How to get out of a toxic relationship

Get Out Of That Toxic AF Relationship Now

Breaking news, just because you are friends doesn't mean they can treat you like crap.

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When you enter a relationship with someone be it a romantic or platonic one, you typically go in wide-eyed and under the impression that nothing could go wrong between the both of you. Everything is fine, you go along your life noticing tidbits here and there that you find odd, but seem to always find an excuse to write off any and all behavior he or she was exhibiting.

Eventually, you begin to believe that their actions/ behavior towards you are indeed your own fault. The first reason being is they blame you, the second is because no one defends you and you feel like you deserve it. These are clear signs that you are in a toxic friendship/relationship and you need to get the hell out.

According to an article posted on Psychology Today, their description of a toxic relationship is as follows, "...unhealthy individuals target and prey upon others for their own personal needs and gratification."

For years I had been in a situation quite similar to the one above, I had entered a relationship with a group of people who seemed like normal. Things were all fun and as the years went by and everyone became more acquainted, which meant I became more and more "used" to how things were between that certain individual and I. As time went on, I was blamed for events that took place to which I had zero involvement, I was used as a scapegoat for their emotional issues, and constantly judged and ridiculed behind my back to those who had not bothered to know me as a person and even worse those who claimed to be my friends. Eventually, I began to change who I was, tiptoeing around every situation, making sure whatever I said wouldn't cause more "problems".

All the while, I sat there, taking each blow after blow because, apparently, there was always some excuse made up to have me be the fault to each situation. Even when I would try to defend myself, an excuse was given to that person's actions and I was not only expected to apologize but would never receive an apology for any one action. No matter what I did, no matter how many "heart to heart" conversations were had it never seemed to be enough for the individuals involved to see their wrongs. This turned into a toxic never-ending loop and I was drowning.

Now, if you have recognized my own personal encounter as something you yourself or someone you know has been going through, there are a few options you can look into in order to self-help the situation. The first is to take responsibility. Now I know this sounds odd, but at the end of the day, you yourself have allowed that individual to stay in your life. There comes a point where you and only you have allowed them to be a continuing factor in your life.

The second option is to set boundaries. Not to confuse setting boundaries with the idea of building up walls, because you should not have to wall yourself off from the world. You need to make sure that you have enough distance from the situation to where you will no longer allow yourself to be affected by that individual's actions. Anything they now try to accuse you of is all because they are going out of their way to involve you.

The third option is to end the friendship. I know it is hard to break up with people, but sometimes, the lines have been crossed too many times and you are no longer able to take the smoke and lies they serve at your door. Walking away can be your only way to finally be rid of their toxicity and that is perfectly OK.

If you are someone who has been going through a similar situation or if you know anyone who has been reaching out with concerns, please know that you are not alone and in no way is anyone's behavior towards you your fault. At the end of the day, you and only you have the power to allow other people's actions to affect your life. Understand that they themselves are struggling internally, and once you have come to that conclusion, you can shut the door on those individuals and watch your life blossom.

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To My Best Friend Who Taught Me What True Friendship Is, I Can't Thank You Enough

"To the person who will love you endlessly, love her with kindness and understanding."
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Dear Best Friend,

You have been a part of my life for quite some time now. You have seen my good, bad, and ugly sides and have stuck by my side through it all. I don't know if I could ever find the words to truly thank you for everything your friendship has given me, but I am definitely going to try.

Our lives have taken some twist and turn these past few years, but we have stayed strong through it all.

Thank you for judging me just the right amount.

Throughout our friendship, I have made some very questionable decisions. A lot of people would say "thanks for never judging me," but I feel like everyone needs a best friend who's going to tell them how it is, to tell them when they are about to make a bad decision or how to avoid something worse from happening. You have always told me how it is (even when I don't always want to hear it), but I know that I can come to you whenever I need someone to set me straight.

You're always down to do nothing with me.

I think that you are the one person that I can call up to hang out and do absolutely nothing with and have a good time. From the nights sitting in and playing card games to ordering Chinese food and watching an entire Netflix series while I dance around with the cat: I know that we could do anything, and nothing together and it would be fun.

But also, you're always down to get lit with me.

I swear one day we will be two old moms at a bar drinking vodka crans and laughing about the stupid shit our husbands and children do. You're always down to go out and have a good time. Even if everyone else we're with is miserable, we find a way to laugh at ourselves.

You are one of the few constant things in my life.

I've lost a lot of friends in my life, but you have stayed by my side through everything. I can't remember the last time we actually fought about anything, but even when we do we can't stay mad at each other for more than a day. I know we will be in each other's lives until we literally keel over.

I want you yo know that you're the strongest person I know.

You've dealt with things that not many people go through ever in their life. You have always been so mature, and you handle everything with grace. You inspire me every day with your goals and successes and I am so proud of you and all of your accomplishments.

Above all else, you deserve the world.

It's so easy to get caught up in your own mind and think that you deserve the things that happen to you, but please know that the only thing you deserve is happiness. Please settle for nothing short of that. It may take a bit to find your happiness, but I will be there every step of the way. You're a remarkable human being, and I want nothing but the best for you.

To the person who will hold your heart someday, please do not break it. To the person who may wrong you, you will regret it forever. To the person who will love you endlessly, love her with kindness and understanding.

You, my best friend, future bridesmaid, godmother of my children, the person to bail me out of jail, the one who lets me cry on their couch for twelve hours,

I love you.

I will cherish our friendship forever. Thank you for being you.

Love always,

Your best friend.

Cover Image Credit: Adriana Ranieri

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Being The Last Friend To Turn 21 Isn't ALL Bad

All your friends have turned 21, but that is okay

Cassidy
Cassidy
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You may think being the last one out of your friend group to turn twenty-one is the worst thing in the world, but in all honesty, it doesn't have to be. One of the biggest perks is that everyone of your friends can go out to the bars with you on your birthday. All the people who turn twenty-one first have to wait for people to be able to go out with them, but you get to celebrate your birthday with all of your friends.

Another huge reason you should feel okay with being last to turn twenty-one is thinking about all the money you are saving. The bars are expensive. When you don't go to the bars you are saving so much money because an average bar drink is about seven dollars. This being said seven dollars multiple times a night, multiple nights a week really adds up, so you are going to have to budget your money better.

You don't have to be the one to buy alcohol for everyone else. Having a ton of people ask you to buy them alcohol must get annoying at a point, and if you're the youngest out of your friends, no one will be asking you to do liquor store runs for them because they can all go already for themselves.

The biggest reason is that you can enjoy being young. You should still continue to enjoy going to house parties and just being able to hang out with friends without having to go to the bars. Spend these months before you turn twenty-one just being able to enjoy life without feeling obligated to go out to the bars all the time. You have a great excuse when you don't want to drink on a weekday to just stay in. This being said it will be your turn to turn twenty-one soon.

Cassidy
Cassidy

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