The scars are faded now, but the lessons from my darkest moment still echo today – lessons that I hope can help someone considering suicide to reconsider and choose life, and help their friends understand the situation a little better.

I’m a graduate student now, and it was just before my sophomore year that I nearly ended my life – over three years gone by, and it feels longer. I was lonely, I was frustrated, and I felt that I had exhausted all of my options to fix the issue. I felt as though I were a nuisance.

It was a peculiar thing, preparing to give up on life. I truly felt as if I had lost my mind because what I was ready to do was so counter to everything I had learned. It’s been said that suicide is a “permanent solution to a temporary problem,” but from the shoes I inhabited, at least, I saw my problems as permanent.

But the thing is, they weren’t. They just took awhile to get better.

I've had friends that were suicidal as well, and I know how difficult it can be to help someone "see the light at the end of the tunnel." This article isn't a how-to on saving someone - sadly, there is no perfect answer for that - but I hope it can give some insight into what can be helpful for someone who is struggling and enable those willing to help.

1. If your friend tells you they are considering suicide, don’t hesitate to tell someone who can make a difference

I will always be grateful to the people who in all likelihood saved my life. They were my friends, people in whom I confided with the hopes of confidentiality regarding my depression, and I was upset that they broke that trust – but they absolutely did what was right, telling my parents about what was going on. For that reason, I ask that if someone you know is considering suicide and has confided in you, please tell someone who can ensure that person’s safety, whether it be the police, their roommate, their family, or even a call to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-8255).

2. Outer appearances don’t necessarily equal inner peace

I was the homecoming king in high school, an all-state football player, a 4.0 GPA student. I went to college and played football, got a 4.0 GPA again, and was voted president of the school’s FCA, and had a storm raging inside me. One of the things I heard most as I recovered was “Really?” Many people who only knew me on the surface couldn’t believe that I, who was always cheerful, focused on others, and seemed to have it all, would ever want to end my life. Be prepared to listen to others and hold space for their problems, even if they seem to have none.

3. Time sometimes matters more than words

This is a tricky point – I won’t say that people’s kind and caring words didn’t matter to me. However, I can say that one of the hardest things I dealt with as my depression built was false kindness. In my loneliness, I personally didn’t need someone to just say something encouraging and walk away – that was part of the problem all along. Rather, I would have benefited from someone walking alongside me through the pain, showing that they cared and giving me space to be real about my struggles.

4. But words do matter – sometimes negatively

One of the things I remember most as I began recovering was what someone I trusted as a fellow believer in Christ had to say to me when they learned that I had almost committed suicide – “Now Wilson, make sure you don’t do that again.” That was all, and he never asked about the issue again. This person meant well, but I felt as though I were being lectured, not encouraged. If you do use your words, try to make sure you strike a tone of care and not apathy – show that person you care. Lecturing someone (without having built rapport and shown care first) who has given up on themselves about how they were wrong is not a good strategy to help them.

5. Keep your own worth out of the situation

I was blessed that my friends stepped in and told my parents. But sometimes, even if you do everything right, an individual will still take their life. I’ve never had to deal with the pain of losing a friend to suicide, but I can imagine it’s one of the worst feelings possible. I would only ask that you not tangle your own self-worth to whether or not you can save someone – give love, pray, and ask for help.

If you personally are going through these things or have been where I once was, please don't give up - you're worth life. As a character said in Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight:

"The night is always darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming."