On select Autumn nights, the Universal Orlando Resort undergoes one horrific transformation. While the family-friendly adventures of ogres, minions, and wizards flourish in the park's daytime operation, a hellish landscape awaits for those craving the blood-soaked carnage from which nightmares spawn from- the nation's premier Halloween event: Halloween Horror Nights.

As a die-hard fan of the event, it thrills me to no end to announce that Halloween Horror Nights 2017 (or HHN 27 on social media) is now upon us. Comprised of nine mazes, five scare zones, and two shows, HHN 27 falls right in line as a strong follow-up to the consistently strong lineups of the past few years.

While, admittedly, significant lows are scattered infrequently throughout this year's event, the mind-blowing highs stand out as some of the grandest set pieces Halloween Horror Nights has ever constructed in its nearly 30-year legacy.

Without further ado, let's get into the gruesome, the outrageous, and the frightening chaos of Halloween Horror Nights 27.

THE MAZES

As previously stated, some of the mazes this year rank right alongside some of the event's most classic works, while even the worst of the year's lineup offers at least one significant scare to justify walking through at least once.

In the nine mazes, guests can experience, not one of the bunch is a waste. While some do fall short of being a truly stellar experience, the visuals, atmospheres, musical scores and scares themselves found in this lineup offer at least a small sliver of the gorgeous insanity the best Horror Nights are remembered for.

9. Saw: The Games of Jigsaw

"The traps are set. All that's missing is you. The Jigsaw killer has come to torment you with his twisted take on poetic justice."

In preparation for the eighth incarnation of the "Saw" franchise, Halloween Horror Nights has returned to the grisly reign of Jigsaw's murderous wrath. Much to the chagrin of die-hard Horror Nights fans, the return of a forgotten, no longer relevant franchise meant a maze that wasn't on many people's radars. And with good reason.

Upon first reaction, the terribly named Saw: The Games of Jigsaw is very underwhelming. The "Saw" franchise began rooted in psychological thrills, escalating into grisly violence. Translating what popularized "Saw" into what popularizes Halloween Horror Nights is no easy task, and unlike another maze this year that was able to succeed in that assignment, Saw: The Games of Jigsaw, unfortunately, comes off as an *almost* total misfire.

The maze ultimately feels repetitive with many scenes dedicated to victims mid-trap. Almost every major trap from the film franchise is found here, guaranteed to delight fans of the films, but to non-fans--myself included--the maze has a "been there, done that" vibe. Especially when the two films I actually enjoy (3 and 6) aren't given much time to shine.

But the main problem holding this maze back is its lack of originality. Featured originally in Halloween Horror Nights 2009 as Saw: Game Over, the set pieces and scares found in Saw: The Games of Jigsaw have been repeated as more of what has already been seen before. In fact, so much of this house is so lifeless and unoriginal, it's only saving grace lies in the maze's final room--a scare so startling, the security guards stationed at the maze exit shared a good laugh at my expense.

I had mentioned earlier that no maze this year was a waste, citing at least one terrific scare to elevate it to something worth checking out at least once. This is the only maze this year that falls under that criteria. From here on out, we're in for a strange, frightening, hilarious, and all around fun time under the moonlight.

8. The Horrors of Blumhouse

"From the minds behind "Insidious," "Sinister," & "The Purge" comes the Horrors of Blumhouse."

It seems there is one man responsible for ushering in a new era of horror and his name is Jason Blum. Founded in 2000, Blumhouse Productions originated as a producer of micro-budget films before escalating into cultural recognition with the release of numerous box office juggernaut horror films.

While some non-horror films have sneaked through the cracks, many of today's horror films begin with the unsettling image of a little girl wandering around a haunted house, revealing the Blumhouse logo.

Halloween Horror Nights has become aware of this discernible popularity and has brought more of the Blumhouse universe into the event with its own house dedicated to some of its most famous properties.

In this collaboration house, guests are ushered into the violent chaos of "The Purge," thrown into the infernal terror of the world of "Sinister" for the first time in the event's history, and are even treated to a sneak peak of the upcoming nightmare that is "Insidious: The Last Key" due January of next year.

