The biggest challenge I have found with going to college four states south of my home and everyone there is that not only do I miss the best moments, but I miss the worst. Recently, a family member of mine passed away at over 90 years old (I will not say the age because I know she hates that) and a best friend of mine lost her grandmother to a strong battle with heart issues. This is when I truly regret going so far from my home back in New Jersey, and I feel that it's something that people do not normally talk about.

I am definitely a family oriented person. The only problem with that is the fact that I did not realize it until I went to college. I really love the people I surround myself with when I'm back off exit 109, and coming to college makes me miss all the times I am with them. From the memories we share to watching me grow into the person I am today to hearing their reactions when I tell them I miss home more than I thought I would, everyone in my life is truly amazing.

With all of the events that have happened recently, I cannot help but feel a hole in my heart while I am so far away. It makes me sick that I can't be there to hug my best friend or my family members or my boyfriend on their worst days. I am a people pleaser, and going to college so far away is definitely not pleasing me in this aspect.

As I received phone calls and text message updates, I felt the weight of the miles become so heavy. The fact that I, someone who thrives off of helping others, physically cannot help the people I love the most really takes a toll on me. I hate that I cannot be there to hug my best friend when she needs me and I hate that I cannot be there with my family to celebrate a wonderful life in our family that I did not even get to say goodbye to. They don't tell you this when you are a plane ride away from home.

Sometimes I believe that I am super human. I believe that I have the capabilities to complete a million tasks and be in so many places at once. Trying to realize how impossible this is really takes a toll on me. I really want to be there for everyone and help everyone simply because it is my first instinct. Everyone sees it in me. It's blatantly obvious. This is just when I asked myself if the result is better here or there.

Although I dearly miss those that are home, my new home is here. I do not look forward to those moments when I have to rush to the airport and, man, I really hope that doesn't happen. But for those times when my presence is wanted but not needed, I want everyone to know how much I love them. I wish I could be with them for the bad moments and the good moments. Every tear, laugh, smile, and hug means the world to me. I want you to know how much I hate missing the bad and how much I wish I could be there for all of you all the time. But since I can't, I hope you can feel my love from so many miles away.

Sending my love from 219. See you soon.