I'm a fairly new member of adulthood and that subconsciously has me thinking about what the rest of my life holds. There is so much ahead of me, I know, but I am a planner. I like to have goals set out way ahead of time.
I've been paying extra close attention to the way the women in my life are operating and living their lives. Not to be just like them, but to see if they are happy with whatever role they've taken in society. It makes me wonder who is happy and who isn't, because above all things, I want happiness for my future. I've been working hard to have the kind of life I want for myself with no strings attached.
But while I'm watching, so are they. They see me make certain moves and they show their approval or lack of it. So many people have expectations of me. The role I would presumably take would be to finish college, get a career or not get a career because it wouldn't really matter anyway, and then definitely settle down with a man and create a great family. It is what so many people do and because I am a female, it would be normal for me to do so as well.
The more I think about it and the more I watch housewives do their thing, the more I realize that I am not cut out for that lifestyle.
I wasn't wired to let any man tell me what to do, how to live, serve him, or give him anything. When God created me, he added too much sass, drive and maybe a little narcissism. I put myself first way too often and rarely feel bad about it.
I'm not the type of person to happily take orders or clean up after anyone and I certainly wouldn't want anyone doing it for me.
I don't have anything negative to say about any women who have made it their mission to give a man a family, a home, or a happy life; It takes more patience and consideration than most jobs. I just could not see myself doing any of it. In fact, I would hate myself if I did.
I feel like I would be wasting my potential and in return, I would have to work too hard at what I don't want to do. It works for a lot, but I don't think it would for me.
I've lived my entire life watching men act superior and expecting something from the women in their lives. I grew up disgusted by the thought of being one of those women. I met every expectation, request, or favor from every uncle, cousin, and acquaintance, with an eye roll and some resentment. I hated being told what to do by guys I wasn't seriously close to. I hated feeling obligated and inferior because of my gender. I still hate all of it.
I dance to the beat of my own drum and I'm great at telling myself what to do. My logic has always been that I don't need any assistance with that. I don't owe the world-or one man living in it — anything because I am a woman. I pray I never eat these words and that if I do settle down, which I'm not against, I still have the same independence and drive I do right now.
If my mindset is the same in 30 years as it is right now, I'll be OK with that.