Follow the passion you've lost

Follow The Passion You’ve Lost

Confronting my excuses for being a bad creator and learning to move forward.

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It's hard to consider yourself a creative person or say you want to be a "creative" when you're not doing creative work. That's the problem I'm having right now, I have all these projects I want to work on or but still find it hard to prioritize them and make creating a part of my daily routine.

In reality it's shouldn't be that hard. It's fairly simple to put something on a task list or incorporate it into a schedule. So why Can't I? I've written countless to-do lists tasking myself to pick up the guitar, practice drawing or at the very least follow a skillshare class. But for some reason I always found a way to get out of it. By keeping busy doing random chores and completely avoiding, the creative work I'm craving. It seems that I had some serious barriers in place, and I've been thinking about why that is.

Growing up I always veered towards the arts. I danced ballet, I drew, I sang and I didn't really think about why. Because you're a kid so who cares... The truth is there was always this assumption in the back of my mind that I grew up with. The assumption that singing, dancing, painting and the like are things you do as a kid.

It’s great and you get to socialize and have fun but eventually you grow out of it. So you stop and focus on something more serious. Like everyone else around you. You study hard and find a good job that'll provide a great life through fulfilling work and compensation $$.

You tell yourself that the people who achieved success in their craft were more talented, lucky. Had more opportunity or started younger. At least I did, I shied away from what made sense to me until I felt confused about the direction I wanted my life to take. Until I completely dismissed my interests in music and art.

They didn't seem valuable so I just stopped. Eventually I didn't feel valuable because all I cared about were stupid things. I felt like a joke stuck in a constant state of having to prove herself.

Truth is, sometimes you don't grow out of it, at least I didn't. I should follow it through since it's my motivation and there's no reason for me to shame that. It's important because I care about it and I can't let the thought of failing or not being good enough hold me back. I know that now, and it's about time I act like it.

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Adulthood Is Approaching And It Will Be The Weirdest Thing You've Ever Known

Becoming an adult is the most surreal thing I have ever experienced.

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Imagine it's Tuesday. There is nothing special about this Tuesday. You wake up, do your morning routine, go to work, attend class, eat lunch, and suddenly you are on your way to lease a house with three of your closest friends. Caution: adulthood approaching, and apparently at an exponential speed.

It is one of those things you don't even realize is coming until it hits you like a brick wall. Talking to the realtor made me wish my father was with me. I had no clue what questions to ask, whether to ask for a lower rent or even what to bring to sign a lease. Moreover, does it really make a difference whether the washing machine and dryer are upstairs or in the slightly creepy cement basement that looks like it came straight out of "Extracts from Gosschen's Diary"?

The pressure of relying on someone else (in my case, my three closest friends) is terrifying. I can barely trust myself not to trip on nothing, and now I am sharing the responsibility of an entire house with people. Who will be in charge of washing the dishes? Vacuuming (a task my dog hates as vehemently as I do)? Making sure everyone chips in for the utility bill?

These are all things I have never had to worry about before. I knew what I was supposed to do and did it. Now I find myself wondering how taxes actually work and how many hours I will have to work to be able to pay for my house. School does not always prepare you to face the real world. The quadratic formula in no way helped me figure out what a W-2 was or how to fill it out.

Adulthood is scary and approaching faster than I would like to admit, and I easily ignore it by dancing on the weekends and studying hard on the weekdays. But the concept glares in the back of my mind like an annoying tapping noise. It becomes clear that I am at college to prepare for a future career and to enter a world in which leases, money, and taxes will fill my thoughts.

So to all my young people out there: adulthood is approaching, and it will come faster than you think. Go out, have fun, and take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way. Make friends and love every minute of it; later you may find yourself leasing a house with them. I am thrilled to start my journey into adulthood with the best people in the world at my side, yet the concept of such responsibility is daunting.

Cheers to the last of my teenage months, to leasing a house, to my friends, to my family, and to the taxes I will eventually learn how to do.

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