Ah, college. Whether you go to a big research university, or a small liberal arts college, it's all the same: your school is a breeding ground for germs and sickness. Like many others, I spent the first semester fighting off a raging sore throat, a treacherous cough, and a perpetual running nose. Unfortunately for me, my first semester sniffles culminated in a bout of mono which was just not what I thought my tuition was paying for. Fortunately for you, because I won the Bacteria Bingo (although mono is technically a virus, but I digress), I am here to help you learn how to take of yourself because, sorry friends, Mommy isn’t here.

First, your mom warns you. “Don’t share drinks, don’t share food!” Yeah, yeah sure. Then, your roommate starts saying her throat hurts and you feel bad but obviously continue your carefree ways.

And then, it happens (cue dramatic music). You wake up and can’t swallow. Soon the cough ensues and then the chills creep up your back, next follow the night sweats, fever and it's all over. Health Services will say it’s just a virus, it’ll go away, as you're hacking up both your lungs and feeling the world end around you. Mom doesn’t answer your call, and the Lobby Shop is out DayQuil. Brace yourself, it's just the beginning.

You can survive, though! Here I am, almost halfway through the second semester, with half as many tissues and cough drops used as before. To prevent your malady, here are my three biggest tips.

Wash Your Hands

Sounds easy right? Maybe if we used this trick our teachers in kindergarten taught us, we wouldn’t be crying now.

Take Your Vitamin C

I was never one for taking vitamins until my immune system got its butt kicked at school, and now my value pack of “Vitamin C Immune Support” gummies from BJ’s is my first friend in the morning.

Don’t Share Drinks

People, even though mono is called “the kissing disease” it doesn’t discriminate based on how fluids get shared! Be smart, like your mom already warned you.

If you obediently follow my advice, and still fall ill here’s some advice on what to do next.

Sleep

If you can attend class, you best be getting your butt there. However, instead of using your free time to binge watch Netflix or stuff your face, do what’s best for you: Sleep. Seriously, you could wake up a whole new person (and be seriously confused).

Hydrate

I’m not a bio major, nor do I claim to know much medically, but if I learned one thing from my extended stay at the gross luxurious Health Services Hotel, it's that water can and will save your life. Even when you’re shivering and sweating from your fever, know that water is your friend, alcohol is not.

Stop Complaining

I’m sure your friends love you dearly and are positively saddened to see you in such a dismal state. But whining is not your best option, darling. Everyone’s been there and if they haven’t it'll happen soon enough so save your complaints for the phone call with Mom.

Getting sick is never fun, and in college it's just the worst. Don’t fear though, you will get better, I promise. And for now, keep washing those hands.