I have probably written this at least six times. Writing this article has been harder than I thought it would be. I don’t necessarily enjoy talking about my eating disorder, but I feel that if I don’t start talking about it now, then eating disorder will continue to go unrecognized. Unfortunately, even today, eating disorders are still considered too “taboo” or too “extreme” to talk about. This makes it harder for people like myself who have struggled and still struggle with one. In all honesty, I don’t even exactly know how to talk about this. I have read countless articles about eating disorders, yet none of them seem to say, “Nothing is wrong with you just because you have an eating disorder." That’s something we need to say more and hear more. People who struggle with eating disorders are no different from people who struggle with depression, anxiety or any other disorder. So do you shut me down when I want to talk about mine?

I have suffered from an eating disorder, and there are still times where my eating disorder is triggered. I can’t say I have fully recovered. I will always be in recovery. However, today I can say, "I have an eating disorder," without feeling ashamed or embarrassed. I am more than my eating disorder. I am a person with feelings, ambitions and goals. The only thing about me is that I have been through something that hurt a little bit.

Here’s the thing: my eating disorder isn’t something bad. It’s part of the story that makes me who I am.

My eating disorder is a part of me, but it does not define me. My eating disorder has caused me to do some things that are not particularly healthy for my body. These choices I have made also do not define me. I have no regret nor do I have shame. I am simply human. Anyone who has gone through an eating disorder should not feel ashamed of themselves. An eating disorder is nothing to be embarrassed about. Anyone who may be going through one needs to know that they are not alone. As a society, as people, we need to acknowledge the fact that eating disorders are nothing to feel guilty about. There is nothing “taboo” about them at all.

When I first acknowledged that I had a problem, I felt somewhat guilty. Then, when I went to seek professional help, I felt even worse. I felt like it was something that I had to keep quiet about. I didn’t want anyone to know. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I wanted to keep it as some big secret. In reality, I didn’t know why I felt the need to hide it. I honestly had no reason to. It wasn’t for a while until I became more open about it. It took me even longer to say the word "anorexia." I almost thought it was a bad word. I didn’t like saying it. I guess I didn’t really know how exactly to talk about it, but then again, no one really does.

We may learn about eating disorders in health classes at school, but that isn’t enough. We are only taught statistics and facts, like at least 30 million suffer from them or that every 62 minutes, at least one person dies due to an eating disorder. But we don't learn about the people behind them – the individuals. We are not taught about the emotional impacts of the disorders and how to deal with them, because no one expects to fall prey to one, so no is concerned. It's not normal to have an eating disorder, so it'd be even more abnormal to take precautions from it, right? Yet, we don't do this with any other physical illness.

When I learned about this, it made me feel as though it was “bad” to have an eating disorder, because all I was taught were these “bad things” in school. The stigma of eating disorders makes it even harder for people going through them to recover. The media is largely at fault for casting this negative, hushed light on eating disorders, exaggerating their connotative significance and generalizing every case with, "Well, you don’t look anorexic," which is the absolute worst thing you can say. Just because a person's body doesn’t look like the stereotypical image we've been fed, it doesn’t mean they’re not suffering from one. Eating disorders can happen to anyone regardless of their size, gender, age and race. By encouraging everyone to talk about eating disorders, from the survivors to those who are struggling with it to everyday people who may not even know what they really are, we can change the narrative into a positive tale of healing and unity.

But until then, to everyone out there who is struggling with one now, I want to tell you, you are not alone. Just because you have an eating disorder does not mean anything is wrong with you. And most importantly, know that it gets better. You will get better.

For anyone who needs help battling their eating disorder, please click here to contact NEDA or their helpline for more information.