There are so many things I have to say to you. Let me start by apologizing for now saying everything I've ever wanted to say to you. I know it is a bit ridiculous for now, being 18 years old, to show the appreciation, love, and gratitude towards you, but I now understand that I was naive at the age of 6. You have done so much for me, my mother, and this country. I know the right words to say.

When you first got that phone call, I was confused. You were so secretive, I believed you were communicating with Santa. We just moved to this new town when you were going to be whisked away to another far off land. I do not remember crying then. I vaguely remember you explaining to the 1st grade me that you had to go off to training. There were nights you came home sooner than expected and I would run out to the driveway to meet you halfway - to get that famous big hug of yours. I also looked out for you by the kitchen window when you would come home as scheduled. I could have gotten into that routine.

However, life is not perfect and I learned that at a young age. You had already told me countless stories of what it was like at basic training and life at Fort Benning and Fort Hood. I had it all imagined that you were going to be safe and sound, just busy with work. You were not going some other military base and I realized that I believe fully at the airport. You were going to be deployed to Afghanistan, a place that I had no idea existed until you left. I remember the tears here. I cried when you walked to security checkpoint A and the whole way home. I remember also getting angry at you for leaving. You left at a point I thought I needed you most. I'm sorry for all the hateful things I said to you then. If only I recognized then the large sacrifice you were making.

From that point on, I waited for your 8 p.m. phone call. Through those calls, I told you when I got braces, that I broke a personal best time in the 100 freestyle at a swim meet, or the latest childhood gossip at school. In return, you told me vivid stories of the local people you encountered that day or what life was like in the Middle East. I also remember that during the Christmas you were away, mom and I created an "I miss you" chain. Each day, we added a new link of construction paper around the tree, waiting for you to come. I think that year was the hardest for me.

Besides trying to cope with you being gone, which sent me to my first therapist, I was getting bullied. There was the girl on the bus that said you were going to die that day for being a soldier. Countless times, my former classmates would advise me on how to say goodbye to you and how to prepare for it. I also got asked countless times how many people you had killed (which is none, since you were a civil affairs officer). All of it caused me to be so terrified whenever they mentioned a soldier had died in combat or there was the one incident a helicopter crashed near your base. I also remember the day a guy, in full uniform, showed up at our door. I was ready for mom to break down crying as she would learn you died or were missing. It was only a son looking for the residence of his parents who formly lived where we do now.

On the other hand, all of it must have been incredibly hard for you. You did not get to witness my childhood forming unless you were on RR or waiting for the next deployment. There were s many milestones of mine you missed out on. In a way, it also put a temporary dent in our relationship as father and daughter as you were not around. I grew so close to my mother and I began to cut you out, for which I am so regretful about to this day. I was a young kid who did not understand her father was doing important groundwork for the relationship between the United States and the people of Afghanistan. You spent so much time repairing a school for young girls in the country while I was destroying the relationship we had at the time.

You would go on for a few more deployments and would have to leave for other trips helping train other soldiers. All of which caused you to miss even more time together. I had no idea why you were choosing to leave so much, but now I do. It is a shame it took me this long to come to that realization.

As I am getting ready to leave for college and start my life on my own, I know that our relationship is going to grow stronger. I realize now that you were gone so much for the safety of our country and mom and I. You understood that to better this nation against any form of terror, you had to be away from home and sarifice time with us no matter the duration. If that is not bravery then I have no idea what is. Over the past year and a half, I have begun showing my gratitude through numberous social media posts following your birthday or Veterans' Day, or by going out to breakfast with you on the weekend. I am so grateful to call you my father.

To anyone whose parent may be a retired solider. Go show them the affection, respect, and gratitude for their service. They made a great sarcifie to better others. It took me far too long to come to this realization and I regret it. I should have show my father better appreciation much sooner in life.

And to my father, if he is reading this, I love you. Thank you for all you have done, not just for me, but for all of us. I would not be the young woman I am today without confronting all the challenges faced.