From Your Anastasia

From Your Anastasia

For my grampy, and for anyone who has ever lost the fixture that held their light like a candle in the darkness.

The average human heart beats about 115,200 times per day.

You can't answer me, but did you know that?

But then you weren't just average. Maybe that's what happened.

Maybe your heart got too tired of beating not only for you, but also for everyone else you kept alive simply by being who you were.

It's almost been seven years now, and instead of serenading my sadness with a cliche about how it still feels like it was yesterday

I'll instead sit on my knees like I hadn't done in years

Until appealing to a higher power was all I could do; asking someone to take care of me while I learned that I was strong enough to do it myself

And whisper that every time I see a cardinal outside, I take it to be you coming to visit me to remind me that you've never really left my side

It's a bright splash of red against the ubiquitous grey that comes with the monotony of regret. A little flare of hope in my chest.

My math skills are poor, but you haven't seen me for roughly a third of my life.

I got contacts, but I didn't grow any taller.

Technically I'm old enough to buy my own lottery tickets now, but it's not really the same as the happiness on your face when you handed them out to your eagerly clamoring grandchildren.

I still remember when you told me I looked so grown up in this fuzzy purple sweater I wore even though it itched, and you called me Emily Anastasia

I go by Emma now, and when people see my face and hear me talk, they guess I'm older than I really am

It's probably because I've looked death in the eyes and told him I wouldn't dance with him; not today.

I prefer to imagine that instead of being swept up by a dark cloak and bony fingers

An angel came to greet you, took you gently by the hand, and brought you up to where you always belonged.

Because even when I was too young to really contemplate the idea of waking up with the stars glittering inches from your peaceable face

Rather than shining up in the sky a seeming amount of miles away that could only be quantified with a made up number

I sensed that you were not made or meant for this earth.

Seven years ago you left it, but the memory of that day is etched into my heart like the lines of a record.

Except unlike a record, there is no music. No sound. Just a phone. This is how it went.

I hold the phone loosely in my hands. It's cold.

I'd like to tell you this, or anything, really, but I can't.

Because I'm simultaneously too early and too late; too early to realize the gravity of losing you and too late to say that one last goodbye.

The phone yells silently at me, but I can't hear it.

I'm deadened to the nonexistent noise by a cacophony of should've would've could'ves, of questions without answers, and ends without beginnings.

I would take all this numbness and multiply it a thousand times over

I would take all this pain and experience it a million times again

I would take this ridiculous juxtaposition of feeling nothing and feeling everything forever if it just meant you weren't gone.

Because now there will be no more paintbrushes dipped in bright robin's egg blue to pick up, no wedding rings lost amidst years and years of boxes and memories to find, and no hearing your voice say my name. Which is still Emily Anastasia, no matter what I say.

There will be no learning how to write letters on your archaic black typewriter, no sipping chocolate milk and watching it wend its way up the twisty turns of a silly straw, and no laughing as we pretend to shake like the quivering mass of cranberry sauce you loved to make every Thanksgiving. Which is definitely a disgusting invention, but we did it anyways.

There will be no helping you cook seemingly endless amounts of bacon for my cousins and I after we'd spent the night, no replying that of course I trusted you as you drive me to the last family brunch you got to spend with us, and no holding your warm, weathered hand in mine as you sleep peacefully in the armchair next to me. Which made me so aware of how little my hands were, and how many stories there were in the creases of your skin.

None of that anymore.

Now there is just a purple sweater that doesn't fit, photographs of you from when you were younger and life hadn't painted your hair white yet, and the tattoo I got for you.

Now there is just the emptiness of the phone, the stillness of your heart, and sometimes, if I'm very lucky, the faint echo of the last time I made you laugh.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

Popular Right Now

A Must Have Pool Side Convo

Diving Into the Greatest Artist of Our Generation — Frank Ocean

Until the day of Blonde’s, it seemed as if Frank Ocean didn’t actually exist. As days became weeks and turned into long-awaited years, the anticipation for his album was over.

For the last part of 2016, everyone was drowned in the beauty of Frank Ocean’s 60 minutes released of Blonde. A product of a man who took his time to release an album jam-packed with nothing but his raw emotion and passionate yet musical talent for the art of music. A boundary-pushing music album where he left no room for error and combined his natural vocals with sophisticated lyrical contemplations.

The creation of Blonde is an album that still sounds brand new a full 365 days after its release, a rare accomplished which Frank Ocean was able to effortlessly achieved. Through his ideas, events, references to other music, and personal stories, the album captures and reveals parts of Frank Ocean’s life and his extraordinary process of songwriting.

There is a cinematic quality to that draws you in. The lyric storytelling and atmosphere it paints it nothing ever heard of before. Even without the usage of a visual aid, the album itself still is able to create its own vivid imagery. The images of childhood, lost summers, and cars.

While cars have been represented by men as status, wealthy, and especially masculinity, Frank Ocean instead uses them to articulate a sense of vulnerability and intimacy. His usage of cars is a framing device used to dive into moments of where you are driving alone. The album becomes private, self-reflecting, and personal.

As the world thinks of Frank Ocean as an enigmatic figure, almost hidden from the world because his lack of social media presence in our fame-obsessed culture, this is what defines his works from most other artists. His personal depth and restraint take you on a journey through his mind keeping you as close as to the passenger seat where you ride into his heartfelt album.

Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Bring The Classical Touch In Bedroom With Platform Bed

Classical Touch In Bedroom

Do you need a peaceful sleep? Are you thinking of an eye catching bedroom design? Are those important issues to you? Do you prefer to be free of backpain? If yes, this piece of the article certainly is an ultimate solution for you. After the hard working through whole the day, undoubtedly you prefer an undisturbed sleep, isn’t it? In this fact, certainly, you should have an amazing bed which can provide you great ease. So, there is no alternative of a having the platform bed for calm and peaceful sleep after losing huge energy at your workplace.

Not only that, people who have back pain always want a comfortable bed. So the platform bed is a great thing from that point of view. A perfect bed needs to be firm enough for supporting the human physic in the alignment. But it should not be too firm for applying pressure to the hips, shoulders and other body area. So, platform bed and its mattress will be the best solution to get relief from back pain.

Selection of a right bed depends on the comfort level. Here, the Platform Bed can be the sweetest solution for you. This bed imbibes your body weight. Moreover, it holds back pressure equally and saves you from back pain. Just take up the mattress and put away on the platform.

 Reasons For Picking Off A Platform Bed 

 Are you looking for huge space? Platform bed includes a huge space under it. You will be able to store anything you want. It is great to use as it has a huge storage with built-in drawers. This amazing creation shows a simple but elegant outlook as well as a tiny foot-mark including or excluding an upright panel form. If you need a smaller bedroom, this bed is definitely an ideal stuff. 

Do You Prefer A Classical Bedroom?

Many people consider the bedroom as the most important room as they have to spend a huge time there. In this room, you have to sleep the whole night. If you use a platform bed to feel comfortable and to bring classy outlook in the bedroom. There are many advantages of it which may attract your consideration are given the below:

• Peaceful Sleep That You Need

Are you dissatisfied with disturbed sleeping at night? The reason behind this problem is your box spring, which has no more valid. In this case, a platform bed can provide you enough support while sleeping or having some rest.

• Without the Boxspring 

You can apart from the box spring from the platform bed for sure. This bed provides a strong base for your mattress. 

• Smooth And Elegant Design

Platform bed holds an elegant and stylish design which has established its importance in modern architecture. It has become the pioneer in the modern design trend for its unique styles and finishing. So, certainly, it can be your ultimate choice for making your bedroom gorgeous and fashionable.

• Fewer Parts

A mattress, box spring and frames are must requirements for a common bed which are much expensive. But, a platform bed needs only a frame and a mattress, that’s it. Isn’t it a money saving stuff? Besides that, you can easily set up all the parts and components in it. 

Need A Perfect Lifestyle?


Just pick up your mattress and place it on the platform. It is the initial usefulness of a platform bed. The platform bed is a leading furniture class across the world still now. There are many styles of platform bed will make you impressed.

Modern platform beds are being used with a few styles. It is specialized in simple and unique design, straight and strong. Its simplistic form of design has been remarked as the milestone of modern design. 

Another style is mission style which is just normal horizontal. It also includes upright lines and plane dashboard. This category of the platform bed is remarkable for their capacity, good looks and certainly for durability.

Eco - friendly platform beds are another special model is much stronger. Natural woods have been used here to make Eco - friendly platform bed instead of manufactured woods. The convenient fact is, these are so fragile. This type platform bed frame doesn’t hold injurious VOC's. Not only that, it also doesn’t contain any kind of adhesives at all. 

More Features:

• Lasts for a long time.

• It has an attractive and modern outlook. 

• You can have a calm, quiet and warm sleep. 

• It is more durable than the others. 

• Built-in storage.

• Many designs with several heights.

• Convenient to place anywhere.

• You will get better airflow. 

Make Your Life Cheerful

For sure, you will love your life after having a platform bed. The whole house and bedroom will seem like a heaven to you. There are some facts related to your comfort you are looking for is all about platform bed. 

If there comes the fact of comfort, the temperature is a major issue here. If you want to sleep warmly, you need to go to the platform bed frame. Some of the platform bed frames have slats which enable a mattress to breathe with ease. If you set the mattress on a plain ground, it will not work properly. 

Memory foam performs better on a platform bed frame. The point is, memory foam can breathe enough and keep a person cool. Some platform beds allow more air flow than the normal flow beneath them. You will not get these facilities from a box spring. 


Some questions may come certainly to your mind. You will find your answers here. If the answers suit for you, make a decision to have a platform bed.

• Are the platform beds good enough?

Yes of course they are, don’t think twice. Slat supplies enough airflow and reduces the possibility of mold. 

• What types of mattresses are suitable for platform beds?

There are 6 types of mattresses suitable for platform beds are memory foam, innerspring, futon-style mattresses, hard side waterbeds, latex and soft side waterbeds.

• Does a regular mattress suits on the platform bed?

All kinds of mattress will work on the platform bed. If you already have made the decision to have a platform bed, don’t worry about the type of mattress.

• Does a platform bed require the box spring?

If you want to place a mattress directly on the platform bed, just do it without setting the box spring.

• Which mattress will be suitable?

Memory foam mattress will be perfect and right to use the platform bed. You will be more comfortable with this stuff. The most popular mattress is memory foam. Memory foam mattresses are obviously much impressible to heat. The memory foam will begin to melt and pursue the outline of the body after absorbing some of the body's heat.It will bemuch suitable for your body.

• Are all the platform beds made of wood? Any use of chemicals?

It surely differs from a platform bed with another one. Most of the beds are made of solid wood. But, some of them are made of veneer wood. The futon frames are free of chemicals.

To sum up, if you feel satisfied and happy with all the criteria from the platform bed, it’s right moment to start a new, healthy, classical and comfortable with the platform bed. This is all about your warm and peaceful sleep. So, don’t compromise here. Just set your mind and decision to bring a platform bed for your heavenly bedroom.

Related Content

Facebook Comments