No matter how tolerant you are of haunted house scares, it seems to be in unanimous agreement that The Horrors of Blumhouse is pure chaos. Strobe lights are frequent and blinding. The maze's pathway is tight and claustrophobic. The scares are deafening and unexpected.

Of all of the mazes this year, The Horrors of Blumhouse is far and away the most disorienting. So disorienting in fact, some might walk away from this year claiming this to be the scariest maze of the event.

While it does lack a lot in discernible story or substance--half of this maze is dedicated to an "Insidious" sequel that won't be released for another few months--The Horrors of Blumhouse makes up for this in its unending scares. More than any other maze this event, The Horrors of Blumhouse is the one that many will be taken by surprise by.

With the other mazes relying on more subtle cues for scares, The Horrors of Blumhouse is ostentatious and overt. Unfortunately, it's this chaotic approach that lands this maze so far down on the list, behind all of the other mazes featuring more subtle, mature, and creative scares. Regardless, this is the maze you're girlfriend is going to bury herself into you while walking through.

7. Ash Vs. Evil Dead

"You'll howl with terror and laughter as you witness Ash battle demons and deadites armed with his fueled chainsaw."

In a genre ripe with classic characters, no figure has inherited the deranged following quite like Ashley Williams. Brought to life by the twisted minds of director Sam Raimi and actor Bruce Campbell, Ash soared into popularity in the underground cult world from his grisly, hilarious, and flat-out groovy adventures found in the original "The Evil Dead" trilogy. Irresponsible, selfish, and powered by rage against the deadite demon army, Ash and his iconic chainsaw have vowed to cover every square inch of the planet in the blood of the evil dead.

When "The Evil Dead" franchise was picked up by Starz in an updated reboot of the story, the amazing "Ash Vs. Evil Dead" picks up a couple decades after we last saw Ash saving the S-Mart Super Store from a murderous deadite. With new friends Pablo and Kelly alongside him, Ash must continue his quest to rid the world of evil with all of the blood, one-liners, and chainsaw fuel you'd expect.

It's hard to translate what makes the world of "The Evil Dead" so endearing inside the hallways of a maze. The over-the-top gore and hilarious moments have been butchered in their comedic timing to allow for more recognizable scenes rather than the laughs they deserve. The infamous morgue scene from season 2 has been confined to barely one room with an immobile Ash just kinda standing there mouthing along to the audio.

But the singular problem with this maze is that it solely relies on timing. The first time I had walked through it, I was extremely underwhelmed with how few actors, scares, and scenes there were to see.

Some of the show's biggest highlights were virtually nonexistent, while main villains like Ruby's demon children only appeared for a fleeting moment or two. Having walked through it again, it's abundantly clear that I had previously been in a terrible spot in line as many of the show's most iconic moments do get their moment to shine.

The puppet, the morgue, the old neighbor, "Ashy Slashy," Kelly's attack in the woods, the Kandarian demon, and even the demolition derby are all found in these hallways. It's just a matter of being lucky to see them all. Unlike other mazes where repeat walkthroughs add to your appreciate for depth or scope, Ash Vs. Evil Dead needs repeat walkthroughs for no other reason than to see all of the scares the maze features.

Ash Vs. Evil Dead does nail the overall spirit of the show--it isn't frightening, but it sure is a fun time. The classic rock soundtrack featuring Journey, AC/DC, and Metalica accompanying Ash's terribly perfect one-liners is even more fun to experience live in person rather than the safety of a living room couch.

Judging from a friend who has never seen a single frame of the show, this maze is fairly confusing and doesn't make a ton of sense. Best to familiarize yourself with at least a few episodes before walking in. Even if you find yourself disinterested in the house, the show is a fun time that deserves at least one viewing.

6. Scarecrow: The Reaping

"At a long-abandoned Depression-era farm, vengeance takes root, and the only harvest that will be reaped is you."

While clowns, monsters, and demons have reigned supreme as the frightening boogymen that go bump in the night, HHN 27 is begging the world to remember to fear an underrated terror in your subconscious--the scarecrow. While maybe not an immediate answer to frightening creatures, their irregular body proportions combined with an isolated terrain instantly allows for the unsettling image a scarecrow can create, and HHN 27 knows this.

