A Message From The Girl Who Got In Over Her Head
Health and Wellness

A Message From The Girl Who Got In Over Her Head

It's about to get personal guys...

18
Alena Mayer

It started out harmless enough. It was nothing. You brushed it off because you never thought it could turn into something so big and all consuming. You told yourself that you could handle it, that you were bigger and stronger than this. You’d never met a situation that you couldn’t talk out, fix, or handle with little effort. You’d learned to manage everything that gave you problems. Maybe it took a little work but you got there. Anything that had the potential to be a problem, you’d squashed before it got too big. So why should this be any different?

Because this was something you couldn’t completely control. Something that was unpredictable. Before you know it, it's out of your hands and it's not so easily fixable. You're slipping and you aren't in a hurry to stop because it's exciting and you never want it to end. You tell yourself that you can fix it whenever you want. And before you know it, you're drowning in it.

This happened to me this semester, in a couple aspects of my life. I'm someone who likes to have everything settled, handled, and resolved. I was always really good at it, and in someways I still am. I like to think that I possess good judgement, especially of the people I choose to surround myself with. I'm careful with the people I trust, the friends I have. I'm especially careful about the men I date, due to past experiences. As a result of this I only have a couple guy friends who I trust. I've also always been a loyal person, I try to be that for my friends, family, and anyone else who I feel is worthy of that loyalty. And once I've given it, it's hard to take back. Once I'm set on something, it's hard to dissuade me. Because taking back that trust means admitting I was wrong and that I need to make an adjustment. I've seldom had to do that.

But this year has been an exception. I lost my cool, my chill, and a bit of my self respect. And for someone as self aware as me, that is the most embarrassing thing I've ever had to admit. I got swept up, tossed around, and may or may not have lost my grip.

But let's be blunt for a second here. Fact. This year I found myself somewhat "involved" with someone that I thought would be good for me. That was not the case. Unfortunately, it took a couple months for me to realize that. What I thought was genuine care for me, was actually something else entirely. It was a game, and I was lying to myself about that. I kept on thinking that if I gave it time and space, went slow, that we'd figure it out. But I wound up having to pull myself out of the situation entirely to spare myself any more pain.

And I had nothing to show for it except mild embarrassment and hurt feelings.

The scary part about new factors in your life is that they can be foreign and unpredictable. I found myself in a lot of new and unfamiliar situations this year. As someone who's still young and growing, I'm having to deal with managing those factors and I've found that I need to work on my judgement.

What's important, is that I know that. That I accept that this is something I need to work on. I've been faced with the recognition that I can't simply "handle" everything. Not everything is easy, I struggle with things that some don't. I've learned that self-assurance can be dangerous and self-awareness is underrated. When I feel that resolve wavering, i remind myself of these three things

1. You really are stronger than that which you face.

2. Regardless of how down on yourself you may feel, remember that you are only human.

3. You learned. You've accepted this. But all is not bleak because you've gained that knowledge.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

I was never really big on cocktails. Tequila soda is always a go-to drink for me because of its simplicity and, to be honest, lack of extra calories from mixers chock-full of sugar, chemicals, and other unknown ingredients. I like tequila, and like to be able to really savor it.

This all changed when, a couple of years ago, a friend of mine made me a margarita from scratch — no funky mixers involved — and it tasted incredible. It was light, refreshing, and complemented the tequila without overpowering it.

Keep Reading... Show less

I was blessed with thick, full hair up until my late teens. At the time, I cursed my hairiness — this was before full eyebrows became trendy or cool, and were instead a point of bullying many of my fellow full-browed teens can relate to.

Later in my 20s, hormonal stability was something I was thankful for, though a major side effect ended up being hair loss — on my head, lashes, and brows. I now find my filling in my brows on an almost daily basis. As much as I enjoy toying with and testing out different brow-filling products, it'll never be quite the same as being able to have "I woke up like this" full, Gigi Hadid-esque brows.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

May Is Mental Health Awareness Month, A Reminder We Need Even More In Quarantine

You're going through something brand new — that's worth talking about.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. This isn't new to 2020, but oh man, if we ever needed a reminder about the importance of mental health, now is the time. With different states all over the place in regard to stay-at-home orders, phased reopenings, and a "new normal," we're experiencing conflict, fear, changes, and unknowns that can easily trigger mental struggles we already have or spark feelings we've never had before. Yes, May is always Mental Health Awareness Month, but in quarantine, that need for positive mental health is taken to a whole new level.

Keep Reading... Show less
Netflix

Everyone is LOVING "Outer Banks," as you've probably heard. And if you haven't caught the hype for the show yet, these articles will definitely give you a taste of what you're missing.

If you already have seen and fallen in love with the teen heartthrob crew, you need to get on board with some of these theories for season two!

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

These 11 Face Masks On Etsy Support Small Businesses While Fighting The Spread Of Coronavirus

We're staying safe as states start lifting lockdown guidelines.

I, like most people who have had the luxury of being able to stay at home during this time, haven't spent much time outdoors at all. But when I do brave the great outdoors for a walk or to get to the grocery store, you won't find me without a mask.

My family and I were lucky enough to have family friends who were sewing some and had extras to give to us, but most of my friends and loved ones outside my immediate family have had to order some (or make a makeshift one out of scarves or bandanas).

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

13 Reasons We're Using Quarantine As The Ultimate Excuse For Online Shopping This Month

The one thing we haven't distanced from is our bank account.

Throughout quarantine, I've been FaceTiming most of my friends in a full turtleneck or the go-to cozy sweater I keep wrapped around the chair in my room. Either way, I always have tea in my hands to keep myself warm — till this past week.

For most of the country who hasn't had the luck of quarantining in 90-degree weather on their family's lake house or with a backyard pool, things began to change this month. Our favorite shows came out with summer seasons, the sun came out, and we started spending more time outside.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments