My mind constantly goes over certain scenarios to the point where I can make myself sick. Lately, it's been mind-boggling with the friendships I am coming to terms too and losing at the same time.
Could I have said something different? Could I of tried harder? The answer is: Probably.
However, I believe I did what I felt in the moment because that's what I thought was right. It's what I thought was the best at the time for me, and that is all I can ask of myself. I am an incredibly logical and analytical when it comes to times of stress. I think things through (for the most part), and all I can owe to myself is to be happy with what I did at the time.
We have the ability to control who we want to stay in our life. There are friendships that come and go, some are better than others, but they grow with you and make you a better person.
I'm sorry, but it's not fair to me to keep putting my energy into something where I'm getting nothing back. It's exhausting, and quite honestly, not fair to either of us.
I think it's really important to learn these lessons while were young, so we can learn from them and build better relationships from it. Sure, there are flaws in every design and road I set out for myself.
Sure, I miss certain people in retrospect, but then I think back to the minimal conversations themselves. We cannot keep allowing ourselves to discuss these blank statements which mean nothing in return. The conversations are empty. I do not look forward to them, and it's time to look forward to something.
Even though there might not have been a true "fallout," it's still nice to have had control on when it was time to call it quits, even if I was the only party really doing so. But were either of us (or one of us) really there to begin with, when you don't want to spend time with another?
The best part is not holding any resignation or hate in my heart from it. I grew up, moved on and that's alright. You might, but that's also alright. We are on two completely separate paths, and we both deal with these things differently. I chose to not have you a part of my life anymore. A smile and a nod is enough for me, but blocking this is enough for you.
If something isn't making you happy, it's time to understand that is the direction you should be going in. It's a lesson learned to move on from it, and put forth what you want in return.
Friends are a reflection of yourself. Even if they are completely different, they are who you are spending your time with. It's time to take it upon myself and start choosing wisely because I chose to not have you be a reflection of me.
We're all on different paths. We owe it to ourselves to realize who is there for us and who isn't. It's a learning process with many twists and turns with mistakes at each of them.