Taking place entirely inside and outside of an abandoned farm, the scarecrows found in this house are incredibly creative and very versatile in design. They are comprised only of the materials one would find in the time and place Scarecrow: The Reaping is set in. Tools, barbed wire, animal fur, human bone and absolutely coated in dry dust, these scarecrows are huge, emaciated and outnumber you in what seems like dozens to one.

The scares here are very, very frequent and very, very loud. More so than any other maze this year, Scarecrow: The Reaping is guaranteed to keep guests on their toes, wondering just where it's going to go next.

While The Horrors of Blumhouse used claustrophobia for scares, Scarecrow: The Reaping takes advantage of old-fashioned cleverness to elicit the most terror possible. The scarecrows grow more frightening in appearance as the maze goes on, while the scares themselves seem to escalate in volume and frequency. It really gets better the longer you're in there.

It pains me to put this maze so low on the list as it really is a great maze filled with gorgeous imagery and some of the biggest scares of the event, but with such a strong lineup to compete with, personal preference really is the only deciding factor here. Scarecrow: The Reaping is a solid house that many will find to be their own personal favorite. For me? We've still got five more to talk about.

5. Hive

"The crumbling house on 19 Hemingway Lane harbors a nest of bloodthirsty vampires. If you awaken them, you will face a savage, bestial hunger."

Die-hard Halloween Horror Nights fans know of Carey, Ohio. Carey, Ohio is a recurring city integral to the backstories of Horror Night icons such as Jack the Clown, The Caretaker and Chance. This year, Carey makes its appearance in Hive as ground zero for a carnivorous vampire assault. And what an assault it is.

Hive is shrouded in a fitting darkness with mystery plaguing every corner. Inspired by the current resurrection of the 80's, a synthetic 80's soundtrack pumps through the maze while some vampires are shown in a bright neon color scheme that only the 80's has defined. But make no mistake, while playful in its music and colors, Hive is one darkmaze to walk through both in lighting and in content.

A crib with two tiny skeletons swaddled in a blood-soaked blanket is the main focus of a nursery that has seen better days, while a poor victim is later hung by his feet while a morbidly obese vampire tears through his flesh. Hive is an unsettling experience intentionally designed to resurrect the true nightmare vampirism was founded on.

It especially doesn't hurt to have many different kinds of vampires with different sizes and shapes. These vampires are versatile in design and creatively hidden. With a name like "Hive," this maze has enough soul put into it to aptly live up to its name.

4. The Shining

"The visually intense psychological thriller is now the most terrifying haunted experience imaginable."

I had previously mentioned Saw: The Games of Jigsaw as one of two mazes this event dedicated to translating psychological horror into overt, obvious scares for a haunted house. The Shining is that second maze, and fortunately, the one that actually succeeded.

Adapted from Stanley Kubrick's adaptation of Stephen King's "The Shining," The Shining is a maze with a lot going on. Dedicated to Jack's descent into madness, the majority of the scares here are found in many of the film's most iconic scenes--the Grady twins, the Golden Room, the hedge maze etc. But what defines The Shining as an incredible maze experience is how effortlessly creates that sense of paranoia and madness as the film.

The Shining relies on many visual techniques and film score to recapture that deranged insanity from the film in really refreshing ways. Rather than simply creating pathways with a scare sprinkled in, the path itself is non-linear, sprouting out into different directions and interesting design choices. Those that have an intense fear of being unaware of what's happening will surely get spooked by this one.

3. The Fallen

"You're about to be caught in the crossfire of the eternal war of light versus dark. No one is safe."

Set in a war-torn landscape, The Fallen tells the story of the ancient battle between good and evil. Relying on both folklore and religious undertones, The Fallen are flying, jumping, and crawling up from the kingdom of darkness with the sole purpose to destroy all who cross their path of destruction.

This house is a mix between beauty and decay; inspiration and degradation; high screech and deep roar. The light versus dark aesthetic lens itself nicely to this environment as awe-inspiring visuals clash with the perilous darks right from the opening facade. The Fallen looks enchanting from afar, with the terror hiding in the shadows.

