I'm a hopeless romantic. I've always been. No matter how many times I've complained about men or vowed to stay single, there's always been a piece of me that's been waiting for my fairy tale love story.
And I hate it. Because I know I'm not ready for a relationship. And I love being single. And I know you're probably shaking your head assuming that I'm just another lonely girl who pretends she's okay being single when in reality she despises it. But it's not like that. I'm single by choice, and there's not a day that I've regretted it so far.
I love being independent, and not having to explain myself or compromise when I don't want to. I'm 18 years old, and I'm still figuring out who I am. I can feel myself changing every day, looking at the world differently and reconsidering the perspectives I've held on to for so long. It's liberating, and it's something that I'm glad I'm doing by myself.
But it's not always going to be this way. I want to fall in love, get married, and have children, and grandchildren, and maybe even great-grandchildren. The idea of spending the rest of my life with someone is scary, yet comforting. It's a weird sort of paradox, and yet most things in life are as such.
So to my future soulmate, whoever you may be, I'm not ready for you now, but one day I will be.
You may be someone I already know or a stranger I passed on the street one time or someone I won't see until 20 years from now. I don't know. Having been someone who thrives on having control over all aspects of my life, it's a little frightening to say. What if I don't find you? Or what if I do and it doesn't work out? What if I've already found you and I don't like you but somewhere it was destined for us to be together? I mean, I could write a whole book about the idea of soulmates and everlasting love and destiny, but today's not the day.
Because right now, I'm not ready to think about it. And I don't really want to if I'm being completely honest. I do believe that there's someone out there for me, and in some way or another, we'll find each other. It's idealistic and presumptive and completely ridiculous, but so what. 50 years from now I can yell at 18 year old me for being so naive, but for now, I'll stick to what I believe. We'll see what happens eventually.