We all have that one friend who has a crush on their friend. It happens. You like who you like. It’s not exactly something one can consciously control. Nevertheless, this doesn't mean that the “friend zone" exists. It doesn't exist. There is no zone. There is no obligation for anyone to enter a romantic or sexual relationship with someone, even if they are a “really good friend.”

The expression “friend zone” has been made well known by the 1994’s American sitcom F.R.I.E.N.D.S.when it was described by Joey Tribbiani in the episode “The One With the Blackout.” In this episode, Joey describes Ross Geller’s obsession with Rachel Green by characterizing Ross as "‘the Mayor of the Friend Zone." According to its viewers, the question of whether Ross could get out of the “friend zone” and date Rachel was dramatically compelling.

Let me tell you what’s wrong with this. There is no magic wand you can wave and make a person like you. There is no cheat code, no combination of clothing, behavior, or similar interests to make a person see you romantically or sexually. It is their choice. Period. I understand you think you are perfect for each other. I feel you. We have all been there. Having a crush is frustrating and fun at the same time, but your feelings aren't a prerequisite for them to have feelings for you.

The “friend zone” is a socially constructed concept designed as a coping mechanism to deal with unreciprocated sexual or romantic feelings. It is an easy way to blame the person you have affection for. It is their fault you both aren't in a relationship because they put you in the “friend zone.” No, that’s not how the real world works. You can’t transfer blame on to anyone unnecessarily. It is no one’s fault if they don't reciprocate. Not theirs, not yours.

A romantic or sexual relationship requires all parties consent, each person has to be comfortable and ready for it for it to succeed. It is a mutual thing, not one person relentlessly pursuing the other.

Another point to note is that the “friend zone” devalues friendship. This view suggests that somehow platonic relationships are a penalty box, giving it lesser value than a romantic or a sexual relationship. This notion is harmful and false. Platonic love is as important as romantic or sexual love. There is no competition between them. How did society make a beautiful concept like friendship something bitter and lower than other relationships?

Trust me, I know how hard it is to try to comprehend why a person doesn't like you the same way or why they aren't as attached to the relationship as you are. It’s not your fault. You deserve better. You deserve a person who will put in the effort to see you and to be there for you without wanting anything back. I know its hard to let go of a crush, but honestly? If it’s not going anywhere, you need to move on.

It's not you. It's not your crush either. They might just not see you the way you want them to but if you still want them in your life as your friend, you need to suck it up and respect their feelings or lack of them. You aren't any lesser of yourself if they don't like you back. As I said before, having romantic or sexual feelings isn't exactly something you can consciously control.

My motto is always to prepare for the worst but hope for the best, but sometimes hoping for something that is never going to happen is just pointless, demeaning to yourself, and a waste of your precious time. Don’t sit there feeling sorry for yourself because of something out of your control. Get up and move on. Remember, if they did like you as much as you liked them, they would show it. And you are worth more than being stringed along or wondering if they like you back or not.

Essentially, sorry to disappoint (but not really) those who believe in the mystical concept of the “friend zone.” People don't like each other back most of the time. You can get over it, like so many people before you have done, without blaming anyone.