But it isn't just in the visuals does The Fallen succeed at playing on expectations- the scares themselves are extraordinarily creative, even relying on actors flying above and beside you to fully envelop guests in this raging battle. It's all enough for a few audible "wows" with a solid mixture of wonder. For as terrifying as these otherworldly demons are, they sure do encompass a pure level of elegance Horror Nights simply isn't known for.

What the general public sees in Scarecrow: The Reaping is what I see in The Fallen. A hauntingly epic set combined with amazing scares to tell a clear and concise story. The visuals are spectacular and the aerial stunts are quite a sight to see. There is so much to look at and take in that The Fallen really justifies waiting through lines for numerous walkthroughs. It's impossible to appreciate everything in one journey and for that, The Fallen deserves extremely high praise.

2. American Horror Story Volume 2

"Experience three horrifying stories in one disturbing house as a deranged cast of characters seek not only your life, but your soul."

In the sequel to the smash hit sensation from last year, "American Horror Story" is back in another massive maze dedicated to the show's previously unseen seasons "Asylum," "Coven" and "Roanoke."

American Horror Story Volume 2 is just as perfect as last year's maze. In fact, I personally believe it's even stronger this year. The attention to detail is so remarkable, at times the maze feels like a real tour of the actual sets used. An elongated walkthrough of the rec area in "Asylum" is a real highlight, while the backwood area found in "Roanoke" is beautifully disorienting. A real effort was put into place to capture all of the sights (and smells) any fans of these seasons would recognize.

But ignoring just how immaculate the design is, the scares here are among some of the most creative of the event. Mirror tricks, forced perspective, projection mapping and good old-fashioned "boo doors" are scattered throughout American Horror Story: Volume 2, guaranteeing at least a few startles for even the most veteran of haunted house experts.

American Horror Story Volume 2 is a solid follow-up to a solid original. Fans will be delighted to see their favorite scenes and characters represented in all of their glory, while those unfamiliar can gawk at the impressive presentation. American Horror Story Volume 2 is an incredibly strong maze and the only reason it was at a number two rank was because the number one spot just happened to be one of the greatest mazes ever constructed in Halloween Horror Nights history...

1. Dead Waters

"Enter a pestilent swamp that oozes evil, the hellish realm of the Voodoo Queen. If you fail to escape, you're in for a gut-wrenching sacrifice."

Adapted from its scare zone Bayou of Blood from HHN 24, Dead Waters tells the story of the powerful Voodoo Queen and her army of zombified victims terrorizing a small town and honestly...I just don't know what else to write here.

Every word you've read so far and every word you will read after has already been written with my thoughts on Dead Waters saved solely for last. I didn't plan it that way, I just sincerely am at a loss for words.

As I stood in line for this house, I was in blissful ignorance that I was about to step foot in what is now my favorite maze Halloween Horror Nights has ever constructed. In the eight consecutive years I've attended this event, no maze has put me in such a tranquil state of awe than this one.

I've talked about the gorgeous imagery, creative scares and spectacular technicality behind most mazes this year, but none can hold a candle to Dead Waters. Every bit of praise I've exalted for a maze this year must be quadrupled to even adequately describe my thoughts here.

The sunken riverboat masking as the maze's facade alone is worth justifying admission price. It is shockingly evident that Dead Waters is the maze the Universal Creative team put all its energy and passion into delivering as my four walkthroughs of this maze still have me spotting things I haven't noticed before.

Halloween Horror Nights continues to grow in popularity year after year. With that escalation in popularity, a creative team is forced to grow in confidence in delivering a truly breathtaking culmination of frightening scares as well as eye-popping theatrics.

Dead Waters is the amalgamation of passion, confidence, intelligence, and sincere talent. This is a flawless maze and one I will surely be found in line many times as the event progresses. I simply cannot get enough of it.

THE SCARE ZONES

Universal Orlando's Halloween Horror Nights 2017 is an overall strong year, however, there is one monumental flaw found in an otherwise solid operation. As much as it hurts to acknowledge, the scare zones found this year are among the most underwhelming in the event's history rivaling only that of Horror Nights 22's embarrassing decision to include roaming scare zones rather than stationary, reliable ones we've come to expect. It's clear every ounce of energy, passion, and creativity went into construction and execution of the mazes this year, with scare zones almost serving as an afterthought.

