From Pain To Glory

From Pain To Glory

Maybe some day, I will find love.
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Can you hear the pieces of my heart?

Can you hear them crying out to you?

Do you hear it's beating falter?

Who can soothe my tear dried eyes?

Who can ever mend the pieces of my shattered heart?

Who was there to pick me up when you crushed me?

Can you hear the whisper of my heart?

Can you hear the cry of my shattered mess?

It gets louder every day.

What did I ever do to make you hate me so?

What did I ever do but love you so fully?

Maybe I am unfix-able?

Maybe I am broken, unable to be put back together again, like Humpty Dumpty.

Maybe the pieces of my heart were meant to lay on the ground and be trampled on forever.

Can you see the pieces of my heart?

Can you see them bleeding?

Do you see my heart ooze blood every time you break it again?

Who can sew the pieces of my heart up again?

Who can mend the scars?

Who can pick up the pieces and put them back in place again?

Who was there to comfort me when you abandoned me?

Who was there to care for me as you neglected me?

Where were you when my pain became too much for my heart to hold?

Where were you when I spilled my anger and pain out onto my arms?

Where were you when your family fell apart?

Where were you as I sat in the corner with my knees at my chest holding myself?

Where were you when the endless nights never ended, when I cried myself to sleep time and time again?

Where were you when I fell on my face?

Can you hear the pieces of my heart?

Can you see the pieces of my shattered mess?

Can you feel the pain you've caused me?

Can you even see me as a person?

Who was there to pick me up and put me back on my feet again?

Who became my rock, my foundation?

Who then has become my everything?

When then keeps me going, now that you've left me?

Who then has loved me more fully than you ever could?

Who then was the one to show me whose I am?

Who then was the one to show me my way? My purpose? My life?

Who then gave me life, when you sought to steel mine away from me?

You are the cause for my broken, shattered, barely beating heart.

You were not the mend, the comfort, the safety zone you should have been.

You were not the one to build me up, to make me want to be a better person.

You were the cause for my down fall.

You were the one who broke me.

You were the one to leave me bruised, bleeding and left for dead.

You were the one to leave me for others to deal with, for others to tape up and put band aids on my gaping, gushing wounds.

You were not my safety zone, you were not my comfort, my mend, you were not who you should have been for me.

Listen to the whisper of the pieces of my broken, shattered, bleeding heart.

Listen as He heals them.

Listen as He creates in me a new, whole, beautiful, stronger heart.

Listen to the whisper of my heart, listen as it tells His story as it also tells mine.

Listen to the whisper of my heart, it will tell you,

"Yes, I have been broken, shattered, abused, and rejected, but He is healing me, He is making me anew, He is creating in me a pure and beautiful heart. I am not perfect, I have my faults, I have my bruises, I have my scars, but I am made new in Him."

Maybe one day I will find total healing,

Maybe someday I will find relief from the pain.

Maybe someday I will be okay, and be able to accept that you were all apart of His plan.

Maybe some day I will find Shalom.

Maybe some day, I will find love.

Listen to the pieces of my heart, for it will tell you of His story, of His love, His grace, His mercy, His forgiveness.

Listen to the pieces of my heart, for it will tell you of pain, misery, rejection, hate, but it will also tell you of kindness, love, mercy, grace, purity, and more strength that I ever thought possible.

Listen to the pieces of my heart, and hear it speak of His glory, His love, His acceptance, His transformation of my life. He saved me. He loves me. He is making me beautiful again.

Cover Image Credit: Zedge Wallpapers

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To The Friends I Won't Talk To After High School

I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.
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Hey,

So, for the last four years I’ve seen you almost everyday. I’ve learned about your annoying little brother, your dogs and your crazy weekend stories. I’ve seen you rock the awful freshman year fashion, date, attend homecoming, study for AP tests, and get accepted into college.

Thank you for asking me about my day, filling me in on your boy drama and giving me the World History homework. Thank you for complimenting my outfits, laughing at me presenting in class and listening to me complain about my parents. Thank you for sending me your Quizlets and being excited for my accomplishments- every single one of them. I appreciate it all because I know that soon I won’t really see you again. And that makes me sad. I’ll no longer see your face every Monday morning, wave hello to you in the hallways or eat lunch with you ever again. We won't live in the same city and sooner or later you might even forget my name.

We didn’t hang out after school but none the less you impacted me in a huge way. You supported my passions, stood up for me and made me laugh. You gave me advice on life the way you saw it and you didn’t have to but you did. I think maybe in just the smallest way, you influenced me. You made me believe that there’s lots of good people in this world that are nice just because they can be. You were real with me and that's all I can really ask for. We were never in the same friend group or got together on the weekends but you were still a good friend to me. You saw me grow up before your eyes and watched me walk into class late with Starbucks every day. I think people like you don’t get enough credit because I might not talk to you after high school but you are still so important to me. So thanks.

With that said, I truly hope that our paths cross one day in the future. You can tell me about how your brothers doing or how you regret the college you picked. Or maybe one day I’ll see you in the grocery store with a ring on your finger and I’ll be so happy you finally got what you deserved so many guys ago.

And if we ever do cross paths, I sincerely hope you became everything you wanted to be. I hope you traveled to Italy, got your dream job and found the love of your life. I hope you have beautiful children and a fluffy dog named Charlie. I hope you found success in love before wealth and I hope you depended on yourself for happiness before anything else. I hope you visited your mom in college and I hope you hugged your little sister every chance you got. She’s in high school now and you always tell her how that was the time of your life. I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.

And hey, maybe I’ll see you at the reunion and maybe just maybe you’ll remember my face. If so, I’d like to catch up, coffee?

Sincerely,

Me

Cover Image Credit: High school Musical

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My First College Gal Pal Road Trip Was Amazing

Every girl should have one good girls trip.

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In some way or another, everybody has a list of things they want to do in their lives before it's all over. After all, we're human. There's adventure to be had in every life. One thing I have always wanted to do before I grew too old and grey was go on a road trip with my gal pals to the beach. A couple weeks ago, I achieved this memorable milestone, and it allowed me to open up to new surroundings and experiences.

On this trip, I went with two of my friends from college, Kait and Lindsey, to visit my roommate Elizabeth in Virginia Beach. This was pretty big for Lindsey and I because neither of us had been to Virginia Beach before. Thankfully Elizabeth and Kait knew their way around the city, so we never got lost on our way to and fro.

Like most vacations, my favorite parts probably took place at the beach. I'm always at utter peace stomping through mushy sand or leaning down to splash the salty water that tries to knock my short self over. We took pictures and did something us college girls rarely have time to do especially in school: Relax.

The four of us did not live up to the crazed stereotype of girl trips in movies. Although I finally got a chance to sing along to Taylor Swift in a car ride with my friends, so that's always a plus. We played "Top Golf" one day, and by some miracle, I actually won the second game by a fair amount after much humiliation in the first one. We visited some of Elizabeth's family, and I finally got to meet her giant dog Apollo (I call him 'Wolf Dog'). Everyday was another chance to ask with enthusiasm: "So what are we doing today?"

Our trip wasn't like the movies where we all cried or confessed our deepest darkest secrets. Everything the four of us shared was laughter and this calm feeling of being at home, in the chaotic peace of each other's company. We understand each other a little better due to finally seeing what we're like outside of Longwood University. After this, all I can say is that we're most definitely planning the next one!

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