"Game of Thrones" Characters As Politicians

"Game of Thrones" Characters As Politicians

"Winter is coming." -- Al Gore
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It's hard not to feel a little empty, considering there's going to be no more "Game of Thrones" for nine whole months. To fill the void, I've decided to match our favorite "Game of Thrones" characters with their real life counterparts.

1. Barack Obama as Jon Snow.

A strong leader respected by many. Has had to earn respect from others. Was an underdog, but is now on top. The majority was disappointed when he left his leadership role, even though he had already given all he possibly could to the institution which he served. Doubtful whether the man (or woman) to replace him will ever be even half as loved as him.

2. Jon Stewart as Olenna Tyrell.

The cool grandparent we all wish would adopt us. Tells it like it is, and is arguably one of the smartest people around. We live for their sass. Not technically in a position of power, but still is a prominent voice in the politics of the land.

3. Joe Biden as Davos Seaworth.

Is not your typical old white dude. Currently Jon's/Barack's number one fan. The two of them together seem unstoppable. Intensely loyal, a great hype-man. A sweet precious cinnamon bun that we must protect.

4. Al Gore as Ned Stark.

Will not stop talking about climate change (Winter is Coming). Was a decent Hand of the King. Did not end up on the Iron Throne/in the Oval Office, despite people supporting the notion that he should be there. Probably would've done better than the person who ended up in with most powerful position in the land.

5. Ben Carson as Melisandre.

Is one of the smartest people in the room while simultaneously being one of the craziest. Can almost always be found saying something completely insane, like that children should be burned alive or that the pyramids were built to store grain. Has a weird speaking voice, and for some reason, a loyal group of followers.

6. Donald Trump as Euron Greyjoy.

Didn't seem like much of a threat at first, but ending up shaking up the whole order of things. Took the place of someone who should've been in charge by asserting he had big hands, and that a fleet of ships needed to be built in order to, "Make the Iron Islands great again," Is actually starting to scare me.

7. Jeb Bush as Stannis Baratheon

Should probably be on the Iron Throne of the Republican Party, but isn't because of a little arrogant blonde sack of crap. A nice guy, and potential good ruler, who ruined his chances with a couple of very big mistakes. Both live in the worst places in the land, the Stormlands and Florida, and are unable to make decent fashion choices.

8. Chris Christie as Reek.

Not Theon, but Reek. Being Theon would imply there's a chance for real redemption, and let's face it, that's never going to happen. Was once a rising star, but now has his fate in the hands of a sociopath. He's made a lot of poor choices that arguably lead to his demise. Should probably listen to the advice of the women in his family.

9. Bill Clinton as Jaime Lannister.

Is extremely problematic, and has made a lot of questionable choices. Has a really cool accent, and a great smile. Both are comeback kids. His charm seems to make us forget about everything wrong he's done.

10. Marco Rubio as Oberyn Martell.

Sometimes misguided, but makes some good points. From the southernmost part of the country, is young, attractive, can dress well (look at that tie!), and has a cute family. Ultimately was bested by a sociopath for engaging in a battle he could not win.

11. Bernie Sanders as Mance Rayder.

Both lead a revolution to help bridge the inequality the poor of the world face. Both think their people have been bested by the corrupt political and economic machines of their lands. And independent thinker, and kind of a dirty hippy. They both won in some ways, but lose in others. Will probably never kneel to anyone, even if it's for the best.

12. Justin Trudeau as Robb Stark.



Golden boy, family oriented, charismatic, and attractive. Is the Lord of the North, as his father before him once was as well. Has come down the the South before, but can never and will never rule Westeros -- no matter how much we all want him to.

13. Ted Cruz as Ramsay Bolton

Intelligent, but also crazy. Morally corrupt. Somehow ended up with having a beautiful, intelligent, wife. Hates other bastards, even though he is a bastard himself. Definitely a murderer. Basically everyone hates them. The masses feelings about them are best summed up by the words of Lindsey Graham: "If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, no one would convict you."