But even with that disclaimer, there are still various details here and there that deserve praise. So without further ado, ranked accordingly are the scare zones of Halloween Horror Nights 2017.

5. Festival of the Deadliest

"The dead are throwing a hell of a Hollywood party and you’re invited. Your spirit will fuel the frenzy of this ghoulish gathering."

Perhaps difficult to ascertain for the average guest, HHN 27 *does* indeed have a theme for this year's event. While denying the fans the luxury of centering the event around a certain icon like so many Horror Nights' of the past, this year the event itself serves as a semi-meta parody in which the event itself is the theme. With Halloween Horror Nights celebrating all things vile and gruesome, HHN 27 decided to take that celebration and channel it into a festival--a Festival of the Deadliest.

Found within the park's Hollywood area, the Festival of the Deadliest is an underground, adult Halloween party crawling with intimidating stilt walkers, beautiful but dangerous exotic dancers and the general blood-thirsty merriment that only Halloween Horror Nights can deliver...at least in theory.

Unfortunately, Festival of the Deadliest has two major problems against it immediately--its concept is difficult to decipher unless you know the backstory. It's also a victim of circumstance. Hurricane Irma's presence is easy to spot in this zone as many props and sets had to be taken down in preparation. Due to the inconvenient timing, the Universal creative team had little to no time to set everything back in place before opening weekend, leaving guests with a large area appearing barren and forgotten.

Festival of the Deadliest isn't much of the party as advertised but more of an obstacle guests must walk through to get to where they actually want to go. It's not the zone's fault, but the terrible marketing as well as out-of-control variables that make this zone such a failure. I'm sure that as the event goes on, this will be the zone that improves the most, but it has a long journey ahead of it. At the time of writing this, this is one party you're not missing much by skipping.

4. Atlas of Horror

"Enter the nexus of evil, where all the most fearsome characters and nefarious creatures from each of the Halloween Horror Nights haunted houses lie in wait."

Found directly in front of the park entrance, Atlas of Horror is among one of the first sights guests encounter of Halloween Horror Nights 2017. Serving as a tease for the entire event, Atlas of Horror is less of a scare zone and more of a selfie spot where guests can meet the characters they'll encounter in the mazes later in the night.

While a neat idea on paper, Atlas of Horror, unfortunately, appears more derivative than the exciting sneak peak it wants to be. Seeing many characters walking around, stopping for pictures unintentionally spoils the weight of seeing these iconic characters hiding in the shadows of the houses guests will experience later. Watching the Grady twins from "The Shining" walking around is fun...until you realize it undercuts the trauma of their own terrific scare waiting for you inside their maze.

But ignoring this singular idea, the zone itself is very uneventful and frankly boring. With only one small tattered banner drooping from one building to another, the remainder of the zone features signs under which the scare actors stand on display like a middle school science fair.

In the ultimate battle between creativity and commercialism, Atlas of Horror marks a victory for the commercialism as showcasing the figures from intellectual properties on display in a very non-creative way might bring a bit of cynical disinterest in the die-hard Horror Night fans that have noticed the shift in content over the years.

Speaking of non-creative...

3. The Purge

"'The Purge' has returned to Halloween Horror Nights and overrun New York. No one is safe. Be a part of a proud American tradition. United we purge. "

With the world of "The Walking Dead" finally removed from Universal Orlando's Halloween Horror Nights, it seems as if "The Purge" has become the property that will surely take its place. Virtually identical from the same Purge scare zone a couple of years ago, there isn't much of anything here to elicit any kind of a reaction from anyone who has endured even the briefest of moments walking through Horror Nights' take on this franchise.

Sure, the "I want my candy bar" girl from "The Purge: Election Year" has been added to the collection of characters, but an addition like that simply isn't enough to justify the return of this stale property for yet another year.

The auction scene on top of the school bus has returned. The Purge siren echoes through the streets again. Even the scenes in the windows up above feature the same exact footage as years prior. And did I mention that it's located in the exact same New York area the zone appeared before?

