Rhonda Jenkins of Cheyenne, Wyoming became the first person to ever fully complete a New Year’s Resolution this past Sunday. She has successfully stuck with her Resolution do every day of 2017, a feat that no one has ever pulled off before.

Rhonda is a 42 year old grocery store clerk at a Safeway in Cheyenne. She has two children and a husband that is almost always away on business trips. Her two children, Emmett and Amelia, spoke with us about her accomplishment. Emmett was quoted as saying, “Oh yeah we’re real proud of Mom, she was a bit crazy this past year though, trying to keep up with her Resolution and whatnot. It’s been keeping her on her toes.” According to Amelia Jenkins, “Mommy was scary this year...I think the stress was getting to her...”

Rhonda has found it difficult to hold down a job, take care of her kids, and perform her new year’s resolution. She said that at some points, she had to hire a babysitter just so she could maintain her Resolution.

What was Rhonda’s Resolution? According to her, it was “to go on a daily jog for an hour or two without turning back in fear of the monster that lives two blocks down from my house.” What a truly amazing accomplishment, Rhonda! Your kids and the rest of the world are so proud.

Rhonda was quoted as saying, “Next year I want to be able to go to work without screaming every time someone says the word ‘salami.’”

Good luck, Rhonda! We’ll be cheering for you!

*Disclaimer: This article is satire and not actual news.*