Regrets. Something everyone has; something everyone struggles with. Many people like to "live with no regrets", and I wish that was the case for me. My time in high school, though, left me with plenty, and I mean plenty, regrets. There are five that really stuck with me this summer.
Not finding my group of friends earlier on in high school.
I definitely didn't find my "squad" until my senior year of high school. All of the friends I had in my group had been friends of mine throughout high school, but we were never close friends. It wasn't until our last year that we all really got together, hung out more, and grew closer. I wish I had found them sooner on in my high school career because it might have eased a lot of my anxiety and FOMO. I am thankful, though, that we eventually found our ways back to each other and have become great friends.
Waiting until my senior year to get involved in the school musical.
Being the way that I am, the thought of being in front of people makes my anxiety shoot through the roof. I had always loved musicals and plays, but I never believed I would be good enough to be in one. My senior year, I took a leap of faith and auditioned for the musical. I ended up getting a decent role and many small roles in the dance routines. Come time for the performances, I felt comfortable on stage and killed it. The experience was something I wouldn't trade for anything.
Quitting soccer my freshman year and dropping out of piano lessons.
These are two things I gave up after I lost my grandfather. He was like a father to me, and it was hard to do anything besides go to school and sleep. I fell into a deep depression and stopped doing anything I loved. After being out of sports for three years, I didn't want to be that girl who rejoined her senior year. Without laying my hands on a piano for so long and not taking lessons anymore, it has been hard to get back into it.
Believing I had to appear tougher than I was so people wouldn’t try me.
When I say that I acted like I could kill you in five seconds, I am not joking around. If you went to my high school, many students and teachers would say that. The thing is, after being bullied in elementary school and never feeling worthy, I was tired of it. The easiest way for people to like you is to fear you (or so I thought). I ruined a lot of opportunities for friendships and relationships, and if I could go back in time, I would most definitely change that attitude I had.
Hating myself.
It took me all four years of high school to finally accept and love myself. My whole life I've never felt as if I'm "pretty" enough, or "thin" enough, or "happy" enough, or "social" enough. I was never enough. If there is one thing I could do-over and change, it would be this. My hatred of myself led to me being depressed from an early age, so it took me a long time to know who I was and find a sense of identity. Of all of my regrets, this is the biggest one.
Obviously, we can't go back and change what we've done in the past; we can only learn from our mistakes. Hopefully, some of my regrets can help you maneuver high school a little better, and you can learn from my mistakes.