It was never something I knew I hadn’t found, but I also always felt like something was missing. When I left the comfort of my home for a new adventure, I never knew I would find the person I was supposed to be. I knew that I needed a new environment going from high school to a college two hours away, because I hadn’t ever had much variety.

I left on a cloudy, Sept. 11, 2014 Friday, and I never thought that I would be able to make it with dry eyes. My mom cried while she said goodbye, and I hugged her tight knowing that the next three months without seeing her face would be hard. My dad thankfully made the trip overseas with me to travel a few days and to get me settled in.

When I said goodbye to my dad, I cried the entire bus ride home, I had one friend abroad, and the idea of having to make an entire new friend group was overwhelming. But what I didn’t realize was 1) that I would actually make good friends, and 2) that I actually was going to gain an entire new self and that was what was more important.

I can’t exactly tell you when I started to change, but slowly it just started happening. I was still interested in what was happening at home, but I didn’t need to revolve around my life around it. I felt free for the first time. I was able to be alone, which I never was good at in the past. I loved the idea of being able to travel to other countries and to meet new people.

I gained so much confidence from doing things on my own. Before, I always had someone around to hold my hand, whether it was my parents, friends, or sorority sisters, but now I had to hold my own hand. I was truly able to say that I was doing things for myself.

Before studying abroad, I made decisions so other people’s lives would be easier, but a lot of times it just made my life harder. Not that now I am a selfish person, I just know that in some cases I need to put myself first. I was finally able to say no to things I truly just didn’t want to do.

I truly cherish my time abroad because without it, where would I be? If you don’t change your environment from time to time, then you can’t change yourself. You’ll never be able to make yourself better. And while I may not be completely 100 percent the person I am meant to be, but I have many more adventures to have before I find that out.

They say studying abroad is not a trip or vacation, it is a second life, and I can’t help but feel that most of my heart is still left on the Irish soil.