I finally understand the need to "dress gay."

Let me explain: I recently had a girl -- the biggest sweetheart ever -- who I thought was totally into me. She mentioned going to Pride parades and gay bars, she wanted a rainbow flag in her room, she dropped everything to hang out one-on-one, she had art of a nude woman eating pizza with cats on her wall (she named the woman Liza, which I found adorable) and, moreover, she went out of her way to hug me after our first hang-out session.

The evidence was overwhelming; in my little girl-obsessed brain, this all screamed she wants a date. But, of course, I had to get some outside opinions. I wasn't going to screw this up and scare her away from our cool friendship that I also appreciated, risk doing the whole "weird gay girl hits on a straight person" thing.

It was time for some recon.

Operations thus proceeded via DM's. My go-to fellow lesbian for these sorts of things agreed that this girl sounded "pretty dang gay." My straight friend did the textual equivalent of an eye-roll and told me to ask her out already. Even my mother, who hates seeing me mope around the house after a failed romantic endeavor, encouraged me.

So I mustered up my courage and texted this girl, right before magazine-writing class. A sweaty, tension-ridden thirty minutes later, I get my response.

Guess who thought a straight girl was flirting with her. Again.

I don't blame this girl at all for giving "signs of gayness"; after all, it was me who interpreted them as such. But it just goes to show that no matter your sexuality, knowing if a girl is gay is a crapshoot unless you ask, and thus that gay girl flirting is a nightmare. Unless you have a sign taped to your back that says "I am romantically interested in women," that is -- hence the need for rainbow buttons and patches. Even then the signals can be dubious because gay girls have things called "friends" too.

This "friendship-or-more" dubiousness is something that guy/girl relationships don't have to worry about. If a guy walks up to a girl and tells her she looks nice today, it's pretty obvious that it's code for "I think you're hot and I want you to know that I think that." But if you're a girl who likes girls, a chick walking up to you and telling you that you look nice could be interpreted as just a friendly comment or a flirtatious remark -- both of which are awesome, but neither of which are obvious. Unless you do this.

I'm not saying at all that guys and girls can't be friends. What I'm trying to get at is that, with guys, there's a clear line between what is flirting with women and what isn't. They touch your arm, they make an effort to hang out one-on-one, and boom, you have the benefit of knowing that it's romantic. A girl does those things to another girl and she could just want to be friends -- which is great! -- but normal, "just gals being pals" things often look similar to the beginning stages of showing you're into somebody.

It is horribly, stupidly, infuriatingly confusing. And the rainbow pins on my jean jacket only make it a hair less so.