Hi, my name's Lexie. I'll be 19 in 83 days. I love pop punk music and my boyfriend. I am going to be a teacher, regardless of who or what tries to stop me. I have anxiety problems, and three dogs. I count everything and I pick my nails off when I get nervous.

The following is a confession, full of the things I've always been too afraid to admit:

Making phone calls are my own personal hell, I shake like a leaf when I have to ask for help, not knowing how to do something isn't an option, I've never had a boyfriend who's parents liked me because nuclear family settings make me feel awkward and inadequate. But I hate saying that last part out loud because it makes my mom feel bad, I never mean to do that but I do it quite often.

I'm always afraid of not being enough which in turn causes me to be too much, I've never (consistently) had a friend for over a year and a half. I'm afraid of conventionally attractive people being nice to me because I think they're just doing it to make fun of me. I didn't speak up when I saw him hit her and it eats me alive every single day. I don't like cats or most dogs, I'm a fish person. I love sunsets and coffee and bands people have never heard of.

Superhero movies interest me, and I only initially took interest to get a boy's attention. My boyfriend is a Marvel person and my heart is DC. I get migraines but ignore them. I shake when I give presentations or speak in public, but I do it because it makes me feel stronger after. I never went to the gym before this semester because people scare me and this girl made fun of me once, so I haven't been back in a minute.

I used to cut myself, but I can't tell you why. Scars still etched on my skin, I hate myself more for it now. I hate my hair and my cheeks. I'm afraid to get the tattoos I want for the fear it will turn people away from me being an educator. I love my sister more than anything in this life and she is already seven times the person I will ever be.

I was afraid of dogs before I got my German Shepard, I talk when I get nervous (and I'm always nervous), I love to tell stories and seeing a little kid laugh is my favorite thing in the world. I love musicals and I know I can't sing, but I always do. I have so many dreams and plans and I wish I was brave enough to accomplish them.

I thought I was so smart until I got to college, I still make decent grades but I feel like I'm less now because I don't get the kind of academic awards I did before. I really want to quit school sometimes, but I know if I do I don't have anything to fall back on and I can't let my family down like that. I just want to make them proud of me more than anything.

One of my best friends, when telling me about his Journey with God, said the best thing you can do is lay it all out. Admit what you are and what you aren't. Confess your failures and sing your own praises. So here's me, laying it all out. What I am, what I am not, what I used to be and what I want to be. I'm not afraid of falling anymore, I'll just make sure to take in the sights and stand back up whenever I hit the ground.

"We fall so we can learn to stand back up."