One of the best aspects of University is the ability and freedom to make decisions because you are kind of on your own and the world is basically your oyster. You are learning to be independent, to be less sheltered and to gain different perspectives in all areas of your life.
Despite the wildly fluctuating emotions and many ups and downs throughout my academic life, I will and always be grateful for all the insights which I have gained, especially on friendships.
Having an all-or-nothing personality, it has always been tough for me to fully grasp the true definition of friendship because I would eventually fall into a spiral of self-denial, which often involves me giving excuses to justify my so-called friend's questionable behavior and undeniably, it is definitely toxic and mentally-draining.
No matter how much I reiterate to myself that all these emotions don't matter and things will get better soon, they do matter. It makes me wonder why I am allowing myself to be stuck in this negative spiral when I knew that I would be better off on my own.
I felt guilty when I was unable to attend the occasional social outings due to my part-time job after classes. I felt guilty whenever they lamented how little time I spent with them. I felt guilty when I was not able to comprehend their inner jokes be it gossiping about a classmate who is quirky but well-meaning or judging other girls in school if they were "overdressed."
(On a side note, everyone has the right to aim to look and feel attractive walking down the streets and seriously, keep your criticism to yourself.)
The truth is, a true friend should not make you feel bad about yourself or constantly finding ways to put you down. I felt all those negativities throughout that friendship and could only blame myself for not walking away earlier. Breaking away from them taught me the importance of self-love and sometimes it is through all those struggles which allows one to experience growth.
After going that phase of unhealthy friendships, I begin to comprehend better on the qualities of a healthy friendship and what I seek in a friend, which is truly a blessing. It may sound like an overstatement but I am certain that any other analogies wouldn't do it justice. Life just gets better from there and I am able to meet like-minded people whom I am totally comfortable with and are just really awesome individuals who possess good values and principles.
After getting to the university, I am still very wary of new people and letting them into my life. University is supposed to be a festival of fun, filled with fun friends and endless hall parties but the truth is that it can be overwhelming when there are so many things going on and all I really wanted is have a group of close-knit friends.
Everyone can be vastly different in terms of personalities, likes or dislikes but one thing is for sure: We want to be around people who care enough to fight even when the going gets tough. There are many kinds of college friendships however, there is this particular group which can be pretty confusing to identify if you all are actually friends or not.
It can get its roots from orientation groups, project mates or even friendships just for the sake of "appearances". You both knew that the friendship probably wouldn't last and you also knew that you wouldn't be friends with him/her given a choice. On the other hand, you found yourself attending social gatherings like late-night movies, dinner, studying sessions and laughing with that very person whom you already knew that all these wouldn't actually last after University.
If I tell you that you had a choice all these while, would you believe it? Most people tend to put the blame on the circumstances without realizing that they could be the main culprits of their own miseries. Friendship is never one-sided and requires effort and time which must be given willingly and wholeheartedly.
If you find yourself constantly grunting and complaining about how tiresome the whole friendship is, get out of it ASAP because time is very precious. Nobody has time to waste on one-sided friendships whereby the feelings ain't mutual.
The reality is, true and meaningful friendships are extremely hard to come by especially in a college environment. There will always be people who are always trying to exploit others in the university be it for social status/popularity, academic benefits or filling up empty voids/spaces due to loneliness. You would know it when you feel it and those feelings can hardly go wrong.
Go ahead and ask them to screw off from your life. You don't need people like that and you also don't need friendships which have an expiration date. You can call me overly-idealistic or even terribly naïve, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Go ahead and say bye to those people because you would be better off without them. Trust your own judgment and live with it.
Finally, here is to all my friends: I appreciate every single one of you and the friendships, which will always remain close to my heart. I will always cherish those little moments of simply poking fun at each other, late night supper sessions, heart-to-heart and food adventures.
You all inspire me in different ways and taught me about how a healthy friendship should be: Consistent, Non-Judgmental and Trustworthy. For that, I am thankful. Our friendship may not be perfect at times, but it certainly doesn't have an expiration date and I am elated about the fact that I will always have a friend in you.