14. Hillary Clinton as Cersei Lannister.

Was the wife of a powerful man. Has been in the capital for ages. Is very blonde and isn't that well-liked - but gets stuff done. Her husband is known for his infidelities. Has become one of the most powerful people in Westeros, despite being in a male dominated world. Is probably one of the most likely people to stay on the Iron Throne, even though it doesn't feel quite right.

15. Vladimir Putin as Littlefinger.

Extremely shady. The more power he gets, the more people in his vicinity die because they were "poisoned by their enemies". Definitely has a network of spies. Uses both soft and hard power to assert themselves. Looks extremely weird when they smile.

16. Abraham Lincoln as Daenerys Targaryen.

Freed the slaves. Wants to change the order of things. Was ruthless when dealing with rebels or traitors. Has real vision on how to make the world a better place. Their entire journey to power has been a struggle. Has a massive amount of loyal followers, loved by many. Seems a little too good to be true. Will probably have songs written and sung about them for the next hundred or so years.

Cover Image Credit: http://nationalave.com/entertainment/nationalave/2016-presidential-candidates-as-game-of-thrones-characters/3960/

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College As Told By Junie B. Jones

A tribute to the beloved author Barbara Parks.
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The Junie B. Jones series was a big part of my childhood. They were the first chapter books I ever read. On car trips, my mother would entertain my sister and me by purchasing a new Junie B. Jones book and reading it to us. My favorite part about the books then, and still, are how funny they are. Junie B. takes things very literally, and her (mis)adventures are hilarious. A lot of children's authors tend to write for children and parents in their books to keep the attention of both parties. Barbara Park, the author of the Junie B. Jones series, did just that. This is why many things Junie B. said in Kindergarten could be applied to her experiences in college, as shown here.

When Junie B. introduces herself hundreds of times during orientation week:

“My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don't like Beatrice. I just like B and that's all." (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 1)

When she goes to her first college career fair:

"Yeah, only guess what? I never even heard of that dumb word careers before. And so I won't know what the heck we're talking about." (Junie B. Jones and her Big Fat Mouth, p. 2)

When she thinks people in class are gossiping about her:

“They whispered to each other for a real long time. Also, they kept looking at me. And they wouldn't even stop." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 66)

When someone asks her about the library:

“It's where the books are. And guess what? Books are my very favorite things in the whole world!" (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 27)

When she doesn't know what she's eating at the caf:

“I peeked inside the bread. I stared and stared for a real long time. 'Cause I didn't actually recognize the meat, that's why. Finally, I ate it anyway. It was tasty...whatever it was." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 66)

When she gets bored during class:

“I drew a sausage patty on my arm. Only that wasn't even an assignment." (Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren, p. 18)

When she considers dropping out:

“Maybe someday I will just be the Boss of Cookies instead!" (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 76)

When her friends invite her to the lake for Labor Day:

“GOOD NEWS! I CAN COME TO THE LAKE WITH YOU, I BELIEVE!" (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 17)

When her professor never enters grades on time:

“I rolled my eyes way up to the sky." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 38)

When her friends won't stop poking her on Facebook:


“Do not poke me one more time, and I mean it." (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 7)

When she finds out she got a bad test grade:

“Then my eyes got a little bit wet. I wasn't crying, though." (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 17)

When she isn't allowed to have a pet on campus but really wants one:

“FISH STICK! I NAMED HIM FISH STICK BECAUSE HE'S A FISH STICK, OF COURSE!" (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 59)

When she has to walk across campus in the dark:

“There's no such thing as monsters. There's no such thing as monsters." (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed, p. 12)

When her boyfriend breaks her heart:

“I am a bachelorette. A bachelorette is when your boyfriend named Ricardo dumps you at recess. Only I wasn't actually expecting that terrible trouble." (Junie B. Jones Is (almost) a Flower Girl, p. 1)

When she paints her first canvas:


"And painting is the funnest thing I love!" (Junie B. Jones and her Big Fat Mouth, p. 61)

When her sorority takes stacked pictures:

“The biggie kids stand in the back. And the shortie kids stand in the front. I am a shortie kid. Only that is nothing to be ashamed of." (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed, p. 7)