The fact that The Purge is ranked third on this list should prove how massively underwhelming the scare zones are this year. While there is lots to look at in here, it's all of what guests have already seen before.

If given the chance to experience something new but dull or something exciting but done before, I guess it's obvious to choose the later. Not only is that the reason it's ranked at number three, it's probably the reasoning behind Universal Creative's decision to bring back this world yet again in the first place.

2. Invasion!

"The year is 1955, and a UFO has crashed onto the wharf. Their goal: to conduct experiments upon you to prepare to invade Earth."

A simple premise for a simple zone: aliens have invaded the San Fransisco wharf and they're terrorizing civilians. Invasion! is such a simple zone, in fact, there is very little to comment on. The costumes are fun and the sets are pretty, but it's just when you start to get sucked in do you realize the zone is over.

The San Fransisco wharf is so small that housing a scare zone has always been frustrating. When given such a fun concept executed with a visually pleasing environment, to see it confined to such a small place while The Purge takes over such a massive spot is barely short of unforgivable.

Invasion! really is the first zone on this list that reveals the awe-inspiring genius behind the Universal creative team, but its lack of size and scope serves as its one and only downfall. If you happen to walk through with a good cast, this zone has some high energy, hearty laughs, and some truly memorable moments. It's such a shame it wasn't given the space it deserved.

Fortunately, there is one last scare zone of the list that rises over all as a significant stand-out that must be experienced...

1. Trick 'r Treat

"Break the rules. Pay the price. That's the murderous moral of the five twisted stories in "Trick 'r Treat," a darkly hilarious tribute to Halloween."

The perfect Halloween movie has now been transformed into the perfect Horror Nights scare zone.

With every one of Horror Nights 2017's scare zones suffering from a noticeably substantial lack of size, scope or general creativity, Trick 'r Treat triumphantly breaks through the mold to deliver not just the one standout zone of the year's event, but one of the most glorious street experiences I've seen in the 8 consecutive years I've attended this event.

Nestled snugly in the resort's Central Park area, the wickedly, whimsical world of "Trick 'r Treat" beckons to guests with warm colors and lavish sets. But just like the film it's based on, first impressions aren't all as they seem as dark secrets lie in the midst of the alluring atmosphere this scare zone projects.

Any fan of writer/director Michael Dougherty's underrated masterpiece will delightedly thrill at the chance to walk down the perfectly recreated neighborhood street from the film while coming face-to-face with all of the characters a fan could dream of.

From the victims of the school bus massacre to even the murderous school principal accompanied by his young casualty, no stone has been left unturned to perfectly recreate the sights, sounds, and feel of the movie.

But even those unfamiliar with "Trick 'r Treat" will unanimously agree that while perhaps lost on its many references, anyone can and will enjoy just how mesmerizing it all is. With the remaining streets of the park being dimly lit, small or somewhat empty, the lights and sounds from Trick 'r Treat can be seen and heard from far distances, promising an experience the rest of the scare zones simply cannot deliver. Unlike Festival of the Deadliest, a real party is happening here and everybody is invited.

THE SHOWS

2. Bill & Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure

"After 26 years of Excellent Halloween Adventures, Bill and Ted are bringing their Farewell Tour to Halloween Horror Nights."

To the most excellent of Halloween Horror Nights fans, "Bill & Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure" has become synonymous with Horror Nights iconography--a tradition as old and timeless as the mazes themselves.

Taking on the roles of skewers of pop culture, a typical Bill and Ted Halloween adventure consists of self-proclaimed "outrageous" attacks on political figures, "offensive" assaults on celebrities and "sexy" scantily clad men and women dancing to the year's biggest hits.

While the two films these most triumphant dudes belong to have always been favorites of mine, their Horror Nights adventures have consistently been most heinous. "Bill & Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure" never elevates to an even somewhat average gag, rather than blatantly stating whatever the reference is that they themselves are making.

"Hey, Ted! Look! It's Iron Man"

"Hey, Bill! Look! It's Donald Trump!"

"Hey, everybody! Look! Shia LaBeouf is about to say ' just do it!' You know! That thing he's famous for right now?! LOL! Do you get the joke?!"

And this year is no different.

