When people think about breakups they think about the obvious - a boyfriend and/or a girlfriend going their separate ways. That isn’t the type of break up I’m going to talk about today; in fact, I think the type of break up I’m going to talk about is much much worse. A friendship breakup is the worst breakup someone could ever go through. I’ve never been someone who’s been overly emotional about breaking up or being broken up with. I’m not someone who will cry for days over a guy, nor am I someone who will get caught up in a relationship that obviously was never meant to be. When it comes to the ending of a friendship, especially a close one, this is a completely different story.

Losing a friend is like losing a piece of yourself. A friend is someone who knows almost everything about you, from your favorite color to your least favorite food. It’s someone who you share all of your secrets with and who you trust no matter what. When a friendship ends it’s like all of a sudden there’s this person walking around with all this information about you but they’re basically the equivalent of a stranger. I think that is the worst part of losing a friend. This person who used to mean so much to you is now someone you don’t even look at when you walk by.

Earlier I talked about how when I lose a friend I react completely differently than when I have a normal breakup. When I end a friendship it takes a very heavy toll on me for a very long time. You will probably at some point find me eating a bunch of junk food, crying in the dark, with very sad country music playing. It’ll probably just happen. Usually losing a friend takes me more than just a few days to get over. It can take a few weeks, a few months, or even a year. It takes a lot for me to open up to people the way I open up to my friends so, losing that connection and trust with someone is something that hurts me beyond belief.

A friendship is a reflection of who we are. A friend watches you grow and change, most of the time for the better. So this person has known you at your lowest and your highest, which is not something a lot of people can say. They’re someone who’s seen you sobbing and shaking until it feels like your body is going to give in, someone who’s seen you laughing till your stomach hurts, who you tag in funny videos on Instagram, or someone who you can spend hours upon hours just sitting with in silence. Losing that with someone is hard because next thing you know you’re sitting in line at the burrito station in dining hall and you want to text them about how the burrito lady had guac on her hands when she made your burrito and now you don't want to eat it because you know you’ll take one bite that’ll just be straight guac and that’s when you’ll realize you can’t because you aren’t friends anymore.

I think that is the worst part. Having all these things that you want to tell them about what’s going on in your life and exciting things that are happening to you but, you can’t do that anymore. It hurts because you’re so used to spending so much time with this person, sharing so much of your life with them, but now you can’t even look them in the eyes without wanting to cry. As someone who likes being friends with a lot of people but only really gets close with a select few, losing a friend is one of the hardest things I could ever go through. You can have your 100 pennies and lose one and think nothing of it but I love my 4 quarters and when I lose one of them it hurts me for a long time.