I was recently asked advice by an incoming college freshman who is taking a very difficult class her first semester. When I thought about my response, I saw so much of myself in her, and jut how much I have changed in these past three years. I took this time to reflect on my college career thus far and all of the experiences I’ve had, and I noticed a solid pattern in the minds of every college freshman as they step foot on campus for the first time. My advice to her was to take it seriously, but not so seriously that it will ruin every other aspect of life. I told her that college is a time for self-discovery more than anything else. Unfortunately, that path to self-discovery comes with a bill, and you find yourself signing student loans knowing you’re accumulating thousands of dollars of debt with a single signature like:

After you have sufficiently signed your first 10 years of full-time salary away, you begin to convince yourself that it will all be worth it in the end; because you're going to get a good education and make a lot of money and live in a mansion by sea and drive an Audi. You enter syllabus week with the utmost confidence that you will slay your classes and be a billionaire by age 25. Then you find yourself staring at the pile of syllabi, each of them at least five pages long and each class only allows one excused absence and your find yourself going:

But I'll let you in on a secret when it comes to your nemesis subject. The first step to passing a subject you know you suck at is trying your hardest. Kidding (kind of). That's like the third or fourth step if all else fails. The first step is to identify the smartest person in the room, sit next to them, befriend them and kiss their ass as much as you possibly can. Let them talk about their seven cats and their weekend in Amish country and just look at them like:

The first exam is always the worst, especially in a class that you hate. So, after you trot into the classroom with confidence, you take a look at the first question of the exam just to find out that it resembles hieroglyphics. I assure you that your confidence will be swiftly shot to hell. Thankfully for you, however, you took precautionary measures to crawl up the butt of the nerd next to you on day one. Now that you have found yourself in this predicament, be sure to drop your pen dangerously close to his/her desk, that way when you both make a go for the pen, you have a moment like this:

With any luck, they'll know what the hell they're doing, the professor will be asleep or playing Candy Crush Saga on their phone, and voila, you don't fail the exam. Now, full disclosure, there will be a period of anxiety after you cheat on a test. You will go through a phase where you have convinced yourself that the person you cheated off of didn't actually know what they were doing, or that the professor actually saw you and is waiting to land you with a big, red "F" on your paper on test return day. Fear not young one, if a professor catches you cheating, then you best believe they will make an example of you in front of the class and literally roast you nearly to death, Comedy Central style.

As you impatiently wait for the professor to hand back your test, you may have a physical reaction to the fear. This is normal, I assure you, but try not to stare the professor down like:

Because they will get salty and spiteful and give you hella attitude. Now, allow me to clarify what this exam grade should mean for your confidence; just because you cheated doesn't mean you should be expecting a perfect score. If you know that you struggle in a subject, anything over a 75 is a win in my book, and in your parents' as well, probably. Chances are if you come home with a 100 on an algebra test but you can't multiply six times eight (48, right?) in your head, they will be a bit suspicious. So, for the sake of your dignity, keep it to yourself. However, there is no better feeling than when you get a good grade and you can practically feel your average boosting. It is times like these that you should take pity on the poor souls who look completely panicked, but at this point you can't do much else for them other than look at them like:

But please keep in mind, you did not earn that grade. You cheated. So if you know that you have classmates who did poorly, but got that 50 honestly and with dignity (something you gave up the minute you listened to the nerd talk about the Amish), then don't walk around like:

Because that's just:

Although I just equipped you with a pretty bulletproof game plan, I have never actually cheated on an exam, half out of fear of getting caught and half out of the fear of Karma's wrath. Because of this, I can assure you, taking the time to figure out how to cheat is much harder than actually studying for the exam and working at the class with integrity. My advice to you is to just go to class, pay attention, take notes, ask questions, study really hard and do the best you can. If you do that, nine times out of 10, you'll surprise yourself with what you're capable of. Then when final grades come out you'll have a moment like this:

And then you can grab your BFF and head out for celebratory margaritas...

Because who doesn't need a margarita after that.