Listen, I understand that "Bill & Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure" has a massive fandom, as evident by the passionate outrage this is its final year, but this is a fandom I do not belong to even in the slightest. Rather than having a set-up and a punchline, the "jokes" in "Bill & Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure" are nothing but random, unrelated references to famous things with an occasional sexual reference thrown in to be edgy.

Self-proclaimed comedic genius that isn't clever, witty, or funny in the slightest is the quickest way to enrage me. If you think Moana saying "I like water because It makes me wet." is the gut-busting, multi-layered level of humor that the world of comedy has been lacking, then boy is this the show for you.

Jack Sparrow stumbles onto the stage saying that he's lost and can't find his way to Kissimmee...and that's the joke. (Because Kissimmee is near Walt Disney World. Get it?)

Two black actors impersonating the real Bill and Ted are under mind control by a teacup and spoon ala "Get Out" before the actress playing Allison Williams unironically states "you two need to...get out." (Just in case you didn't know what this out-of-place, clearly obvious reference was. Are you laughing yet?)

The only vaguely amusing gag in the entire show appears when Ed Sheeran takes the stage in full Lannister soldier outfit, referencing the infamous cameo the real Ed Sheeran made in this season of "Game of Thrones." It's an almost subtle visual gag that isn't brought much attention to...until a woman dressed as fellow "Thrones" character Daenerys Targaryen appears and...just stands next to him for no other reason than to explicitly explain to the audience the only sort of subtle moment of humor the entire 40 minute show had to offer.

But what elevates this consistently unwatchable garbage into something I'd confidently declare as merely "atrocious garbage" this year is the show's satisfying sense of finality. With "Bill & Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure" finally approaching its overdue extinction, the final act does provide a bit of closure to the fans responsible for letting this act of terrorism continue on for as long as it did.

And as someone that vehemently loathes every aspect of this godforsaken tragedy, watching Bill and Ted thank the audience for sharing in on their adventures over the years while a montage of their "finest" moments played on the screens above, it really is difficult to be at least a little humbled to be a part of something that meant so much to so many.

You will be missed, "Bill & Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure." Not by me. But by the toothless woman in the Tweety Bird T-shirt a few rows ahead that laughed when the Power Rangers combined to form a Human Centipede.

1. Academy of Villians: Afterlife

"Witness the intense and shocking dance performance of this world-class group of artists as you discover what happens after we leave this life. "

When last year's event introduced the Academy of Villains dance troupe for the first time, many audiences--including myself--were skeptical. After the spectacularly failed attempt to bring the dance scene to Horror Nights with the likes of "Death Drums," another dance show seemed like the last thing audiences wanted.

In another casualty in Hurricane Irma's devastating wake, Academy of Villains: Afterlife had to be condensed to a quick ten-minute show on a temporary replacement stage while the real stage is under renovation. So, unfortunately, at the time of writing this, the full Academy of Villains: Afterlife has still yet to be unveiled to the public.

But we here at Odyssey are a tenacious people that would rather die than let Irma get the last laugh. So in the pursuit of journalistic integrity, this review will be dedicated to the abridged show.

With only a quarter of the runtime that "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" has, Academy of Villains somehow manage to create more energy, more laughs, more thrills, and more happiness than anything found in that stupid other show.

Unlike last year's show (and probably this year's, too) Academy of Villains relies a ton on audience participation and high-energy fun. Beginning with an explosive fireball and ending with AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" this show is packed with loud music, outrageous choreography and an unpredictable sense of playfulness that makes Academy of Villains such a treat to watch.

It was around the time when one of the cast members jumped off the stage to climb a nearby tree for no other reason than because he thought it'd be fun to do in that moment, I realized how much I love this troupe and how wonderful it would be to see this become a Horror Nights tradition.

Every single time Academy of Villains takes to the stage, you can literally feel that excitement in the air. These performers love what they do and it's clear the crowds reciprocate that love. If the real show is even half the excitement of this ten minute performance, ladies and gentlemen, we have a simply unmissable piece of entertainment that must be seen to be believed. For the second year in a row.

Universal Orlando's Halloween Horror Nights 2017 is now open on select nights from September 15th through November 4th.