge form of rejection. This guy seemed like he was interested, and it felt like I was on the verge of my first actual relationship. However, there was some miscommunication on both ends, and after I was interested and expressed interest in him, he lost his apparent interest in me.
Not the best way to start my summer, but life goes on and clearly, he wasn't supposed to be in my life then. Moving on, after struggling to fall asleep on one summer night, I woke up from my dream thinking about this event and the concept of "ghosting".
I want to start off by saying that I've intentionally ghosted at least two people, possibly more, but I don't recall. I have a tendency to not check/forget to respond to messages from guys because at this point, I am not focused on finding boyfriend. As a result, sometimes I've forgotten to respond to guys entirely. Point is, I am not an angel and I don't want to ever ghost someone again because it is wrong.
In fact, to call myself out just as much as I called out the guy who ghosted me. I once said to a guy, "Want to hear a ghost story?" Once he responded, I never responded back.
The other time I ghosted someone, my cousin made me respond to them and talk to them. Then once they asked me out on a date, I had to reject them and put them in the friendzone. It looked like the guy got a girlfriend after, so it all worked out for him, I am still very single though.
Ghosting is wrong, and nobody should ever do it. However, it's something that most, if not all, people do at one point in their lives because they don't want to lead someone on, but they don't want to necessarily end the conversation and close the door completely. It's like having a back-up plan, which in life, when going for a dream to start a professional adventure, is nice, but in romance is a big no-no.
Ghosting is the act of simply not responding to someone when the conversation is flowing over text, and the other person is clearly interested. The conversation has not ended in the other parties' eyes but has in yours. Now, sometimes after a goodnight text the conversation never picks up again and to me, that's not ghosting because it ended, and no party made an effort to start it up again.
I want to clarify this because sometimes conversations just end mutually without a formal and the fact that I will never text you again is mutual. According to my friends, this is how most Tinder conversations end. Maybe, that's just them ghosting people though, I don't know.
I digress, but ghosting is a form of rejection that is so confusing and hard to understand. Simply because we live in a world where people like me exist and either forget to respond or don't look at their phones for the entire day. Therefore, people wonder if they got the message and forgot to respond (most likely me), or they are ignoring the message completely.
I am aware that some people are just bad with checking their phones. I have friends that literally only respond to me every other week because that's how frequently they check their text messages. It's fine because I know that's just them.
That's why there is this confusion when it comes to ghosting. These people don't mean to not respond, and they definitely don't mean to ignore people (I hope), it's just that they spend their time doing other things. Nobody can truly tell, unless it's blatantly obvious like the time the guy ghosted me, and it's so confusing and hard.
The thing that makes the ghosting so unbearably painful and rude is that it's not just plain rejection. It's rejection that creates anxiety about if the other person will ever respond back. I've been on the other end of ghosting where I would check my phone constantly to see if they texted back.
I would do this all day, and sometimes I would ironically miss other messages as a result in waiting for this one message to come through. Although, it never did, and I wasted my time by my phone all day for nothing. Not only did I feel anxious waiting for the message to come, but I felt depressed and sad that it never came.
With any rejection, I know that I tend to blame myself as do other people. When you get ghosted, it's sort of you rejecting yourself for the other person. That's hard, especially since we tend to be harder on ourselves as people.
I know that I will look at something I made and point out all of the flaws and problems in it. However, if my friend were to see it, they would say it's amazing and complement it (hopefully). They don't see the mistakes in it because they weren't the ones to create it, so all they see is the final product.
That same concept applies to ghosting because when you accept that you've been ghosted, you try to figure out why they ghosted you. I know that I do this, but you point out all of the flaws that you see in yourself and it is so self-deprecating, it's painful. I hate doing it because in reality, it's probably due to the fact that they've just lost interest, and nothing is wrong with you.
That's what I want to emphasize, nothing is wrong with you. You are this amazing and beautiful human being, no matter whether or not you've been rejected or ghosted. You are still this amazing human being who deserves the best in life.
To everyone out there, if you see that the other person is interested, but you've lost interest in them, don't ghost them. It's okay to lose interest in someone because it's natural, but find a way to politely end the conversation, and if it results in you being direct, then be direct. Rip of the band-aid for them, so they don't do it for themselves and make it unnecessarily worse.