No, I Don't Have Free Time, And I Love That

No, I Don't Have Free Time, And I Love That

What I've learned from being this busy is that I will subconsciously make time for things that make me happy
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I do a lot of things in my free time. I write for Odyssey (duh), and I also edit for the community. I am in a sorority (Go Gamma Phi!!), and I am on the executive board of the Panhellenic Association.

I dedicate time to my friends, my boyfriend, and my hobbies, like my faith. And on top of all of that, I find time to spend hours and hours in the library, focusing on doing the best I can to get my degree so I can become a nurse.

If you're asking, "When do you have time to eat? Or sleep?" I don't, really. I work it into my normal activities. I don't have free time, and I love that.

I love being involved in so many different kinds of experiences, being a part of so many people's stories, and to go to bed at night being absolutely exhausted. I feel like my life has a purpose, and that everything I do is important and life-changing, even in a small way.

But being busy is more than just personal satisfaction. It's really hard to be depressed or anxious when you move from appointment to appointment, and meeting to meeting. It is so good for my mental health to stay busy and stay moving, with little time to focus on my mistakes before I have to fix them and learn from them.

I used to think that the best way to deal with my depression was to scale myself back from activities to give myself time to heal, but that ended up making me more depressed. Throwing myself into everything I do, truly giving 110% of myself into everything I do, has given me so much more than just helping my serotonin levels.

It has given me self-confidence, proof that I can do everything I set my mind to, and an immense sense of pride as I do something that a year ago would have been impossible for someone as depressed as me.

Even the criticism I get from it has been helpful. Because what I've learned from being this busy is that I will subconsciously make time for things that make me happy.

What makes me happy are my friends who make me laugh genuinely and take my mind off of whatever I'm worried about.

What makes me happy is spending time with my boyfriend, usually listening to paranormal podcasts and watching old movies.

What makes me happy is taking twenty minutes before bed to do some bible study and to center myself to find God's grace in everything.

What makes me happy is what I make time for, and being busy makes me happy.

I won't apologize for not having time for people who make me feel bad for being so much, and I won't apologize for having to "pencil you in" to see how my week plays out. I love my life, and one of my main goals of this year is to not apologize for the things that make me happy and whole.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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For The Grandparents You Lost Before You Were Ready, Because You Never Can Be

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You were taken far too soon. It's not fair, I didn't have you for long enough. Why do the bad things happen to the good people?

It's been nine years and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you. When you left, I had to be strong for mom because she had to take care of everything. But when it was all said and done, I was curled up in the closet crying.

It's been nine years and you've missed so much. You didn't get to see me baptized, start cheerleading, graduate high school, get my first job, or have my first real boyfriend. It hurts to know you won't see me graduate college, get married, or have kids. But, I know you are watching over from Heaven. I can always feel your presence.

It scares me because Kylie was only 6 when you left us. I worry about what she remembers. I'm scared because I can barely remember your voices. But I am thankful because I remember grandpa's love for hats, grandma's love for scrabble, and a shared love of card games. I remember big Christmases, the mess of making chicken and dumplings, running down the hall away from the tickle monster, and most of all, I remember the love you showed me. Your love was overwhelming, safe, and unfaltering.

To you Grandpa and Grandma, Ray and Joy, I miss you, I love you, I hope I do you proud. I will show the love you gave me to as many people as I can. Your memory will live on through the stories we tell and you will never be forgotten.

I'll give mom a hug and kiss for you. I know you'd give us all one. Keep watching over, OK? I love you.

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