When she's had enough of the caf's food:

“Want to bake a lemon pie? A lemon pie would be fun, don't you think?" (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed p. 34)

When she forgets about an exam:

“Speechless is when your mouth can't speech." (Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren, p. 54)

When she finds out she has enough credits to graduate:

“A DIPLOMA! A DIPLOMA! I WILL LOVE A DIPLOMA!" (Junie B. Jones is a Graduation Girl p. 6)

When she gets home from college:

"IT'S ME! IT'S JUNIE B. JONES! I'M HOME FROM MY SCHOOL!" (Junie B. Jones and some Sneaky Peaky Spying p. 20)

Cover Image Credit: OrderOfBooks

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Abortion Bans Are Only A Small Part Of The Republican War On Women

These bans expose the Republican Party for what it truly is.

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This week, several states passed laws that ban abortion after six to eight weeks of pregnancy, before most women even know that they're pregnant. The most egregious of these is Alabama — the state has banned abortion except for in cases of danger to the mother. Exceptions in the cases of rape and incest were actively voted against by the state legislature. Under the new law, any doctor who is caught giving an abortion would be sentenced to 99 years in prison, and the woman would be charged with murder.

Apart from the fact that this explicitly violates the decision of Roe v. Wade (which is the point), this is only a small part of the slow but steady degradation of women's rights by Republicans in the United States. To anyone who believes that this is simply about people being "pro-life" or "saving the children," then tell them to look at what happens after the fetus is carried to term.

Republicans oppose forcing fathers to be involved in the lives of their children that were forcibly carried to term, desires to cut food stamps and make it more difficult to feed said child, cut funding for affordable housing to make it more difficult for them to find homes, cut spending to public education so these children can't move up the social ladder, and refuse to offer the woman or her child health insurance to keep them both healthy. What about efforts to prevent pregnancy? Republicans also oppose funding birth control and contraception, as well as opposing comprehensive sexual education. To them, the only feasible solution is to simply keep your legs shut. They oppose all of these things because it is, in their eyes, a violation of individual rights to force people to do something. The bill also makes women who get abortions felons, and felons can't vote. I'll let you finish putting those two together.

If you view it from this framework, it would seem like Republicans are being extremely hypocritical by violating the personal freedoms of pregnant women, but if you look at it from the view of restricting social mobility for women, then it makes perfect sense. The Republican dogma of "individual rights" and "personal responsibility" is a socially acceptable facade that they use to cover up their true intentions of protecting the status quo and protect those in power. About any Republican policy, ask yourself: does this disperse power or consolidate it? Whether it be education, healthcare, the environment, or the economy, Republicans love to keep power away from the average citizen and give it to the small number of people that they deem "deserving" of it because of their race, gender, wealth, or power. This is the case with abortion as well; Power is being taken from women, and being given back to men in a reversal of the Feminist Movement of the 1970s.

Republicans don't believe in systemic issues. They believe that everyone has the same opportunity to succeed regardless of what point they started. This is why they love capitalism so much. It acts as some sort of great filter in which only those who deserve power can make it to the top. It's also why they hate social policies; they think that helping people who can't help themselves changes the hierarchy in a negative way by giving people who don't "deserve" power, power. Of course, we know that just because you have money and power doesn't mean you earned it fair and square, and even if Republicans believe it, it wouldn't change anything because it wouldn't change how they want to distribute power.

In short, Republican policies, including abortion, leave the average American with less money, less protection, less education, worse health, less opportunity, fewer rights, and less freedom. This is NOT a side effect. This is the point. Regardless of what Republicans will tell you about "inalienable rights" and how everyone is equal, in reality, they believe that some people and groups are more deserving of rights than others, and the group that deserves rights the most are the ones "that will do the best with them." To Republicans, this group consists of the wealthy, the powerful, and the white — the mega-rich, the CEOs of large companies, gun owners and Christians.

So, who do Republicans think deserve power and give it to? People who look and think like them. This, however, begs the question: Who do they want to take it from?

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