Now Here… (Decades)
Decades ago
Time seemed to move so slow
Now here it's really strange
There's confusion
Much distortion
All these boxes
This color
That color
It's really strange
This God
That God
It's really strange
This man
That woman
Don't get caught in it
Now here look past it
I can see
Finally starting to meet you
It's very nice to meet you
Don't lose us
Now I know what you were saying
You see me now too I'm praying
Decades ago
Myself I made this bed
To which I lay in the end
But when I wake
I can choose to start again
Creator willing, I can again...
This poem is meant to be read as a reflection of how you've grown and learned over the decades. Sometimes its hard to think back through tough times, but sometimes it's necessary for your maturation.
Looking back over life from childhood to adulthood things can get complicated, arduous, and puzzling. That is unless you can keep an open mind. From birth we are bombarded with stereotypes, norms, ideas, etc. Just make sure to stay true to you.
You can get lost in the translation. Trying to find out why you are the way you are. Why you do things funny or weird. Why people always assume things about you. Why your parents didn't allow you to do what you wanted (good or bad). Why you like to do things a certain way. Why your attracted to certain things or people. Why you make certain friends. Why you're good at some things but not others. Why you're so indecisive. Why you get into certain situations. Why you're even here.
That's okay. I know how you feel. So does that girl over there, and that guy behind you. Yes, your best friend knows as well. So does your mom, coworker, all the people in New Jersey, Delaware, Bulgaria, and Venezuela. Everyone knows. We're all human, more alike than we are different. We all feel the struggle for self-worth, self-knowledge, and self-discovery. That is all okay. But don't get caught in it! Now here, look past it.
What are you? Which region did your ancestors come from? This one or that one? Are you black or white? Or do you have Hispanic in you? First generation? Which of these boxes do you fit into?
Whenever I see these types of questions my mind goes straight to, "Where's the box that says multiple?" I can't stand when it says check one. How do you ask me to choose one part of myself? And honestly, why does it even matter? Is it reassuring to know that my hair moves in a different way, or that I don't burn in the sun? Do you base all of your judgements on, 'Statistics?'
Are you religious? If yes, which religion? And then, which group? And now, which book do you follow? When you are here you can't wear that. We pray like this. We don't associate with that group. If you don't do this the same way, every day, before 12 p.m., when it rains, and twice on Tuesday, you're not accepted, you won't have eternal life.
If that's the structure you like, then live your life that way! Don't let anyone discourage you. Stick to it 100 percent, not just every now and then. If that's not what you like, then by all means live in a different way. Don't let anyone discourage you. You can all coexist. No matter what, live your life for you! Don't do something just because the pastor said so, or because the book said so. Reach for the deeper meaning. Find what's real for yourself. What makes sense to you. What resonates within you.
It's all really strange.
Sometimes it takes a while to completely, 'find,' yourself. You're always there though. Sometimes you just don't know how to see yourself because your mind/vision are clouded with the opinions of others, hatred, jealousy, ignorance, misunderstanding, and some of these things can be subconscious. You may not even know your true feelings.
Though, when you do find you, you must hold on. Many things can try to take away your newfound sense of purpose. Trust yourself enough to say no when you need to. Make sure you make time for yourself. Spend time with yourself to make sure your needs are being met. I know it seems like you have so much to do. You don't feel like you have time to just sit and rest for five minutes. I feel the exact same way, especially as a college student. It seems like nothing is ever truly done. You need to find what gives you a few minutes of joy each day even if you have to do it while working on another task. For me, I love driving alone. One of the only times its acceptable to scream lyrics at the top of your lungs. I just sing and laugh at myself. Sometimes I sit in silence and breath if I feel like I just need to listen to myself or honestly to talk to a higher power. But that only last a short time because I still need to jam out!
Whatever works for you, you need to find it and do it because this life isn't always cheerful and positive. We should strive to keep a positive outlook but know some days you just want to be alone, and that is totally okay! Push through to better days!
Ultimately, your life is all in your hands. It can be very hard at a young age to understand this, but it's completely true. Everything you do or don't do creates a ripple, that will affect the ocean you call life for years to come.
Just know that this doesn't always have to be a negative thing. You could do one thing that triggers a long period of positive change in your life. Know that success and happiness are not a destination but a journey, as cliché as that sounds, it's totally true. Understand that the journey is not going to be happy and sunshine 24/7. There will be dark days to leave you feeling depressed and negative. That's where you persevere. That's where you know to push through. You just have to get through it.
Know that tomorrow is a new day. You can start again.