You took so much away from me. My confidence. My excitement. My willingness to take opportunities. Even my happiness.
You made me hate myself, my body and my surroundings. You made me not want to be here anymore.
You allowed me to push away friends and family. You allowed me to totally lose myself.
I went from being athletic,energetic, and outgoing to becoming someone who was always in pain and discouragement.
You forced me to look into the mirror at someone double in size, yet half of a spirit.
You took chunks out of my long, beautiful hair and made it become thinner and thinner.
It wasn't my body anymore, it was yours.
You took me to many doctors that told me it was just a phase of adjustment to college. You made me feel deranged. You made me feel irrelevant.
Because of you, I will never have a normal metabolism, brain, heart, liver, or even reproductive system.
Because of you, I'll never believe I'm beautiful.
Because of you, everything changed.
I realized who will really stick beside me, no matter how much I push them away.
I gained a new perspective on depression and how I'm no where near being alone.
I pushed through even though you fought so hard to keep me back.
I found a boy who reminds me I'm beautiful, even if he has to tell me everyday until I believe it.
I appreciate my mother more than ever. Her patience is beyond me.
I understand just how lucky I really am.
I'd say you win, but that would be a lie.
Not so Respectfully,
Since entering college, it seems like it's been one train wreck after another. The past year has given me several blows––with family, finances, personal health, and family well-being. The Lord is helping me deal with a lot of obstacles right now, and I'm trusting Him to carry me through to the other side.
With everything going on, it's safe to say that I have little to no room for disingenuous people in my life. You know who they are. The two-faced individuals who have nothing but smiles, friendship and understanding for you to your face, but the minute you turn away, they're spreading lies and rumors like wildfire. They laugh at you when they think you aren't looking.
There are articles and tips spanning the internet on how to cut toxic people out of your life, but sadly, that's not always an option. So what do you do when you have to grit your teeth and bear it?
1. Take stock of who you can trust
When dealing with people who can't seem to give it to you straight, it's best to lean on those who do. Maybe it's a small handful or even a single person, but they can make a world of difference for your mental health.
2. Put your faith where it belongs
I put my faith in God, my family and my friends. It's not always easy, but it's comforting when you don't have it in yourself. Not everyone is going to understand or support you, and that's OK. You don't need them or their approval.
3. Limit your interactions
Maybe they're family, a coworker or a classmate––you can't always get away. Be that as it may, you can limit your interactions. If you don't have to speak to them, don't. Go about your business as best as possible, then move on when you can.
4. Keep your guard up
People will have a field day making assumptions about you. Most times, they don't realize how hypocritical this makes them. That's their problem to own, not yours. Although you don't want to keep walls up in every part of your life, it can occasionally be a healthy choice. It's best not to invest trust or emotions into those who will double-cross you.
5. Don't forget to stay positive
When people drag you down, it's hard to shake off their grasp. It's amazing how free you can feel when you don't let them get in your head. Don't let them dim your light!
6. Let your actions speak for themselves
Circumstances can arise that hinder your performance or attitude. That's life, it happens! Don't feel bad for not being a robot––perfectly tuned to everyone else's expectations. You're human. You may not be perfect, but you can do your best. This may not be enough for them, but it is for those who care about you.
7. Avoid stooping to their level
Sometimes the best way to fight back is to rise above it all. Seeking revenge and copying their actions does nothing but make you like them. Be better than that.
8. Try not to take their words to heart
This is the hardest. It's so much easier to let the lies get past your guard than the truth. Let those double-crossers do or say what they will––that reflects on them and who they are more than anything else. You can't change who they are, but you can control your reaction.
9. If you're comfortable, confront them
If it's something you feel safe doing, confront them. You don't need to be aggressive, but you can be honest. Tell them about the rumors circulating. Tell them how this makes you feel. Remind them that you once put your trust in them, and they betrayed that trust. After that, the ball is in their court.
10. Laugh it off
You don't need to convince anyone of your value if they refuse to see it. Mark it up as a good story to tell, a lesson in toughening your skin and move on. The people in your life should feel lucky to have you in theirs, and if they don't, they don't need to be a priority.
11. Be patient
Find comfort in the knowledge that you aren't the only one who sees both of their faces. If they're double-crossing you, chances are, they have done it and are doing it to others. They may be fooling some, but certainly not everyone.