Friends With Benefits

Friends With Benefits: Heartbreak Or Full Of Satisfaction?

The truth behind figuring out if friends with benefits is for you.

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The time has come in our lives where hooking up with people is the norm. Ranging from random frat party make-outs to tinder match dates ending up at their place. Whether you are into it or not, the hookup culture is constantly swarming around college campuses. What is the big deal anyway? We are humans and have our biological needs to be met. But what if you felt like a part of you was left with the person every time you hook up with someone? Would you end up feeling empty and guilty or full of life and contented?

This is both to the people who find joy in a little spontaneous rendezvous, and the ones who prefer to not partake in the typical college hookup culture. Both are completely normal, and both sides are not alone. Everyone experiences college in their own way. If not having sex is something that you want to keep in your personal experience, then more power to you. And if you want to find someone to casually hook up with is also a well-endowed experience. Sex is something that everyone should interpret in their own way. Whatever someone wants to do with their own body is their business and not up for debate with anyone else.

College comes with many ups and downs. With grades slipping halfway through the semester and friends becoming distant, we are always looking for a connection. Having a friend who you trust and becoming friends with benefits can help people relieve stress, experience a newly found form of yourself, and find what you find important in a partner. The casual hook up scene is abundant in college and finding a friend to hook up with is not a difficult task. Casual sex is not talked about and is seen as a disgraceful thing to most people, when in reality it is just people experimenting with their sexuality and finding what fulfills them in a sexual sense.

To become attached to a friend-with-benefits partner is one sticky situation. You have no control over what they do outside of with you, and if it comes with no strings the situation can become messy in an instant. Messy situations call for a few questions to be discussed before you and your friend carry on with the arrangement. Do you want there to be strings? Are you more attached than you thought? Should the two of you take the next step to a monogamous relationship? So many questions to be answered to make sure that what you are doing is worth it and if it turns out isn't really for you.

For some people, mot having friends with benefits helps boost their self-esteem and allow them to value sex in a committed relationship. While on the other end having a sexual relationship with a friend can bring a new sense of self confidence that was lacking before the relationship partook. Becoming sexually confident and awaken can help any college student break out of their shell. Before you become more open with that part of yourself, you need to look deep down and see if you are ready for not only that type of open relationship with another person. If you are ready to open that side of yourself, you may be ready to have a friends-with-benefits or take part in casual hookups, if not then take time to figure out if that is what you want to do. At the end of the day they don't say college years, no matter what you engage in, are the best for nothing.

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle – Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying.

What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense.

I've heard it all:

"He was cute, why didn't you like him?"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous.

However, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well.

Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault.

If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention a girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs"

Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him.

If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking Snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it.

He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush.

Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling.

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What, In My Opinion, Guys Really Want In A Girl

It may not be as simple as you think.

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I've recently started "watching" this show with my wife called "Paradise Hotel" or something like that. I think it's on Fox. It's pretty much a competition to see who can make it as a "couple" the longest or till the end to win a ton of money. It's a reality show that is filled with drama and hot bodies and more drama. I watch this show because, honestly I kind of like the drama, and my wife watches it so what the heck.

We were watching it the other day and there was an opportunity for two more girls to be put on the show. As the other guys asked questions and got to know these potential women, I told my wife which girl they guys would pick. She picked the others over the one I said, because of their "bodies." However, the girl I picked was the one whom the guys picked. My wife looked at me and said "How did you do that?"

Here's the deal: Guys have been SO poorly shown to be all about certain looks and nothing else. And this simply isn't true.

I should put a disclaimer here: I'm referring to "guys" as (mostly) mature men who are into dating and have their crap together. This doesn't include boys who just want their 2 minutes of relief and are just aimlessly guiding through life.

Okay so yes, A LOT of what guys look for is looks. I can't sugar-coat that or lie about it. No guy I know will date a girl whom he doesn't find attractive. That doesn't mean that if one guy doesn't go for a certain lady, that she is ugly or whatever. It means that one guy doesn't find her attractive, but plenty others might! To each their own.

So yes, looks are important and a must. But there are so many more attributes that are important:

These could be a fun and outgoing personality, a sense of humor, confidence in your looks and self-identify, and some maturity. I know guys can be really really immature, but there are a lot of girls out their with women's bodies and a child's mind.

We also love a girl who respects herself. And understands what a man needs. Men do need respect. It's something that we crave and have to have. Women should be respected as well. I'm not advocating that respect is a one-way street. But having a girl who admires and respects who we are (once we earn their trust) is just a necessity.

Another couple things that are a must for guys is to not be freaking psycho. I know all women (and people for that matter) have their emotional outbursts. I don't think I'm being sexist to say that women, in general, might be more emotional people than men because of hormones and stuff... although I've seen plenty of men who need to stop being such wimps. But psycho and loud women just get on our last nerves.

Maybe I didn't answer any of your questions, but maybe this gave you a bit of an idea of what we want and look for in the women we want to date and eventually settle down for life with.

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